I Am Constantly Scared That I Am Going To Die

How my anxiety started:

My mom had been sick all day throwing up and just not feeling well. It sucked but we all thought it was just the flu so we didn't make a big deal about it. That night my dad and  I was watching David Blane in the living room and my dad was standing in the door to the back yard smoking a cigarette.

Nita? I heard him say and he ran into his slider. "Poor mom" I thought "shes pukeing again"

Kc?! Call 911

"What! Why?!" I asked panicing

"Don't Panic just call 911"

I did, I called them even tho I didn't know what was wrong

911 operater what is your emergancy?

Help! Somethings wrong with my mom!

Ok can you tell me whats going on with her?

I dont know hold on let me go see. I ran faster then I ever have in my life

Dad! whats wrong with her?"  I asked not understanding what going on

I dont know" he said worried "She cant talk

I ran back to the 911 operator and told her that she was shakeing bad and that she couldnt talk

Ok miss the ambulances should be there soon ok? If anthing else happens call back ok?

I said ok and ran back into my parents room.

When I ran in my mom was laying longways on their bed shaking like she was freezing cold. Her brown eyes were wide open but looked as if they could see nothing. She motioned for me to come to her and she was pointing at the celing. I sat with her for a second and told her that I loved her and that everything was ok. I got so scared that I told her that I had to go and wait for the ambulances. When the fire truck pulled up to m y house I led them into my mom and dads room and left to hide on the side of my house. That was the last time I saw my mom.

Thats when my anxiety went haywire. I am constantly scared that I am going to die. I think medicine (the side effects) are going to kill me, that I will have an allergic reaction and die. I am scared that my 7 month son is going to die from SIDS. I am constantly checking that he is breatheing. I am scared that we will get in a car accident that I cannot prevent and my fiance and son will die and I will be left alone. I fear germs will give me a terrable incureable illness and I will suffer untill my last breath. I am terrified of fevers. I fear that someone will get a fever and die from their body shutting down. I am scared that I will get brain cancer or any other cancer and succomb to it slowly...the list goes on and on. I am only 18! This is not how I should be living. My anxiety is so bad about my son getting hurt  or dropped that no one holds him but me and his dad. I cry constantly because I want to be how I used to be. I want to live free again! How can I do that? How? Will my anxiety ever go away? Will I ever truely live again?

Kc18 Kc18
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 24, 2010

As you get older you will probably move out and start ur own life. That will be ur saving, maybe!