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My Anxiety Experience

I' had anxiety attacks and problems with it a few years ago. I went to psychiatrist that gave me some pills, they had the essential roll back then because my body's chemistry was changed , and those pills where there to get back chemistry in the normal state. Those pills where not for calming me down , but for letting myself express more freely(it's very important).
the therapy lasted for a three months when I decided to quit, because I didn't like the idea of taking pills.
for a long period after , I was cool, but there was always a fear that it will happen again. so when it finally manifested again I decided to do something on my own. I searched the net and found a course for treating panic and anxiety attacks.
there was a book , and I found it using P2p client, and when I started reading, my eyes where full of tears. The first chapter was listing all the symptoms of panic and anxiety attacks. there where some things that I thought , that are happening only to me. and they were really crazy and spooky. I cried because there where someone else who had it too. I found it very important.and the key conclusion was that anxiety and panic attacks are completely normal feeling, that we humans have for a long time.they roll is to warn us about danger and prepare our body for fight or flight. the biggest problem is the confusion we have if it happens in ordinary situations where we are not able to identify the threat.
then afterwards i read about things that are affecting our chemistry in a bad way and can lead to panic attacks.
cigarettes, coffee , lack of sleep, and lack of water and exercise are helping the anxiety to emerge.
Now, to answer the most common question.
Why it happens?
because it's normal reaction of our body.
And the most important thing is to accept that it's normal, like when you accept you have a high temperature when you are sick.
Easy said then done, Huh?
I know. it can be pretty messy, really ******* weird and frightening . I had a feeling I am in some movie, and that there is no reality. I was scared that I'm going mad(which is impossible, because no one has gone mad consciously )
I had a feeling that I'm about to die the next very second.
That I'm going to do something completely out of control and strictly forbidden like getting in a bank and robing it etc.
the biggest issue
was that I thought that it's happening only to me.
But in time it got improved to the point I really menage to integrate all of that.
the book I was talking about had a technique of how to deal with anxiety and panic when it starts.
wow, that was a news for me! I was armed man. and ready. It was like my own personal horror film, and I was about to kick ***. the technique was quit simple , and I intuitively believed that the right one has to be simple.
in the moment of arising anxiety , the book said , you have to wait. (WHAT THE ****???!!)
and then when it comes even worse... you have to wait (ok, I bet I know the next step)
and then when it seems its bigger then ever , in the moment you are near calling your friends, parents, running away, trying to hide away (At one point I was during those attacks scarred of life by itself!!!!!!)
now, at that moment, you have to say out loud (as much as you can) in your head ,
BRING IT ON!!!
HIT ME HARDER!!! COMMON l LETS SEE WHAT YOU REALLY GOT FOR ME
, JUST THAT???!!! GIVE ME MORE!!!!!!
and thats it. just that. and it makes sense. why? well, the whole feeling of anxiety is driven by chemistry. body is pumping with blood and adrenaline , because it thinks there is a fight to be done ,remember? but it can not do that for much longer then few minutes. and afterwards it pumps out the natural sedatives to calm down.
and it never misses! so if you end your anxiety experience like this , just once, as I did, the end is pretty calm, and its guaranteed !!! I passed it trough this just once, and it liberated me afterwards to feel and be conscious of my biggest fear in life. And it was the core fear of my personality.
That I won't be happy.(now, tomorrow, whenever) (as I later did some personality tests I found out that it is the main fear for enthusiast type of personality)
when I realized that I went strait to the mirror looked at myself and said , you deserve to be happy. and afterwards i felt like i needed a permission from someone, so I went to my mothers house for a coffee and a talk . Now I was not about to ask for a direct permission , right, but as we started to talk at one point I said I'm about to do something in my life that will make me happy , and I'll do it because I have a right to be happy. so I waited confirmation. it was just one nod of the head, but it was enough for me. I went about my day-- happy.
after this there where times when I felt anxiety , but every time I have tried to let it pass by itself , and afterwards I new something is not going quit well in my life at the moment, because I got the warning. so it became my safety alarm.
and  in time a learned to take it as a feeling like any other.

luciddream luciddream 26-30, M 3 Responses Mar 29, 2008

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Thank you!

Thanks for the story I have suffered with attacks since I was 19. I am 47 now and still suffer. I am under a doctors care and have to take medication to keep from getting the attacks. I tried everything to get rid of these panick attacks. Spent thousands of dollars. I tried nutrition and vitamins, acupunture,kenesiology,phyciatrists,allergists,phycologists,biofeedback,you name it ! At first I fought the attacks, but 28 years ago no one new what a panic attack was. I suffered like a dog over the years with recurring attacks as well as side effects from medications prescribed to me. They were so severe at times I would curl up in a ball on my bed shaking and felling like I was going to die. The whole time I had to work and fight to keep going. I tryed to leed a normal life. I lost friends,and girlfriends who did not understand what I was going through. I also felt I did'nt want anyone to know because I felt ashamed and embarassed. I thought I was going crazy. I Hate having to take medication even for a headace but it seems I am stuck. Everytime I try getting off of meds I start getting attacks again! I have prayed to god from the beginning to help me beat this without meds but to no avail. But I am not ever going to give up I feel some day I will find a way to calm the storm without meds. Best of luck to you! It sounds like you have beaten the storm you must be strong!!

Thankyou for your story it really helped me understand Anxiety alot more. My roommate suffers from anxiety attacks and I have been trying to figure out the whats, when, hows and why? and you helped me understand from a personal point of veiw rather than a doctor. Thankyou.