My Latest Experience With Creepy Crawlies And My First Post On Here :)

Ok, I have just come down from a major panic attack following an incident with a spider in my own home (25/05/2012 08:36 GMT+00). I am 18 years old and live in East London (so I'm not accustomed to spiders in my everyday life)
I have always, as most people have, been scared of spiders. However I have severe panic attacks when confronted with a spider larger than my thumb nail.
For example let me run you through the events that took place at the date and time specified abover whilst my nerves are still up.
I was casually walking down my stairs to get some breakfast actually whistling a happy tune. After happily preparing my toast and tea I went to walk upstairs when my eyes were drawn to a largish black object above the door frame of the living room.
Needless to say i froze in terror. I slowly laid my meal on the floor, my appetite quickly vanished, and carefully retreated up my staircase whilst keeping my eyes fixed on the beast through the banister rails.
In my room I collected my thoughts and planned my actions. Pacing back and forth for a few minutes I decided I had to kill it or risk it creeping up on me at another time. I returned down stairs to luckily see it in the same place unmoved. I grabbed the biggest book i could find and crept towards it, however 3 meters from the spider a burning sensation erupted in my mind and i my legs buckled (I actually fell to the floor).
I retreated back to the safe distance across the house whilst still staring at it. I decided to KILL IT WITH FIRE! (as the meme goes) with a deodrant can and a lighter. However the deodrant was, surpprise surprise, in the living room to which the spider guarded the entance to.
I am up with an ingenious plan. I filled a bucket with water, and grabbed a 1.2L jug of boiling water, I pushed the bucket directly underneath the spider with a broom, keeping my safe distance. Standing across the room at about 6meters away I launched the jug of water at the spider hoping to knock it into the bucket. The plan failed as the water seemed to just bounced off the spider seeming to anger it.
It dropped off the wall and crawled on the floor (making me vomit in my mouth seeing it move). I scurried onto my staircase still keeping an eye on it, whilst shivering in terror over the banisters.
I decided to throw a book at it, which missed, as it started crawling towards a closed door which it could easily fit underneath.
I picked up the broom and started whcking at the spider with all my might completely forgetting my fears, more focused on the fact of not letting it get out of eyesight. After a good 40second of smashing needless to say the spider was left in several pieces across the room. I know what your thinking, "This isn't so severe?" which i agree with. But i was running purely off adrenaline forgetting most of my fears just to deal with it. The real problems came afterwards.
As I type this, the spiders remains are still scattered across the room downstairs, the bucket of water and puddles of water are still over the walls and on the floor.
After its death i collected my toast and tea and rushed upstairs still in partial shock. As i reached the usual comfort of my room I was seeing black spots everywhere and could feel tickles on my neck and legs.
I sat on my bed, in complete silence and began to eat my breakfast, by this time was stone cold. However, as hungry as I was previously I felt sick and the most disturbing, silly thoughts ran through my mind, such as what if a spider is hiding inbetween my toast pieces, i threw the toast, tea and plate out the window and laid in my bed, under the covers and started uncontrollably crying. Mock me if you want but I cant control how I react and hopefully the intelligent people with knowledge of phobias on this site will know this.
After my 10 minute long crying session, I ran to the bathroom to throw up in my toilet.
This reaction is typical of me when confronted with a spider any larger than an inch and a half.
Please dont give advice about "confronting your fears" because I've tried that and its only added to my fears, Also the advice going around about learning facts about spiders please none of them. Phobias are IRRATIONAL fears of spiders, I knew what spider this was it was a False Widow Spider and I know its bite isn't strong enough to pierce my skin so my fear is irrational, even if this beast was knowing for giving kisses and hugs I would still be terrified and throw the nearest heavy object at it.
Im sure this reaction isn't normal and I need help, I cant get on in life with this fear hanging over my head all my life.
Chunkzz Chunkzz
May 25, 2012