Help Please

I have uncontroled anxiety my whole life. I had a horrible childhood, i was molested, raped, abused, abandoned, witnessed a murder and 2 suicides all before i was 18 . Now i am 26,  married,  and have a daughter. My anxiety has gotten so bad that it is debilitating i hate being alone and cant sleep when i am. When my husband is at work i constantly check my houes by walking around with a knife that way if someone is in my house i am ready to attack. I cant sleep at night for fear that someone will break in and harm my family.  I have anxiety attacks over anything, when we are driving in the car i invision us being in an accident and losing my husband and child, or when i hear a plane come in for landing i fear that it is a bomb that is going to destroy the world, or crazy health anxiety that i will lose my husband to a brain aneurysm or blood clot. I constantly go to the emerengcy room when i am sick or something out of the ordinary happens with my body for fear of the worse,  when really i should be treating them with over the counter medicine. It can get especially bad  when my husband and i have date night i constantly call the sitter to check on my daughter for fear that someone will hurt her or something terrible will happen, like a fire or worse. Lately it has gotten so bad that at night i lay in front of the door and listen to hear if someone is breaking into my house. Even though i have a great alarm system i still cant help but think that something terrible is going to happen to my family. When my husband leaves for work in the morning (5am) i go into my bedroom with my daughter, a knife and the house phone, lock the door and barricade myself in there till the sun comes up, for fear that someone is watching him leave so they can come hurt me and my daughter. I dont know how to shut these feelings off and it is driving a wedge between my husband and i, and i fear that my daughter will grow up with anxiety because i am overly anxious. I dont want my daughter to be like me i want her to have a healthy and normal childhood and not have these crazy fears. She is still too young to understand what is going on so i hope that some how i can get the help i need to get through this ..... please help me
velezmclain velezmclain
22-25
5 Responses Aug 4, 2010

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If you can obtain regular talk therapy sessions for your situation and possibly medication, if recommended, it would be a good start in my opinion.<br />
Once your established in therapy, your husband, should be an integral part of the healing process by participating in some of your therapy sessions so he understands your situation better. After all it affects your entire family as you state in your story. <br />
Everyone is different, but I have found talk therapy and medication has shown positive results in my case. <br />
Be patient, if medication needs to be adjusted or changed before finding what is right for you. It is common for a trial and error process to find what works for you best. It's not an exacting science<br />
I wish you the best on your path to healing.<br />
paco35.

First please let me tell you that you are not alone. I know it feels like you are and that no one can understand or relate to these thoughts you are having, but there are so many others out there who suffer this terrible illness and YOU CAN GET HELP TO CONTROL IT. If you havent already, please visit your doctor, and get him to refer you for CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). Its the best thing i ever did to help me with my anxiety and panic disorder, and i am improving by the day. A lot of the things you described, i was doing also. The last 6 months it got so bad, i just really felt like giving up and that life would never get better. But my CBT has turned everything around, and i know i am going to beat this, it just takes time and a lot of work. I also have a little girl like you, our children are the reason we will keep on fighting this and the reason we will succeed. My thoughts are with you :)

All I can suggest is you get some sort of counselling or therapy for this, probably best to see your doctor first and discuss it with them. It is obvious that these fears stem from what you witnessed in your childhood. It sounds like you went through a pretty bad time.