It Feels Like It's My Only Identity Right Now.

I was betrayed by my best friend any my husband when they had an affair together. I believe I can forgive him, but he has been on the fence about who to be with. He says he has decided to give our marriage a shot, but I can't help feel I'm being stupid.

We have been married for almost 6 years. The last couple of years, we had grown apart. My best friend told him that she is in love with both of us. I had severe misgivings but he was so sure we should do it. We started a relationship with her, to be taken slow at my request.

She said she loved me. She said she was in love with me. Turns out, they were falling in love behind my back. They had an emotional and physical affair.

I just want them to take accountability. I want them to see what they've done. I want my life back. I want a chance to make it better. But I want the hurt to go away. I want to trust again.

And I want to be more than just the poor wife who was f'ed over by the two people she trusted the most...

Surujen Surujen
31-35, F
2 Responses Feb 26, 2009

I am so sorry for you this stage of your relationship, the expectations you thought were defined was not delivered by you husband and best friend. I know you want to get to a better place and the only way that this can occur in my humble opinion is to walk away from them both. They have no integrity or boundaries in the original loving agreement that was established. A leopard can't change the color of their spots......good luck, reach out at anytime.

Ask yourself this question - if keeping him / them in your life, will it let you time and space to heal, to you be truly happy again? Can you?<br />
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Everyone says there are fish out there for us all but that's not important right now. <br />
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They will need to take the consequence of their actions themselves, while you need to be responsible for your own - your own life, your own happiness, your own future (whether it is with / without them). <br />
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Walk away, with your dignity and interigty in tack. That's all you can really do I am afraid. unless you prefer to stick around and let the wound keep bleedy endlessly. I couldn't and didn't. It hurts, hurts so much to have to cut them both out of your life, but what good will it do to keep them around to stop you going forward in life?