Stuck In The House From Bdd

Hi, this is the 1st time I have ever shared my story. My bdd started I believe around the age of 12.I started worrying constantly about my looks. I also started wearing alot of makeup around the same time. My bdd has had ups and downs at times in my life I seemed pretty "normal" working,living on my own getting married having a child. But underneath it was alway this constant worry with the way I look. I have always felt not attractive and at time strange looking. I have always needed constant reinsurance about my looks from family and friends. I have always avoided parties and malls for the most part I don't travel I feel to unattractive to allow myself to. I have always had a fear of crowds at one point in my life I developed what I call FAKE self esteem which surprisingly worked well for awhile. I have noticed any stress in my life tends to make me way worse new situations good or bad and i get worse. Which is why I think I am bad again now a year ago I split up with my boyfriend my husband and i split up 5 years before that anyway I moved in with a new guy now and boom I fell apart. I cant leave the house I don't want to do my hair or makeup I'm a mess. I know that BDD goes through stages so I hoping this one ends soon.
sugarcookie76 sugarcookie76
26-30, F
2 Responses Dec 11, 2012

wow i didnt even realise this existed until i just googled it. i guess i shouldnt get annoyed if someone keeps asking me how they look. even though they always look fantastic, they need that reasurance.. well youre absolutely stunning and pretty.. dont let it take hold of your life. :)

If that's you in your pic, you look stunning. My BDD was triggered around the same age as yours. I was made fun of for being overweight. I lost weight and got to 130 pds. at 5'7" in high school. No matter what, I still thought of myself as fat. Zero confidence. No matter how many people told me I'm beautiful, I NEVER believed it. I also wore a lot of makeup in high school and I was obsessive about trying to look pretty.<br />
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Do you feel like an alien sometimes? Or like a monster? That's how I feel around people, like all eyes are on me because something is wrong or abnormal about my looks. In reality, people don't care that much. They're minding their own business. You're right, stress doesn't help. I wish you could go out and have fun and realize you're gorgeous, but I know it feels impossible. Have you seen a therapist about this?