The Best Of Times The Worst Of Times

I have been betrayed by friends, I have also betrayed friends. I don't know which is more painful to be honest, if anything they are equally full of despair.
These experiences reminded me of my homeless days when I had feelings of being an outcast, inadequate and had continuous feelings of self-loathing. These were the times that my actions spoke so loud that it was deafening. These were the days that I felt rage and at the same time sorrow. I remember the thoughts that would run through my mind. I was so upset I could not sleep for days. Just as I remember sleeping in a refrigerator box with plastic over it to keep me out of the wind and cold, but my mind would be running and I was always sleeping with one eye open. The streets were never friendly, they were hostile to a greater or lesser degree. I would occasionally find warmth and yet I still would think about the betrayals; both mine and my friends were God's way of teaching me a lesson and I had to figure out what the lesson was and then God would lead me to a better place. I have not had a terrible life, in fact it has been decent, relative to other people's lives. I have always tried to take away lessons from these dark moments in time. I have done a pretty good job I believe. I have tried to make reparations whenever I found an opportunity. No matter what I do, the best I can hope for is that in some small way I can forgive myself for the betrayals and forgive those who have betrayed me. One thing I do know, I understand the lesson that God wanted me to know. That everything happens for some reason, whether it is human or divine nothing happens without a reason.
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26-30
2 Responses May 23, 2012

You are wise. True everything happen for a reason and there are not such thing as an accident in life. I have walk your path too early in life. I am sure that it had to happened that way too only thing I have control over is myself ( everything I do, said and feel).

You are worthy and divine! xoxox