My Best Friend?

I lost my wife 12/30/12 after a 7 year battle to cancer. I have 2 children, both 12 years old, twins, a boy and a girl. I am lost, not knowing how much my wife, their mother did for them. I miss her, not only for what she meant to me, but all that she did as a stay at home mother. I don't think I'll ever be able to date, especially after 22 years with my wife. How do you get past this loss?
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 15, 2013

My wife passed away almost one year ago. She had battled cancer for 9 years. The last two were very difficult with eleven surgeries, months of chemo and months of radiation. Over the last year I have found a few things to be true. First, most people don't know how to grieve with a man. Women are great at comforting their friends, but men aren't very good at being there when you need someone. I suggest you find a friend who will sit with you when you need to talk about her. He just needs to be willing to listen and talk about what a joy she was. Second, I have learned to find happiness in the time I spend with my children, but still lack the joy I had with her. I can't tell you that you will ever get past the loss. You will eventually find a way to get out of the fog that surrounds you at this time. That is a start. Don't fear losing the fog, it doesn't mean you are forgetting her. I didn't find a lot of support in the "grief books" that everyone gave me, but there are some good things in them. Don't be afraid to read about grief. I would suggest one book. C.S. Lewis lost his wife to cancer. He was a brilliant writer, but after her death, he kept a journal that his kids published years later. He was able to put voice to things that I couldn't figure out how to express, like how grief is so much like fear, or about the laziness of grief. The book is called "A Grief Observed". Finally, I would suggest keeping photos handy (on your phone, or computer or tablet). No photo will ever fully capture your wife's energy, but having ten of your favorite photos ready at any time is helpful. May God be with you and your children.