I Was Betrayed Again

     I wrote about my abuse before. Now I need to write again.

     One of the things that happened with my abuse was, the ones who were doing it took pictures of it. I looked for the pictures for years after, so I could maybe get some justice. But I never found them, and I figured they'd either been destroyed or put in someone's private collection.

     My father died in August last year (he was one of my abusers). We have been sorting through all his stuff. For whatever reason, I inherited his camera; and when I opened the case, I found the pictures inside. HE had them all these years and I never knew it.

     This was a real kick in the a** because I thought that was the one part he didn't participate in. I guess I was wrong. I'm just numb right now and I don't know how to absorb this. My memories didn't include him using the camera, but now I know different. I am feeling sad and angry.

     My husband wouldn't let me keep the pictures because they were so ugly. He took them outside and burned them. I know he was right to do that; but I still feel upset anyway. I feel like my father kicked me in the a** yet again; and this time I can't do anything because he's dead.

     I know I won't feel like this forever. I am just hurting right now.

SharonB SharonB
41-45
2 Responses Mar 9, 2009

Yes; I've actually been seeing someone for a while. This was just something I was not expecting.

I am so sorry to hear that all of this has happened to you. You have every right to feel hurt and upset over what has happened. Have you ever seen a counselor about this?