Autophobia...what Else???

Everything really started about two years ago. I went through some really tough anxiety and depression and I eventually started to self injure (Yeah that's right. I was emo. Get over it). I got better with time but it wasn't until a year later that I started noticing that I was still showing signs of anxiety. I would bite the inside of my cheek nonstop. When I got nervous or scared or anxious, I would bite my fingernails. But that was only the start. A few months ago, things got real tough again. My boyfriend of two years broke up with me, various rumors that could have cost me positions in school were popping up and running rampant, and the ACT was coming up and various other things were piling up fast. One day I was at home watching TV when I thought to myself "My arm hurts." I looked down only to find four to five burns on my arm. I had self injured without even knowing by scratching them. Since then, I've been trying to stop, but I can't help but to be afraid when I'm alone because I don't know what I'll do to myself. It terrifies me in fact. What if one day I get so stressed out that I starting cutting again but I don't mean to and I get seriously injured? I'm too much of a risk to myself.

In addition to that, my friends have recently been interested in creepy things like murderers and rapists and psychopaths and how they think. The thought enters my mind when I watch or read things like that, "What if I'm like them? What if I get turned on by forcing myself on people? What if I get joy out of seeing someone in pain or dead? I already watch these things so I must be somewhat interested in them." Those thoughts have escalated and now I have also developed a fear of sex. Not because I think it's gross but, because I'm afraid I'll be into something weird like pain or animals or something. I'd hate to find out I like to torture people. I so afraid of what I don't know about myself.

I already take an anti-anxiety medication and see a therapist, but I don't feel it's enough to cure this fear. It's nice to find a site like this so I know I'm not alone because that's what I'm afraid of.