Depression Since Childhood

I never enjoyed most of my childhood years. Although I must admit that it's the time where I've had my most precious memories, there were lots of moments back then that I remember I'm not being appreciated. I was always the second best, the bad and ugly one, always makes mistakes... I got beaten up by my parents so many times and I was the only child who suffered such conditions. And so I thought I am never good enough. I would prefer to be alone, stay up in my room and would feel so much sadness. So many negative thoughts grew in my mind and these were the voices I've heard ever since.

I'm now 25 and I still don't have a definite plan for my life. I have been constantly battling with my depression. As my responsibilities are becoming bigger and serious, I came to realize how incapable I am to deal with everyday situations. Since college, I isolated myself and spent more time being at home. I've never been in a relationship and I developed fears in socializing and expressing myself. I am always the silent type, sitting in a corner, silently listening and unable to voice out my own opinions and point of views. I can act like I'm okay and I'm cool. I can laugh with my friends but there is always that heavy feeling within me, telling me that I'm not being sincere. Then there would be times when I find it so hard to even smile and just to listen. They would look at me as someone so weak and weird. My life has always been like this. There are days I would feel that everything is okay. But then the sadness comes back and ruins everything.
kelris kelris
22-25, F
Jan 12, 2013