I Self Medicate To Cope With My Anxiety

I have had debilitating anxiety since kindergarden. It drives me absolutely insane on a daily basis. I hate going into public places, I hate looking a people in the eyes and hate when people look at me. I have racing thoughts all day and night and it will keep me awake sometimes. My anxiety keeps me from looking for a job, going to school, or even getting counseling to help with my problem. My anxiety causes me to be self destructive by self medicating with opiates and other very addictive drugs. Ive been addicted to drugs since I was about 14 years old. it started out just doing it for fun, but in a matter of months I realized it greatly helps with my anxiety. Ever since then for the past 10 years I have just been doing them as a means of self medicating to cope with anxiety and depression. Opiates are the main drugs of choice for me and I am really trying to stop. I have been addicted to Fentanyl, Heroin, Dilaudid and Oxycodone and it has almost destroyed my life on many occasions. I have gotten into serious trouble for heroin posession and gone to rehab and relapsed when i got out. I am currently on probation for the drug posession and im off in january. the only drug i have been doing lately is fentanyl because it doesnt show up on drug tests like other opiates will. does anyone out there have any advice or words of encouragement? I dont want to be doing drugs anymore, but at the same time my anxiety is so unbearable i dont know how to live without some sort of mind altering chemical to help me deal with it....
drummerman420 drummerman420
22-25, M
3 Responses Jul 26, 2010

You sound a lot like I used to, Don't get me wrong I still have HUGE anxiety issues as well as debilitating depression, but I'm now taking methadone and haven't injected morphine heroin or dilaudid in over three years. The methadone helped as a anti anxiety/ anti depressant as well as controlled the urge to abuse opiates, ever thought of going to see a methadone doctor? I can't tell you how much it helped me, and I am now weaning off SLOWLY and am a lot better, I'm not where I want to be, but I'm not where I was! just remember slow and steady, everyday get a bit better, don't try to do too much all at once, or you're setting yourself up for failure. If I can get here, so can you!!

Getting help is the first step so you can be properly diagnosed and treated. You are young and you deserve better than living with that anxiety.

Hi I'm up dealing with it now how do I cope