Long Battle

I have battled mild to moderate depression and by myself since I was 12. I have battled severe anxiety for as long as I can remember. My father was hospitalized for depression 32 years ago and my mom and two of my siblings have been on anxiety medication of and on over the years. I choose not to seek treatment because I don't want to be on a daily medication for the rest of my life. I am one of the lucky ones because I can get out of bed in the morning and go about my day. I have had times of suicidal thoughts and intent but somethings has always brought me back. When I get to my worst I used alcohol to numb the pain but not to the point that it my functioning. My husband is the only one that knows and he doesn't know the full extent of it. I think of this as my problem to deal with and I shouldn't bother anyone else with this. We can't afford counselling but I'm considering it more and more due to other issues in my life. But sometimes I'm afraid that the darkness will take me and I won't be able to come back.
angrytp angrytp
36-40, F
2 Responses Jan 14, 2013

Look into counseling. Some places will lower their rates to help someone who doesn't have the money to pay full price. It helps to talk to someone who understands. Good luck.

Hey there,
I have not been diagnosed for depression medically, but I have gone through it before. Also, I've never had medication but I dislike how drugs affect people. You should try making a health smoothie (green smoothie) to fight your depression and anxiety. It's relatively easy to make and find recipes for this.
Here is one I found with just a quick search: http://greensmoothiereview.blogspot.com/2008/02/depression-anxiety-and-green-smoothie.html
Hope this helps you; many people feel like green smoothies help them. Don't be afraid of the green color! :)