New To Sharing With People About Bdd

I have been dealing with BDD since I was about 15, I'm now almost 32. Growing up a military kid I moved a lot. So I was always teased cause I was the new kid. Add to that that I've always had my own sense of style and hair so I didn't always look the trendy way, so I was really teased. This is when I started having problems looking in the mirror. I would sit for hours in front of a mirror and try to cover up with makeup or try to cover up what kids were teasing me about. I started to wear hats anytime I wasn't in school to hide away. That quickly turned to covering up my face with a towel so that just my eyes showed when I was doing my hair for school. Eventually I got the movements down and stopped using the mirror altogether. It took many years for me to use a mirror again. I avoided all reflective surfaces as well. There are no highschool pics of me at all. I still have a hard time taking and looking at pics of myself. I usually wear sunglasses in all of them. Friends think it's just my style, but it's me hiding. I don't know how to smile in pics, or what to do with my eyes. I recently had someone laugh at me because of this problem. Its good to finally get this all off my chest, but leaves me feeling a lil open and vulnerable at the same time. Looking forward to making some friends who understand where this all comes from. :)
Nikki0880 Nikki0880
31-35, F
2 Responses May 20, 2012

I completely understand about being in that sort of situation. I try my damnedest to get out of photos and if they by chance get me in one I can't look at it. Unless I have my sunglasses on. They are my security blanket. I think there are photos of me as a teenager I've yet to see. I thought at one time I had gotten over this, but I think I just had better coping skills at the time. Thanks Michael, I don't feel alone anymore.

hi there and thanks for sharing your story, as you have seen from my story i have bdd quite bad at the moment. i to have never been one for photos infact i do anything to get out of them. ive also been avoiding the mirror lately and people to. Saturday just gone though was one of the hardest days ive had, my partners sons wedding, cameras and people everywhere and no way to get out of it, as you can imagine it was so hard and its impossible to enjoy the day completely if at all. Thank god its over, wont even be able to look at the photos for a long time. Youve come to the place where people understand, have felt what you feel and done what you have done, your not alone.<br />
thanks again michael.