Enlightenment And Conscious Dating Leads To Utter Disillusionment

i would give anything to feel some other way than I did lately. I'd pay someone to steal me of my beliefs and the truth i've found nad show me just how wrong I was. I'd give anything to see something else and to believe and see people acting counter to it.

But the truth is that lately I've been seeing the same stupid ****. Theaters full of women swooning over edward cullen.  my own BEST friends likening themselves to cats and my dislike of how if you give cats attention they didn't ask for they hate you for it.


All of this and then what happened as a result of loving tristin and the girls who liked  me and how i was off the market and how it'[sall repeating itself again and I still se emy best friend swooning for edward even though i show how his protectiveness of her crossed over the line to the point where it stifled her


and I still see them swooning and What i'm seeing is that i've been removed from the game of cats and dogs for a time. Paused. But while it's been paused i've started to have DEEP questions. Is woman not far more than her instincts? Is man not as well? Far more.


Where I sit and after all the reflection the energy the 2012 the awareness of the reptitlian brain and that my intuition was leading me astray and down a dark path.


i look across and know i should want more than anything to belong and to connect and to have and to hold but what Is washing over me is that I've started to overcome my own instinct and have evolved and now see the opposite gender as primitive... to be pitied as helpless and governed by their own sexual impulses in such a way that is self destructive.


and i don't want to feel this. At all. I want so very desperately to be wrong...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXyp9p1UDPg <-perhaps the alien **** is false but the rest..


The r-complex....

I'm feeling lost.


help me if you can but this is NOT the way I am wired. my sexual impulses are NOT self-destructive.
ManifestoOfThePhoenix ManifestoOfThePhoenix
31-35, M
Dec 11, 2012