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This Isn't Aspergers, This Is Me.

I am so lonely in this world, no one understands.. To me, its not just depression or sadness, its about not having a place.. Its about searching for my soul, its about serching for the meaning that no one cares to look for in this world.

People tell me off for my behaviour, they say its socially unacceptable, i still dont see how.

The only time i have peace is when im out soul searching, people say i look crazy. So what if i swim in the river to get home, so what if my plan is to create symbols with sticks in hope to connect with another world so they can take me away from earth.

So what if i walk around with no shoes on, why do people wear shoes? Why did i get taken by the police for sitting outside with no shoes on, why when i wanted to leave did they pin me to the floor and handcuff me? I did nothing wrong.

Why cant i sit alone for a week and not eat if im not hungry? Why does the world question everything i do?

I am at peace when i am alone, i sometimes wish my family would all die so i could be alone forever.
I dont want to drink alcohol, i dont want to go out to pubs, i dont want to work and meet people. I dont want to do anything..

I just want to live, on the streets like a fox. I want the world to leave me alone.

Yes i am different from every human being in the world, i see that, but its because i am better. I am at one with myself, its only when everyone trys to help me and get me to do things that i am sad.

I dont want to dress up, i dont want friends, i dont want to live in a flat, i dont want to drive, i dont want medication, i dont want a mobile phone..

I have been contemplating for a while now to just pack a bag and leave.

I could sleep in that bush i sit in, i could live on the rooftops in the city, i could eat fresh fruit and water, i wouldnt have to cook, i wouldnt have to have any friends i wouldnt have to have anything.

I dont want anything.

Suicide is a thought i never let drift far from my mind.. But why kill yourself if you have a chance to be free?

I want to run, i want to ride my bike
As fast as i can. I want to be alone but no one will leave me alone!!

I dont want sex, i dont want to brush my hair, i dont want to take baths, i dont want to wear clothes that look nice for other people.

I am happy in my baggy pants and t shirts, i have like 8 of the same that i can wear repeatedly.

Do i pack this bag and leave?
Or do i conform and end up hanging in my wardrobe?
Bestbefore Bestbefore 22-25 4 Responses Sep 15, 2012

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You have to follow your heart. You have to live for yourself and do what's best for you and not try and please everyone else.Find yourself and do what makes you happy; it's YOUR life.

walk away, find yourself
peace love and happiness

i honestly don't see how much of this is realated to aspergers. i have the same wardrobe. i don't see how you can be as free as you want to be though. there are many complications. i don't know if you live in america or not, but that's where i am. there aren't many places to live where you could live like that. most growing plants belong to farmers or are on someone's property, so it would be steeling. but if you've got no problem with that i would LOVE to tell you to just go and be free. but i don't think you would last long. the world has changed. times have changed. a life like that is not without tromendous difficulty. it would be much easier to throw in the towl. but if your up to the challenge, go for it. worst that could happen is you come back and are in the same place you are now, and you conform to what everyone else wants you too.
medication would take years to find the right one for some people. just try what you want to do in life first and if that fails, you have the option of going back. i would just make sure you have the money to do so and you think everything through. you need to know what you need if you are to try this. so you will probably want money in case, you never know what for.

This isn't aspergers this is me, that is why it is called this. Maybe i need to do it so I can realise i need what i have. Maybe its a test to myself.. Maybe i should run for a week and then come back.

run for a week then come back? sounds like a great plan. i'd go for that.

But i don't want them to ring the police or be looking for me, i dont want them to worry, but they will.. And they will ring the police! But ive just read that if someone wants to go missing, and they tell the police they are ok, the police wont search. So maybe i will tell the police that i am going aswell, so it doesnt cause anyone any more stress.

just leave a note that you will be gone for a week for personal reasons and you will be back not to worry.

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Okay. Soooooo...what you're looking for is permission to do whatever you want? Its fine if you have the money to pay for your adventure. Have you any? Anyone can be homeless and free if they want, but move someplace temporate or you'll die of exposure in the winter.

I have money, I have alot of stuff.. That's the whole point.. I don't want it anymore.

Well get rid of the stuff and literally wander off. People disappear all the time. You can create a hidden home base for yourself if wanted, but if not...get on your bike and leave. Or work from home so you can look however you want and have groceries ordered in. Or move to India. Who is stopping you?

I just want everyone to leave me alone, i feel like i have to run because I want to be alone and no one will let me.

My family, my doctors, the staff where i live, my 'friends'.. I want people to leave me alone. I am sick of it.

If you live someplace with a staff, you're screwed. I used to work at an adult male group home, and they had freedom but not limitless. They would often feel like you and stop taking their meds and take off to live as they chose on the streets. Sometimes they came back, sometimes the police brought them back, sometimes they never came back and i wondered about them for a long time. Whatever happened to paul- is he dead? Etc. I'm sorry you feel so damn frustrated.

Are they forcing you to take meds/pills? Run away! Do not let them control you mind!
Do you have money, much money? Buy a farm in a calm place and live here.
The system is a lie. He is just using peoples as a engine. You do not need that engine. You just need water, food and a place to sleep. The place to sleep is the more dificult, unfortunately....

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