You Are So Not Smart.I don't know what to ******* tell them anymore
Some members of my family
You’re dealing with an intense worlder. “oh that’s just a theory” but it’s not it’s not something I Have to wait on science to confirm to tell you ob
You are NOT as emotionally intelligent as you like to think, sitting on your high perch. How dare your AS child say and accuse you of the things he did, but this only happens to you because the child is tired of dealing with the same ****, new day. The same problems are absolutely constantly recurrent in this family and I’ve tried for YEARS, for ******* YEARS to signal to others as to HOW to work with me but it’s now a situation of arrogance and egotism to suggest any of this
My sister loves to suggest she’s able to hyperfocus to but for her it’s not a big deal to go back. SHE can shut out the world as well but for HER it’s easy to phase transition back into ordinary reality. So of course any request that she does not pound on my door when she needs something or even KNOCK because when I’ve let go It’s not easy for me to switch, just send a text message and i’ll get back with her, this is treated with absolutely unreasonable tension and drama. All of my posturing has to be to get a higher intellectual and emotional perch then her because she’s not going to want to do the one thing that makes sense because to her she’s going to take a practical solution to people’s bruised egos at the shouting and turn it inside out to into an impractical one.
IF you read the earlier two blogs I was trying to allude to the fact that the “cruelty” with which I answer my god damn door when interupted with is not in fact cruelty at all but more akin to the cries of a cornered animal when it’s been hit a few dozen times. See the door and all of that is now an intensely painful emotional AND physical trigger when knocked on by them. It sends my brain into STRAIGHT fight or flgiht and one thing about them is FLIGHT? they would come and find me and yell at me later . So naturally what happens, and it happens in less than a split second (Because my conscious awareness ISN’T IN IT) is that the door gets knocked on, I scream at them “WHAT?!!” because it HURT and they get offended and tell me to be nicer next time.
I try to casually explain that if you want kindness change the stimulus but they don’t get it. That that situation is so deeply engrained in my brain struggling against it would require quite a bit of team work so just send a text message.
I have emails, page after page of her trying to assert her own ego and emotional position about how much of an imposition it would be to slow the **** down enough to send a text.
So after about 20 pages of this **** I just decided to make her aware that mom has a heart condition, she’s always on a rush and that we all have LEARNED from each other so MOM is in a rush, DAD is in a rush, YOU’RE in a rush and i’m screaming SLOW DOWN.
Mom is usually more than willing but the other two of them have to be CAROLED into being considerate and yet someone some way or another it’s so important to them that nobodys FEELINGS get hurt. More so then it is that nobody have to endure sensory assault or that my own mother be actually taken care of when the family is on the go so she doesn’t have a bloody asthma attack and heart attack
They get ot sit on their high perches and pretend i’m a sociopath because I’d dare, DArE show them how their behavior effects mom.
how DARE I?
how dare YOU think your emotional intelligence is HIGHER just because the higher faculties of reason have blessed you greater than I and l et you win debates so easily.
Rationality be damned too
because I’m not the only party making a inherently emotional case. I want the pain to stop, and she doesn’t want to be inconvenienced.
Both of will now look for the most profound facts to logically support the case against the other.
The other side will never admit this. you can build a logical case for or against anything. It doesn’t mean we should or shouldn’t do it.
This is the danger of my studyign neurology. I can see finalyl under the FMRIs the BRIDGE that happens when people use reason into the emotional brain to see that they're using logic to justify an emotion.
so it's more important to not be hassled then it is to stop the fighting. For her. Priorities.
Fifty years ago some young MIT scholars delivered a radical notion to the world. They proposed that it is possible to scientifically study precise mechanisms and processes of human thought. The movement was the catalyst for many fields of study.
Now after a generation of productive research, a newer paradigm shift is taking place. Science is discovering that it is our emotions that make thought possible, not the other way around. We simply cannot understand thought without understanding emotion. This is a radical departure from the traditional perspective, which used to regard emotion as the antagonist of reason.
Because we subscribed to this false ideal of rational, logical thought, we diminished the importance of everything else," said Marvin Minsky, a professor at MIT and pioneer of artificial intelligence. "Seeing our emotions as distinct from thinking was really quite disastrous."
Cognitive psychologists have traditionally downplayed the importance of emotions to the thought process. "They regarded emotions as an artifact of subjective experience, and thus not worthy of investigation," said Joseph LeDoux, a neuroscientist at NYU.
In all fairness to cognitive psychologists, the field of cognitive psychology has always been criticized for being too “soft” of a science. The effect is that cognitive scientists have always felt compelled to “harden” the science up with logical facts, and less study of emotion and behavior. Ironically, “feelings” ARE the new “fact”, and the main determination of the choices we make- not logic.
In fact, the entire “science of thinking” was approached somewhat backwards right from the start. Perhaps, this was partly due to the field being largely dominated by men who suspected (in true Vulcan fashion) that “feeling” is inferior to logic. In fact, as I was summarizing these findings for this post, my husband called to tell me about a problem he is having with a coworker. I asked him if he had talked to the individual to find out how he was feeling. My husband replied, “Men don’t talk about feelings. We talk about facts.”
Of course, that doesn’t apply to all men. Antonio Damasio, a neuroscientist at USC has played an important role in establishing the importance of studying emotion. Before Damasio came onto the scene, most cognitive scientists assumed that emotions only interfered with rational thought. It was assumed that a person without any emotions would be a better thinker, since their “cortical computer” could process information without the hindrance of emotion. Damasio’s research challenged the assumption by showing that people who have suffered brain injuries which prevent them from perceiving their own feelings, are ineffective decision-makers. Most would spend hours deliberating over irrelevant details, such as where to eat lunch. Damasio’s research, among many other studies, is revealing that emotion is what enables us to make up our minds. It is pure reason- not feeling- that is the true hindrance to decision making. So take that, Mr. Spock!