I Have Antisocial Personality Disorder
i'm not a sociopath or a cluster B PD sufferer, at least not that i'm aware of, but i've been doing a lot if reading around in relation to narcissism and its cousin sociopathy. i'm interested in learning about this different wiring of the brain, because as an aspergers person who suffers misunderstanding and prejudice due to my different wiring, i am open to trying to understand how sociopathic people can, while totally staying true to themselves, do good in the world instead of being stereotyped as evil monsters.
now with narcissism, it is recognised that there is a difference between the stable disorder NPD, and the narcissist phase that many youth go through which is corrected with life experience and/or maturity. i'm wondering if it's the same deal with ASPD and a youthful sociopathic phase? i notice that many of the stories here are written by people in the 18-21 age bracket or even younger, and i wonder if most (but not all) of them belong in the latter category. but the ones in older age brackets write of a life time of broken relationships, broken dreams, and inner torment, which are indicative of a true disorder rather than merely a phase.
so when we talk about sociopaths, we can mean sufferers of ASPD, or we can mean teenage **** heads. but there is a third category. there are people who have sociopathic wiring, stable throughout their life, but they do not suffer from the disorder, nor cause suffering to the people around them as a result of the disorder. actually, maybe there are only two categories, and the teenage **** head will grow into one or the other of them, hopefully the latter.
what fascinates me most of all, though, is the idea that, regardless of whether the sociopath does any evil or only good, they are still wired the same underneath. i think this idea is expressed in a modern parable of the sheep, sheep dogs and wolves. most people - the neurotypicals - are sheep. they are soft and cuddly and peaceful and avoid conflict. then there are the sheep dogs who watch over and protect the sheep. these are the people who speak out and are not afraid of anything. they are drawn to occupations like police and army, emergency services, health care, teaching, and political activism. they can stomach grisly situations and make tough decisions. then there are the wolves. these are the people who take advantage of others, who eat the sheep for dinner. they are a good part of the danger that the sheep need protection from! now the sheep can never be sheep dogs or wolves, and likewise, the sheep dogs and wolves cannot settle for being sheep for long. but the sheep dog and the wolf are pretty much the same creature, just socialised differently. so what i'm saying is that the sociopath is the wolf, or the sheep dog, depending on the path they choose and/or was chosen for them in life. (aspies like me, though, we'd be either alpacas or cats).
now with narcissism, it is recognised that there is a difference between the stable disorder NPD, and the narcissist phase that many youth go through which is corrected with life experience and/or maturity. i'm wondering if it's the same deal with ASPD and a youthful sociopathic phase? i notice that many of the stories here are written by people in the 18-21 age bracket or even younger, and i wonder if most (but not all) of them belong in the latter category. but the ones in older age brackets write of a life time of broken relationships, broken dreams, and inner torment, which are indicative of a true disorder rather than merely a phase.
so when we talk about sociopaths, we can mean sufferers of ASPD, or we can mean teenage **** heads. but there is a third category. there are people who have sociopathic wiring, stable throughout their life, but they do not suffer from the disorder, nor cause suffering to the people around them as a result of the disorder. actually, maybe there are only two categories, and the teenage **** head will grow into one or the other of them, hopefully the latter.
what fascinates me most of all, though, is the idea that, regardless of whether the sociopath does any evil or only good, they are still wired the same underneath. i think this idea is expressed in a modern parable of the sheep, sheep dogs and wolves. most people - the neurotypicals - are sheep. they are soft and cuddly and peaceful and avoid conflict. then there are the sheep dogs who watch over and protect the sheep. these are the people who speak out and are not afraid of anything. they are drawn to occupations like police and army, emergency services, health care, teaching, and political activism. they can stomach grisly situations and make tough decisions. then there are the wolves. these are the people who take advantage of others, who eat the sheep for dinner. they are a good part of the danger that the sheep need protection from! now the sheep can never be sheep dogs or wolves, and likewise, the sheep dogs and wolves cannot settle for being sheep for long. but the sheep dog and the wolf are pretty much the same creature, just socialised differently. so what i'm saying is that the sociopath is the wolf, or the sheep dog, depending on the path they choose and/or was chosen for them in life. (aspies like me, though, we'd be either alpacas or cats).
Age:
36-40
,
Female
