My 14 Year Old

I suspect and have suspected for some time that my daughter has Aspergers. I have her in therapy and intend to speak with her therapist about getting a diagnosis of whether she does or not, so we can find the tools that will help her and us best.
This morning was a rough morning. She could not find her eyelash glue and so she started erupting, throwing stuff around, yelling, and getting in this frenzied state. It is so hard to know how to help, other than trying to stay calm and help her to get the particular item she needs or to calm whatever the matter is over, so she does not go into a full blown melt down. It is highly stressful and a lot of the time we all feel like we are walking on eggshells. 
Needless to say, she did not get ready for school on time and is still at home this morning rather than at school right now because she refuses to go to school late. Last year during the school year this was also a major problem. I feel kind of at a loss of what to do. 
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4 Responses Sep 14, 2012

One thing you need to constantly keep in mind is to be calm. Be patient and see if you can begin to see things from her perspective. What seems irrational to you or me is absolutely appropriate to her. Find out what triggers her and why these things are so important to her. There are root causes to all of the outbursts. Take small and gradual steps toward identifying those causes, understanding them and eventually taking action on them. I have a younger brother with Asperger's syndrome so I know what your going through to a degree, please contact me if you ever need to talk, dont hesitate and good luck! Things do get better!

This suggestion goes together with Bestbefore's advice to have a place for everything: identify her triggers, then pick a very calm time to strategize with her. Talk with her about what happens when the trigger is tripped, then talk about various things the two of you can do to work through the situation. Decide on a plan and then put it into action when an event occurs. Then, after the crisis is over, talk again about how it went. She is old enough to start thinking about these things objectively.

I speak as the parent of a child with AS. This procedure works for us.

Make sure everything has a place, so it can be found, if not by you, by her.

I'm 45 YRS old and I'm the same way. Having a very low frustration level is very common with Asperger's and I can't handle any stress or frustration and any little thing that goes wrong sets me off into a raging angry tantrum and my husband is always saying I "act like a 2YR old" even though I can't help it and I wish I wasn't this way and I am ashamed of it. It's also hurtful that people hate me and criticize me for being what I am.