I Love Life But I Hate My Life

Im 18 and I have been depressed since I was 7 years old. Every single day I think about suicide, how I would kill myself who I would affect and will they remember me. I could be sitting in a car looking out the window thinking what if I just opened the door and throw my self into traffic. The reason why I became depressed in the begging is because when my brother got kicked out I was alone. My parents are clueless they just yell at me tell me call me horrible names and sometimes abuse me. My brother was the only one I could talk to when he was home, now the only thing I have a my wight wall or my dog. I see my brother now but he has changed he thinks about suicide too but won't because now he has a daughter, his wife is rood and mean and does not care about anyone's feelings including my brother. Friends don't even know I'm depressed because I hide it. And cousins they just think I'm weirded selfish and lazy. From 7-18 I have tried to kill myself 7 times but every time I tried something was interrupting me. 18 is suppose to be the age I die...I have been planing this since I was 15. Another part of me doesn't want to die because I want to see my 2year old niece grow she is the only niece that calls be tia(aunt) and says I love you to me. She is the one thing that is keeping me alive right now but if my life keeps continuing the way it's continuing I'm just going to go crazy and kill myself.
mfrankie1994 mfrankie1994
18-21
Dec 13, 2012