This Isn't Aspergers, This Is Me.I am so lonely in this world, no one understands.. To me, its not just depression or sadness, its about not having a place.. Its about searching for my soul, its about serching for the meaning that no one cares to look for in this world.
People tell me off for my behaviour, they say its socially unacceptable, i still dont see how.
The only time i have peace is when im out soul searching, people say i look crazy. So what if i swim in the river to get home, so what if my plan is to create symbols with sticks in hope to connect with another world so they can take me away from earth.
So what if i walk around with no shoes on, why do people wear shoes? Why did i get taken by the police for sitting outside with no shoes on, why when i wanted to leave did they pin me to the floor and handcuff me? I did nothing wrong.
Why cant i sit alone for a week and not eat if im not hungry? Why does the world question everything i do?
I am at peace when i am alone, i sometimes wish my family would all die so i could be alone forever.
I dont want to drink alcohol, i dont want to go out to pubs, i dont want to work and meet people. I dont want to do anything..
I just want to live, on the streets like a fox. I want the world to leave me alone.
Yes i am different from every human being in the world, i see that, but its because i am better. I am at one with myself, its only when everyone trys to help me and get me to do things that i am sad.
I dont want to dress up, i dont want friends, i dont want to live in a flat, i dont want to drive, i dont want medication, i dont want a mobile phone..
I have been contemplating for a while now to just pack a bag and leave.
I could sleep in that bush i sit in, i could live on the rooftops in the city, i could eat fresh fruit and water, i wouldnt have to cook, i wouldnt have to have any friends i wouldnt have to have anything.
I dont want anything.
Suicide is a thought i never let drift far from my mind.. But why kill yourself if you have a chance to be free?
I want to run, i want to ride my bike
As fast as i can. I want to be alone but no one will leave me alone!!
I dont want sex, i dont want to brush my hair, i dont want to take baths, i dont want to wear clothes that look nice for other people.
I am happy in my baggy pants and t shirts, i have like 8 of the same that i can wear repeatedly.
Do i pack this bag and leave?
Or do i conform and end up hanging in my wardrobe?