I Have Anxiety
I recently (Since March this year) slowly decended into one of the darkest fuzziest places I've ever been. I couldn't shake thoughts of dying from my head and kept over anyalysing absolutley everything around me. From the way that buidlings were made, the universe, life, death, my own sense of reality and being. I went to go and see a Doctor after I had some rather disturbing dreams and got perscribed some anti-depressents at a very low dose that I was advised to "Ignore that they're anti-depressents" they're just to help me sleep. I didn't take them as both my dad and my uncle battle with depression and I do NOT want to start getting into the cycle. If people survived before drugs so can I.
6 months on and I'm still not fully back to "normal" but I feel 300 times better! I have started to learn the piano as I LOVE classical piano music and it is something that I have always wanted to do. I have a loving girl friend and my job has stablaised into a regular income so overall I'm in a much better place. I'd just like to point out that these are my points of view! :) Sure my g.f still shouts at me to do the dishes and doesn't put out as much as I'd like, and sure my job is stressful and I hate the Tube but in the grand scheme of things, life is pretty good. If this is the only chance we get at it I'm not going to lay in bed thinking about where I'm going to be when I'm dead, or the next plane I get on will crash. I'm just going to sit back and enjoy all the beauty in the world around us. Music, Books, landscapes.
As anyone that's had symptoms of anxiety knows, it's very hard to really describe what you feel other than floaty, detached and a bit down. But please always remmeber that it only ever lasts for a blip of your life and you'll soon be feeling normal again as soon as YOU let yourself! :) Positive re-enforcement, saying things aloud and laughing at your own ludicrious thoughts and fears is better than any drug, I promise.
