My Heart Was Just Crushed

For about the past year and a half, I cared for my wife at home, as cancer grew throughout her body. Early in the morning on April 4, 2011, she was "air-lifted" to a hospital about 50 miles away. As I watched the helicopter slowly rise from the field just east of my house, I knew that my time with her had now come to an end. For the next three nights I sat next to her hospital bed trying to comfort her as best as I possibly could.

On April 7, 2011  my heart was crushed, as her spirit departed her earthly shell.

We are both born again believers in Messiah Yahshua (Jesus), and I am positive that she is in a beautiful place now, with no more of the horrific suffering that she had been enduring previously. However, I miss her desperately, and (although everyone continuously assures me that "I
must continue," and "things will get better," and blah, blah, blah . . . ) they don't understand that I feel like I have nothing left that matters to me.

I know that everyone means well, but life as I have known it for the past thirty years is now over, and I am lost. This is (BY FAR), the very darkest hours of my life, and I am a defeated man. I feel that the remainder of my life will be spent in desperate longing, and wishful loneliness.

My apology if this is too depressing; but what do you expect from a person who cries, every time he opens his eyes?

God help me, please.
longing1 longing1
3 Responses Apr 10, 2011

Yes I know what you mean. My wife and I are born again believers. She passed into The Presence of The Lord from our home with me at her side after a 2+ year battle with pancreatic cancer.

Like you I know that her body I had to commit to the ground is just a shell. I know that she is with The Lord Jesus Christ, but the pain of losing her defies description.

We had a beautiful almost 40 year marriage service The Lord together. I miss her and cry everyday.

Yesterday I went through her clothes and held her favorite ones close to me and cried. I looked at pictures of her with them on.

It is alright to cry. We know that they are safe in the arms of Jesus. We are crying that we can no longer hold them and tell them how much we love them.

There is no time limit on grief. Each person experiences it differently. The God of all comfort be with you as you go through grief's journey.

I am so sorry you lost your wife. I lost my wife to cancer Nov 27 2008 and it was the worst thing I have ever gone thru in my entire life. I also believe in Jesus but nothing helped. I felt so alone, afraid,loss and devastated and did not want to go on. I only wanted to be with her, There were times I didn't think I could take the pain anymore, even memories hurt. I cried all the time and felt like doing nothing.Its been 28 months now and I still miss her. I really didn't think things would get better but they did. It will take time and you have to go thru it but you will laugh again and enjoy doing things again even if you dont think so how. Hang in there Jesus is with you and I am pulling for you.

I am so sorry. You remind me of my Dad. My mom died quite young and unexpectedly He only lived a few weeks longer than her. He was so lost without her he just lost his will to live. If you have children this is the time you lean on them. Please take care.