The Story Of My Abuse

I was abused by a step-father from the age of seven to eleven. I was told everyday that if I told anyone that I would be killed. For five years I dealt with the physical abuse, mental torture and abuse. He would beat me and laugh at me. He found out I was afraid of mice and he tortured me by making me hold a mouse in a jar for an hour while it jumped up and bit my hand. He laughed at me while this happened. On a daily basis he would stick his finger in his anus and rub it across my top lip and tell me that I would never be more than the sh*t on my face. I lost most of my memory during this five years. I can only remember the worst times and some good times. I have been to therapy several times, but just found a good therapist three years ago that helped me find my voice again. For the first time in twenty-four years, I was able to tell my Mom and Husband the details of what happened to me. I sat waiting for him to come and kill me. When he didn't, I started to tell more people. I also told them about the sexual abuse as a child by a family member, sexual abuse as a teen by many people in my life. I now have PTSD and OCD due to the abuse. I recently decided that I could use my voice to try and help other people. If I could help one person not feel alone, or find a way out of abuse, then it was worth it. I am now the author of two books on amazon. My first book "Call Me Crazy, But This Is My Life!", is the story of my abuse and how I survived it through humor. The second book, "Bound By Torment", is the story of living with PTSD and OCD after the abuse. How the bruises fade by the torment remains. I am on a mission to do all I can and to continue finding my voice and releasing my inner child.
Brokenlikeaturtleshell Brokenlikeaturtleshell
36-40, F
2 Responses Sep 8, 2012

You should get that bully put behind bars

I am sorry you went through that. What that man did to you is horrible. I was also abused by many family members, sexually, emotionally and physically. I also remember many bad moments and some good moments... I was thinking it might be because I think of the bad moments more because they make me angry and I can't let go. So they revolve in my head daily... Every day I think of the abuse. Every day... It is great that you made something positive out of it and wrote two books!