Yeah Wow Me Too.

Ok that sounded lame. I've been depressed for more years then I would like to think about. I was 6 years old and saying I was sick cause I had stomach aches and felt sad at school. I have had years of felling ok and wondering how I was so depressed earlier. Now I just walk a tight rope where I hope my bad days don't end me. I will never say I had a horrible life but I will say I had one I couldn't deal with. My mind never gave me a break. I have been to more shrinks and taken more drugs then anyone ever should and it never changed anything. I'm kinda ok right now. Why is that more scary then being depressed? Aren't we supposed to have the hope of being better and having a good life? I'm scared that if it all fell apart now I would lose. I couldn't take it. I like ok. I like a life that doesn't make me want to run and hide. Why can't I just be ok with Ok ? Why do I have to sit and cry while writing this?
goldenstar1975 goldenstar1975
1 Response Jul 17, 2010

If you are crying, it is not O.K. I've been taught that depression is living on the outer edges of the energy field of intense sadness. Maybe you have good reasons to feel intense sadness Maybe the experiences were in the past and stored in you body. If you isolate that intense sadness and feel it thoroughly, it will probably dissapate. Feeelings demand awareness. Once they get it, they leave their lessons and return to the creative pool from which they were created. If you don't feel the feelings fully, they just go on and on, making you maginally miserable for years and years. It doesn't take a long time to be fully aware of past pain, sometimes less than an hour. It might help.