What I Miss

What I miss the most is the feeling of security. Its been over a year since my life has changed. I am living with no trust , I now trust no one. I find this very sad. I find myself paranoid with the what if's, what if you leave, what if you don't love me. The unknown, Who am I competing against anyway? Now its like why do I even care at all, I can't make you want me, so why try at all. But the biggest thing i miss is wearing my wedding ring, and i don't know if i will ever wear it again.
vmt1 vmt1
41-45, M
1 Response Sep 21, 2012

So sad. I'm sorry. It doesn't get better (at least not yet), 5 years, and some days it's like the first time I found out. Same pain, same nausea, same panic. Everything you said, I felt also. Maybe it's getting better for me, I guess I shouldn't be so negative. Remember, just day after day, get up and attack the day. Talking helps, feel free to message if you want.

Thank you, 17 months and I feel myself changing, getting bitter just not the same person I once was

Everyone is different. I really don't know how I made it through some days. Music helped me a lot. Do you love her? Did she say she was sorry? That was big for me. Does she want it to work? Trust will be almost impossible to get back. She can't have any privacy. Don't let her have emails or texts you can't see.

Yes I do love her. She has not said sorry, but she never has admitted to ever being wrong about anything. Her best attempt was, I am sorry you feel bad. She never said sorry about anything she did or show any regret. As for, want it to work, she just wants me to, just forget about it, to get over it. She doesn't want to talk about it. As for trust, I have none. She still keeps her phone at a arms reach, I feel myself not caring at all anymore. I have got to the point, if you want to leave there is the door, have a nice life. The kids and me will do just fine without you. She gets pissed and thinks I don't care about her or love her any more. I don't know what it is. But I have changed.

I'm sorry. She has to want to change. I don't know what happened, did you do something to make her think it was ok? Was this an old boyfriend, or someone new. If it was someone new, he had to know what to say to get her to do this. I don't know how you can make her talk. Tell her it's killing you and you don't seem to care about how I feel. If she told you, would that help you get over or easier to give up? I know that not knowing is 1000% worse than knowing. try to explain this to her. That talking is the only way. To the next step, either moving on or giving up.

I was blindsided, I was and still 100 percent faithful. It was a old boyfriend, from before we met. I am not wanting details of what they did. More why she felt the need to do it. What was missing from are marriage? How do we keep it from happening again? And is it worth saving at all? I don't think she will ever understand my pain. But we are stuck in a rut, I am in a rut I cant move forward I am stuck 17 mo ago alone and hurt, and she won't come back to help me out.

I really feel your pain. It sounds like you love her. Will she go get councelling? Man, I let my wife do it for five years? Sometimes I would forget, but then I would see a phone bill, or find an old letter. I don't want to really tell you to call it quits, I don't know you. But god damn, it's an old friend and it'll probably happen again. They have a history, and he'll use that every time. I know you're hurting, I'm hurting for you. I wish I had listened to my friend 5 years ago, that's all I can say. I hurt my kids and myself by staying. I wanted to die, to really kill my self. I even dug a hole in a local national forest. I was gonna go kill the other guy. I was on his doorstep one night and just couldn't. Which made me feel like a bigger coward. You have to live with your decision, think carefully.

thank you for your honesty and letting me vent. I got to do some soul searching, and figure out what I can live with..

Peace to you. Write again, or message. Anytime.

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