My Husband Has Been Diagnosed With Aspergers Syndrome

My husband has just been diagnosed with it by a psychologist, apparently there is different levels, out of a spectrum of 100 he is approx between 25 - 30 which has been HELL to live with.  He is now 49 years old and we have been together for over 15 years, together for 16.  His childhood was not good by all accounts,(or so he says)  he always thinks he is right; at first I thought he was just moody, but as time went on I thought he was damn strange with experiencing his excentric behaviour and lack of empathy; he cannot deal with social evenings, he once went to a car rally conference and took a friend with him and instead of having a meal in the conference room with other car rally members he had booked a meal about 10 miles away with his friend, his friend told me what he did and he thought it was odd; another situation concerning lack of empathy was when we found my mother on the floor (she has a record of angina and has had 2 heart attacks in the past) she was finding it hard to breath and had a pain in her chest and down her arm, as soon as I saw her I immediately picked up the phone to call an ambulance and my husband asked me what I was doing, he told me to " put the phone down and put her back in the chair, she'll be alright" I would tell you what I said to him but I ignored him and rang 999, its a good job I did as she was having a very bad heart attack and only had an hour to live, she was transferred to the Freeman Hospital and they put 3 stents around her heart, I saved her life; my mum heart what he said (about putting her back in the chair, and she's never forgot that to this day), I am now seperated, no one could live with a person like him.  Is there anyone out there that have been though lack of empathy situations or bad social situations with people like this, apparently there is 1 in every 200 people suffer with it in this country, I can't imagine going through anything worse, please email me and tell me your experiences, I need to share my experiences with others. xx
italyamerica italyamerica
3 Responses May 7, 2012

welcome i have aspergers

That one episode about the heart attack, by itself, is not necessarily conclusive. <br />
Anyone can be ignorant, and being an Aspie might not even be relevant. <br />
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The other examples aren't entirely clear. He could just be a little quirky.<br />
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By the way, "common sense" is just a sense that two or more people have in common. It isn't wright or wrong. Sometimes, I look around me and feel as though the world is completely insane - How can you not see this problem, or how can you so casually accept that problem... Things that are painfully obvious to me go right over the heads of most people, and vice-versa. (Fashion? The latest soap opera? Why should I care?) The more people you have in a situation, the less useful a phrase like "common sense" will be. It implies a set of understandings that do not exist in the real world.

It’s actually more like 1/85. My sister has AS. It impacts every aspect of her life. She is very smart, but as they say lacks “common sense”. The main thing to realize is that it is not a choice on his part. He is not cold or uncaring. Often a person with AS if very compassionate and caring, but cannot empathize (put themselves in another’s shoes) but they can care and do care and can be compassionate. It is important to understand these are different ideas. If he truly did not care he would not have cared if your mother was in her chair or not. Another aspect of AS that is a challenge is abstract thought, putting things in priority and making decisions. Clearly this was a problem with the situation you mentioned. People with AS often do not see the “forest for the trees”, that is the best way to think about it. They will know a tree inside out and backwards, but the other trees they will never be aware of. This is typical of AS. It is not a choice on his part, he can’t help it. I expect to him your mother being on the ground out of the chair was the priority and that was his focus. He would need guidance to understand that he should react in a different way. With education and training he can understand what to do, but he cannot use empathy like you can. He has never had angina or a heart attack and cannot understand what that is.