Bdd You Always Bring Me DownI have BDD, I've had it since 8th grade. But everyday I swear it just gets worse and worse, where it's come to the point where i just feel so broken inside. It wasnt as bad as it was in 8th grade, but then out of nowhere almost all my friends had boyfriends and still havent, its kinda really embrassing cause I still never had one before, but i asked myself one day "whats wrong with me?" And I walked infront of a mirror and saw the worse thing ever, my reflection. And thats how i believe how my BDD even started. The following summer going into my freshman year of highschool i would have crazy mental breakdowns (which i still get) but my mom was like "enough enough" and took me to a therpist to find out was wrong with me, the therpist grabed out her book of all the disorders and told me I deffinitly had Body Dismorphic Disoder.
I feel like im not good enough for anyone, My face, hair, body, everything just DISGUEST'S me. I mean people always go "oh your so pretty, i wish i looked like you" or "girl your hot" Um no im not. I think people say these thing to make me feel better by being nice but i know their lying. And everytime i try to tell someone how i feel they always go "shut the **** up, your not ugly" or "go away" and even sometimes "just stop talking"
I wonder if they know everytime they say that i die a little inside, No one seems to care anymore. But how do they think i feel, I cry myself to sleep sometimes, I even go to school crying sometimes cause i dont want people to see me!
I have acne, its gross i know. And sometimes when i bored in class I look around and i see everyone with clear flawless skin and then i realize im the only one who doesnt! IT KILLS ME! I'm on medication but its not working good and fast enough. And when in highschool APPERENCE means everything.
No guy will EVER like me, im to ugly for all of them. The only guy friends i have are gay.
I'm always depressed about my apperence, sometimes i just want to die because i feel their no point of living because im just so ugly. Not even sh*t load of makeup on my face helps. I just want to be pretty! I want beautiful blonde hair thats natural so i dont have to keep dying it, i want to be thinner and not weight 113 pounds of pure chub, i want flawless skin and smaller theighs, i want brghter whiter teeth, i want to actaully be able to smile without my gross chin being a problem, I want a smaller nose, i dont want to have naturally straight hair, i just want to be pretty. And people always think im "fishing for complements" but im not, honestly!
BDD you control me and break me inside. BDD you always win.