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I Have a Child With Asperger's Syndrome

I created an experience group named "I Have A Child With Asperger's Syndrome" a while back, I am still the only member, so I thought I'd drop in here and say Hi. My son is 14, and just started High School. He was formally diagnosed at the age of 6, after two incidents. Firstly, his soccer coach noticed he spent more time watching the Moon than the ball, she was teaching in Special Ed, and told me to consider A.S. Secondly, his school principle sent me a letter saying she didn't want him back until he'd seen a professional. Reading between the lines she assumed he had ADD and just wanted him drugged. Thankfully we got him a proper diagnosis. He must have been hard work for her as he would not stay in his classroom and would drive everyone mad waving his arms around and responding to simple things like "Hello" with "BEEP!"

We knew our son was different when he was a toddler. He avoided eye contact and affection, and did not talk until he was 3. But he is the 5th of 6, and an eccentric child finds a niche in a large family, and we just treated him the way that seemed best. We allowed for his eccentricities, and found ways to deal with the more problematic ones, such as decision-making. Given too many options he would spin in a circle. My mother took him to buy ice cream one day and unfortunately chose one of those "50 Flavour" places, and he had a total meltdown.

We expected puberty to be a trial, but it actually went quite smoothly. I imagine it's a nightmare for an undiagnosed kid or one with an unsymathetic family. We have been told by his doctors that he is very rare in not suffering from depression, and they put it down to him having a large supportive family. He does get picked on at school, but with a brother in the football team that gets fixed very quickly.

We believe his A.S. is of the inherited variety, as his paternal grandmother is highly eccentric and was known not to have smiled as a child, but more to the point her father was a famous very eccentric polymath and general arsehole. Going back one more generation, we have a photo of his father with the exact wide-eyed same expression as our son has most of the time. You know the expession, you've seen it in photos of Albert Einstein.

I am here to tell you he is a delight to have as a son. He has taught me a totally new way of looking at everything, and especially at human society. I feel he is a gift. I adore him.

chovhani chovhani 46-50, F 8 Responses Sep 21, 2007

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He is very lucky to have a supportive mother like you, as well as an awesome family! My mother has been a heroin addicted as long as I can remember. So my having HFA and her drug addiction made for a bad childhood! Been to prison and county a bunch of times. She just got out of prison last month. And she could care less about me. I'm 25 and can't live independantly. I collect SSI and live with my grand father. <br />
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This story makes me so sad! I really wish I had a mom like you! It would have made my life growing up so much easier and I would be a better person than I am today!

I also have Aspergers Syndrome my self and i am 33

oh my god that sound like me<br />
i have total meltdowns when it comes to decision making<br />
am totally shy and generally tlak to the floor<br />
and i say beep all the time!!!!!!!<br />
good to no someone out there is like me<br />
i think the supportive family really helped

Uh, what's with the beep?

oh i made a new language when i was small. very flexible and esoteroric. beep was my word for hi

To be honest, from what I'm hearing the supportive environment is the make or break with Aspies. I hear SO MANY heartbreaking stories of depression, isolation, suicide attempts, homelessness, jail, etc etc etc......all due to lack of support growing up. <br />
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My son is a happy kid. Nobody understands him, but that doesn't bother him. What matters is that people love him, treat him fairly and include him in things. We never did the "what is wrong with him". We don't consider there to be anything "wrong". He's hust him. He's who he is. He does things his way. Sure, his way is different, but so is everyone's. What's normal anyway? Isn't it just the most popular sort of behaviour? An average? If you have an average there must be extremes by definition. <br />
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Far too much emphasis on normality makes life boring.

I am glad to hear that all is going so well for him. A supportive environment can make all the difference in the world.

Oh he's doing pretty good at the moment. He's in Grade 9 and has slotted into High School well. Aspies are usually targets for bullies and we are managing to keep that at bay because 1) He's 6'2" tall, and 2) His brother is on the football team, and very popular. It's also a good country school, so that helps.

Hey, Chovhani - it's me! Oh, I didn't know you had a son with AS. How's he doing, now?<br />
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Citysky, I hear you. I was homeless once too, when I was a lot younger. Not a good time in my life...

He's very good at math, but I would say his main area of skill is in maps. We have suggested that cartography may be a possible career for him, and he's considering that.<br />
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I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's an disorder so few people had even heard about until recently, and it's still hard to get a correct diagnosis in some places.