Dealing With Imperfections...Horribly
I am a caucasion 23 year old female, I wieght 107lbs and am 5'3. I have BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) and I can usually control it. I used to cut my hair all the time whenever I started to feel stressed and imperfect but in the past couple of years I moved onto my face. I filed my teeth on and off with a metal nail file before I got braces because I was called a rabit as a child and those thoughts never do leave. After I got braces, my teeth looked perfect. Lets cut to now, I am 23 yrs old and in the past 3 years I had been dating this guy , my first love, who I am no longer with.
During the time I was with him we had alot of conflicts that escalated, even became physical and I took it out on my body. I started filing my teeth again. I think it's because he always told me that he didn't like my smile he said it was "fake". Then one day he saw this one girl he used to know on facebook with "perfect" teeth and talked alot about how straight, even and white her teeth were. I started up filing mine again. So now I'm with a new guy but I keep filing my teeth. The front four teeth were perfect and just slightly longer than my canines which were perfect too. Even my dentists had told me how perfect my smile was. I have now filed all of my teeth that I just mentioned and I miss my big beautiful smile.
I feel so ugly now. I miss how people used to tell me that my teeth were perfect and how confident I used to feel by just knowing they looked good. I also scrubed my face with a pumice stone and have scarring on my cheeks and forehead. The forehead is not as bad as my cheek area right near my nose. I don't know what to do. I just filed again yesterday and I wish I had more self control most of all I was there was an undo button so I could undo the damage I did to my beautiful face, well at least that's what people used to tell me. Whenever I look into the mirror now I never see myself, I mean I always saw my imperfections before but now I just try to make the damage that I already did to myself go away and it keeps looking worse. I can't stop! I wish it would just go back to the way it was before... I've resorted to trying to pull my teeth down and praying to God. I know that pulling on them isn't supposed to do anything but I'm desperate.