Im so tried of people saying "it took 9 months to put on the weight, so it wont come off over night" ...yes I know this but that's not the issue...If I was seeing some progress from the work I have been doing (dieting and exercising) I would try to have some patience but for the last 5 yrs been fighting a losing battle. Even before pregnancy I had to exercise every day & be on a permanent diet in order to maintain a decent weight. This damn disease and the meds Im taking for it leave me tired & fat. So as much as I am motivated to exercise this disease leaves me with no energy and when I decide to push through it my body responses & I become ill (fever, chills, joint pain, nauseous), and that's a whole nother set of problems & now I have a baby to take care of so I cant miss work or stay sick in the bed for days at a time, like I use to. Its not just exercising, what i do during my free time has be to very limited also because i tire out so easily, if i do too much, run too many errands, etc, i will be bed ridden for day...... I swear I'm fighting a losing battle and I don't know what to do. The steroids make me gain weight and make it very difficult (if not impossible) to lose. Now going to work and coming home and having all the normal stuff to take care of and wanting & needing to spend time with Noah, I'm just so tried, like most moms are but while they can say "suck it up & exercise" I will have some serious consequences health wise if I do. Believe me im not making excuses & Im not looking for sympathy, I would do just about anything to lose this weight but I just don't know what to do....... What am I suppose to do!!!???!! Stay this size and feel disgusted when I look in the mirror, cry every morning as I try to find clothes to fit or exercise daily regardless of my energy level and make myself ill. Its not just a vanity issue (but honestly it is having a serious effect on my self-esteem) but my bones can't handle all this weight. Because I have been on the steroids for so long I have developed osteoporosis on top of everything else and the extra weight can be painful. Ideally I would be able to be treated with another medication but in the 8 yrs I have been I sick we haven't been able to find anything else that works or that I can tolerate. I just feel so lost and helpless. When you put everything you have into something your suppose to succeed, right?? But I just feel like I giving my all and I just continue to fail. ... I know logically this isn't my fault but I can help feeling like a failure on top of everything else.