From The Partner's Side

I do not have Anorgasmia, but my fiancee does. It's really hard on our relationship as we both want to have kids eventually. From a woman's standpoint, this is very hard on the partner of someone with this. For me, it makes me feel like less of a woman because I've read all the tips and done things sexually that I would never have done just to help him have one. It's getting so bad, that I want to avoid sex because, with him, I have multiples every time that we do have intercourse. This leads to more feelings of inadequacy for me because he hasn't had one in months. It leads to serious feelings of guilt for me when I have multiples and he doesn't have one. I love this man with all of my heart and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I don't know what to do anymore. He has serious panic attacks and is on Paxil, which causes anorgasmia. His doctor tried to take him off of it and switch him to Wellbutrin, but it didn't work. It seems that his body has to have the Paxil. He's been on it for 3 years. When we got together in Nov, he had ******* every time we had sex, but over the last 4 months, he can't have one. I am beginning to feel like it is me, and I have done something wrong. I don't know if this is the right place for this or not, but I don't know where else to turn. When we try to talk about it lately, we both get upset and it turns into an argument which neither of us wants. I guess I am just looking for someone who has been in a relationship with someone with anorgasmia that I can talk to and maybe get some kind of support on the partner side of it. Thank you and good luck to all of you that have to deal with this because I understand how you all feel.
betulikeme2 betulikeme2
1 Response May 20, 2012

Its not you, I promise!!

I've found that simply focusing on being together and feeling good is key. I'm recovering from depression/anxiety AND have experienced anorgasmia, and I believe that they are related.

Take the pressure off of yourself AND your partner. See if you can be loving and sensual with one another without the pressure of orgasming. It might sound funny, but from my perspective I've always felt the pressure to perform, to org*sm, during sex, and that turns my sex drive off so fast!

You are a wonderful, loving woman who cares deeply about her partner - that much is obvious. Continue to be gentle, loving, and sensual, and please don't pressure him into anything. He's probably miserable enough already. :/