The Exciting World Of Having Severe Asperger's

Well, my story begins after a doctor at the hospital noticed there was something 'different' about me. I had been referred to the hospital for reasons entirely unrelated to Asperger's, but the doctor picked up on what was wrong pretty quickly. In fact, she pretty much started the diagnosis after the following exchange: "So, what television programmes do you like?" "Oh, for crying out loud. I've been asked that three different times by different doctors, and I don't see the point in it. If there was a point, it would already be in your notes." BOOM. That was it. I was later accused of "Killing a conversation quickly". So, I managed to kill the friendly atmosphere and get on the wonderfully exciting road of being diagnosed with Asperger's all in 5 minutes.

Believe it or not, I was banned from seeing the doctor after that point. As I was only 15, my mother took my place and was interviewed by the doctors. At this point, many people would be wondering, "15? But, if you had severe AS, surely you would have been diagnosed a lot earlier?" Well, perhaps this would have been so, had my parents taken up the advice thrown at them by various people. The earliest occasion where someone expressed their genuine concern (i.e. they were sure it wasn't just 'awkward kiddie behaviour') was when I was five. At that point, my main form of contact with the outside world was by scratching or biting individuals, plus I had a habit of hiding under tables, for reasons I have since forgotten (assuming there was a reason in the first place). My parents, being proud individuals, refused to listen and tried to deal with the problem themselves. Unsuccessfully, of course.

Anyway, I digress. I heard nothing from the doctors until a few months later, when my mother came home with a slip of paper with 'Asperger's sydrome' written on it, given to her by the doctor. I had never heard of such a thing before. Not long after this, I was sent off to a speech therapist to undergo a series of tests. Well, I must admit, I learnt a hell of a lot of stuff about myself that day, in particular, I found out I am terrible at reading emotions, and I cannot take verbal instructions... at all. I realised that this had always been the case, but no one had ever pointed it out to me before, or rather, no one had mentioned that my situation wasn't considered to be quote - 'normal' - unquote.

So, turns out I had 'severe' AS all along. But, all my life I had been treated as though I was a normal person, albeit a particularly awkward one.

Fast forward to my University years. My University had an induction programme for autistic students, to let them settle in a few days before the main masses of freshers arrived. I was, somewhat unsurprisingly, the only girl there. The majority of the other autistic students had been diagnosed at an early age and given extensive training to be brought to a socially acceptable level. This, at first, made me somewhat jealous, but I later realised I had no need to be, for I noticed that the conversations held by these individuals were rather... uh... forced. As if someone had trained them to stick to a particular discourse when conversing with another. It seemed as though I was talking to one of those chatbots you get on the internet. Now, I may not be particularly fluent in speech, myself (believe it or not, I am absolutely hopeless at speaking), but at least I can exercise some creativity when talking to a stranger, as I have had (forced) practical experience. No one had told me what to do; I had to work it all out through trial and error. Mostly error.

But my background story has, thus far, been too long and will no doubt be blasted as being prolix. Well, at least allow me to sign off and give an update as to my current situation. I am still a very, very unpopular individual (I have always been considered to be 'quirky', 'enigmatic', 'shy' throughout my 20 glorious years), although I have somehow managed to acquire myself a (neurotypical, may I add) boyfriend, who is absolutely amazingly amazing, and, surprisingly, doesn't care that I have AS. In fact, he tries to help me cope with it all, for instance, if I am with a large number of people, he often asks me if I am comfortable or if I need to move somewhere quieter to 'cool off' (yup, I'm terrible with crowds and with loud noises). I had always considered myself to be unlovable because there's 'something drastically wrong with me', but apparently not. Took me by complete surprise, if I must be honest, as I had always been led to believe that aspies are hopeless when it comes to relationships, but maybe I'm just lucky? Makes up for all those lost years of being a total loner, I believe.