Why Me?

I've always suffered with some sort of melancholy.  The worst time was when I went to college and became very homesick.  I stuck out school and became an alcoholic and got pregnant.  I had an abortion and suffered depression so bad that I ended up being hospitalized.  I was placed on medication and have been on medication for at least twenty years.  I've gone though a painful divorce and wonder if it was my fault because of my depression.  I have two lovely children and pray that they will not suffer as I have.  I have also remarried and my husband is a gem.........a true gem.  I have just returned back to my job as a high school teacher in the inner city.  I am very depressed  and am looking forward to hearing from others.  I try to keep very busy and postponed my working on a doctorate because I felt too overwhelmed.  I don't know why I have to be super busy to keep from getting depressed.  I am involved with my church but find that dry and boring sometimes.  Maybe I am feeling sorry for myself but I must need to do this because I am crying as I type and those are obvious feelings that are inside of me that need to be expressed.  Again I am looking forward to some feedback.  Thankyou!