Living Fake Then Living Lonely

A few years ago I was best friends with the "popular girls." They only talked about boys, boobs, makeup, clothes, hair, typical things that never interested me. I wanted to have silly conversations and intelligent encounters, not chit chat and gossip. And these girls were just horrible; they made fun of anyone and everyone and would say horrible thing to their faces. They picked fights and were always in the middle of something big.

Being the latest, and weirdest, addition to their group, they often poked fun at me and said mean things about me behind my back. We would only ever hangout at my house. Most of the time I felt used and neglected. When they chose me as their target, it would always lead to me being torn down and crying. They told me to leave all my other friends because they weren't cool. And gullible me wanted to be cool and they seemed so fun. But I was never truly happy. They made me feel like **** and they used it to their advantage.

After a few years of beating me into submission I became just like them. I had made a deal with the devil and it bit me in the ***. Only months after realizing I was just as shallow as them, the "queen bee" as they say, decided I needed to be replaced. She started this by telling me all the things people had said behind my back; that I was ugly, stupid, dressed horribly, that they purposefully left me out of things because I embarrassed them. I was so emotional that I confronted them, and then the original girl said she never told me that and I was lying. They all stopped returning my calls, talking to me in the halls, and texting me back. I had no idea that they dumped me until I heard the rumors that they couldn't be my friend anymore because I was so weird and I scared them.

No one at school would talk to me. For months I had no one to talk to and I was alone with myself. This on top of other things caused me to slip into a depression where I would do nothing and just cry. My parents blamed it on growing up and refused to acknowledge me. For months this depression consumed me. I started skipping school and failing classes. I lost over 20 pounds because I couldn't eat.

Finally I met the nicest person and she took me under her wing. She listened to me and I trusted her with everything. She pulled me out of a hole that I dug myself in. I was able to make REAL friends and began to like the person I was so much better.

Some days these feelings of loneliness still creep up on me and I'll just have a really hard couple of days, but I have surrounded myself with people who are supportive and help me get through my problems.

So if your situation is similar, there is always hope. Good people are out there but sometimes you have to fall hard to find them.
ashleymarie21 ashleymarie21
18-21, F
May 14, 2012