Dealing With Imperfections...Horribly

I am a  caucasion  23 year old female, I wieght 107lbs and am 5'3. I have BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) and I can usually control it. I used to cut my hair all the time whenever I started to feel stressed and imperfect but in the past couple of years I moved onto my face. I filed my teeth on and off with a metal nail file before I got braces because I was called a rabit as a child and those thoughts never do leave.  After I got braces, my teeth looked perfect. Lets cut to now, I am 23 yrs old and in  the past 3 years I had been dating this guy , my first love, who I am no longer with.

During the time I was with him we had alot of conflicts that escalated, even became physical and I took it out on my body. I started filing my teeth again. I think it's because he always told me that he didn't like my smile he said it was "fake". Then one day he saw this one girl he used to know on facebook with "perfect" teeth and talked alot about how straight, even and white her teeth were. I started up filing mine again. So now I'm with a new guy but I keep filing my teeth. The front four teeth were perfect and just slightly longer than my canines which were perfect too. Even my dentists had told me how perfect my smile was. I have now filed all of my teeth that I just mentioned and I miss my big beautiful smile.

I feel so ugly now. I miss how people used to tell me that my teeth were perfect and how confident I used to feel by just knowing they looked good. I also scrubed my face with a pumice stone and have scarring on my cheeks and forehead. The forehead is not as bad as my cheek area right near my nose. I don't know what to do. I just filed again yesterday and I wish I had more self control most of all I was there was an undo button so I could undo the damage I did to my beautiful face, well at least that's what people used to tell me. Whenever I look into the mirror now I never see myself, I mean I always saw my imperfections before but now I just try to make the damage that I already did to myself go away and it keeps looking worse. I can't stop! I wish it would just go back to the way it was before... I've resorted to trying to pull my teeth down and praying to God. I know that pulling on them isn't supposed to do anything but I'm desperate.

singinbeauty singinbeauty
22-25, F
4 Responses Mar 16, 2010

Wow, I am into the emotional reaction to why we do some things and in my experience with this chraka teeth or throat is all about your words spoken out of anger, resentment and negative voice. I have to Turn ego off .... Letting the flow of positive thought to become the guide. Grinding teeth is repressed guilt or worry. Not following through with the gut chakra. Or heart.

I do the same thing; tooth filing. I have been doing it for years, and feel it has drastically altered my appearance, in the sense that my cheeks seem softer and my vertical dimension is lessened. I even noticed it affected my voice! First thing I would suggest is STOP!! Please stop. I didn't and it got so bad that I have huge features now. Maybe you haven't gotten to this point. Also, keep in mind that there are so many dental procedures now you WILL be able to get that big beautiful smile back. First, however, deal with the BDD. Go to therapy, write down your feelings and AVOID MIRRORS. If you can do this you will be on a slow upwards spiral and you will be beautiful again, I promise. I am going through the same thing and believe one day I will feel pretty again, and will have learned through that process, that my obsession with my looks has very little to do with how I actually look.

ive had bdd almost as long as youve been alive and wasted that entire time,not a thing,qualification,job ,relationship nor friend to show for it.At your age and with what seems like a moderate form of BDD ,youd do well with Cognitive behavioral therapy with an accredited pychologist and maybe some medication but first you need a psychiatrist diagnosis.Get that now your best and you wont waste the rest of your life if you even live that long,suicide rates are very high in an attempt to escape the mental torture it brings.If that frightens you then good,you might just be motivated to do something about it.

i have bdd to. be strong and love yorself not your body yorself the real you your soul