I Fought It The Whole Way

Growing up my mother was always a jealous person. I never understood why she was so jealous of me, either. She used to hit my face if I made eye contact with her. I was made to always lower my head and look down at my feet. She never told me I was pretty. She would tell people I was trouble and get angry at them if they tried to have small conversation,or joke with me. I learned to be creative and distance myself from people. I never could understand how some people would criticize me in a harsh way based on my mother's word. They never witnessed any wrong behavior. How could they mistreat a child because the parent told them to do so?

I fought depression all my youth, and continue to do so today. I have more better days than bad, and am more optimistic. I had hoped to be doing better at this point in my life.
WrenHomeNYC WrenHomeNYC
41-45, F
2 Responses May 5, 2012

I trust you have thrwn your mother out of your life, no contact. She is clearly the reason for your depression and must be removed.<br />
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If you haven't done so, do it and don't make excuses not to. You do not need contact with her at all, ever.<br />
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Obviously you need help to get past her torment and it may be that you are suited to therapy first.<br />
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Go to the loal doc and I woudsuggest you ask for referral to boith a shrink, for a diagisis you can believe, and a therapist. He or she will know what therapy is needed.<br />
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Thyey may see a need for meds first as your mood must be raised if you are in deep before therapy is effective. Once at that level aso learn CBT. Google it. SOunds easy and it actually is, once you have managed to make it work. Understanding it is easy but practising it is hard and needs repetition. That's because your negative thought patterns have been so dominant. It wil take a while to break that down.<br />
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I never thught I could but ine day I just started practicing it and now it's like using a remote cotrol to change channels. As son as I feel the negative thugts I just switch to another topic and they are gone again.<br />
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Not as simple as I've summarised it. It's very sow, very had and gently gently is the way. No miracle, no big breakthoughs, Just steady ciubing up unt yu know you're OK. The docs can never tell you that as it is yu whyo feels it. You have to tel them when you get there.<br />
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Work hard and stay awat from that mother. See her and she wiull destroy months of hard work.

Thank you for sharing.