I Just Realized ADD Has Run My Entire Life

I just turned 54. I was diagnosed a couple of years ago with ADD, but I believed then that the only impact it had on me was my inability to focus and do things I didn't really want to do. There was a PBS special about adults with ADD, and they mentioned a book "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy" that I bought for myself this past Christmas. I finally started reading it. Oh boy. I've been fighting the tears, and cringing my entire way through the book. I haven't finished it yet, but it seems that every mistake I've made in my life (and they've baffled me and there have been some whoppers), from bad relationships to losing a job I loved to not having any friends all relates back to my undiagnosed ADD. I've been alternately angry (why did it take so long to find out?) and ashamed (like willpower could've kept me from any of the train wrecks (sarcasm)). To my credit, the subject I was hyperfocused on was being a good mother. Even my family has conceded that I'm a good mom (it took years to get them to acknowledge that my sons were good people because of me and not in spite of me). My youngest graduated from college this weekend and I'm now at a complete loss as to what to do next. I've joked to my sons that "my life's work is complete - now what?" but it really isn't a joke. I didn't realize how much I'd thrown myself into being a good mom. I really don't know what to do next. I don't like my career, and who hires 54 year-olds these days? I don't have any close friends, and my family is only marginally supportive. I don't count my sons (they're GREAT), but it's not their job to lend comfort to their perfectly capable mom when they're just embarking on their adult lives. So here I am....

I feel like a failure even though if I'm rational I know I'm not. This is my safe place to vent, and I'm glad y'all are out there to lend a kind word, and (hopefully) some decent advice.
momplaysbass momplaysbass
1 Response May 7, 2012

You'll be OK. We all have tough rows to hoe. But you're going to be fine. Credit yourself for what you've done and don't worry too much about the bad stuff. We're all fallible; that's the truth. Buck up, try to find some fun in life. It's not all black and white...