Is There Any Justice In This World?
Well here goes my story,
I married my husband 5 years ago. We met a year befor that and we were working in the same office. My family was aganist this match, but I anyway went ahead with the wedding. Due to this my relations with my family are somewhat strained. Also my husband was never able to fit well with my parents and always after visiting my parents he would make negative remarks etc about them. Inspite of all this, I was happy with him. We did many things together, shared a lot of interests and had a lot of fun together.
We had a few issues though. I am a chronic asthma patient and get attacks very often, like once in a month may be that lasts for about a week or so. Due to my sickness, we did not have a good sex life. Initially in the marriage, I was very concerned about this. But my husband said that except this area, our marriage is doing fine and we should not worry too much about it. He also knwe about my sickness when we were dating and it was not a complete surprise for him. So after a couple of years, I stopped worrying and trying and life went on. Since my husband did not show much interest in sex, I thought he had a low sex drive and since I also have a low drive I thought things would be OK for us.
Also my husband has huge anger issue and has got into trouble in his office also over this. His promotion was delayed by 6 months due to his attitude issue's in his office. Due to this, many of my friends also started distancing themselves from me (I am an introvert and had very less friends to begin with) and I started moving around with only his few friends. (he also is an introvert and has very few friends)
Just 6 months ago, my husband came to me and said that he wants to move out of our house and live seperately. He said that he is going through a mid life crisis and wants to figure out certain things for himself. Even after repeated begging and pleading from me, he was not ready to change his mind. During this time he became very rude to me. Before this, he was never rude or treated me badly. He started telling me he wants to figure out if he is gay or something and what is life all about etc etc.
For a abt 2 months I did not have any clue and lived in hell with him coming home late, leaving early in the morning. Not talking to me once he comes home. Sleeping in the seperate bedroom. Always pointing out some fault or other in me. Telling me that he is very busy in office and that I should not call him there and distrube him. He is working hard for both of us etc. During this time he was also refusing to let me touch his cell phone. Basically he was treating me like a doormat and coming home for just food and bed and acting like I was a burden on him.
Then one day, I logged into his gmail account, whose password I knew and saw that he has created a new blog. I got the most crushing blow in my life. He has started a relationship (both emotionally and physical) with a married collegue in his office and blogged almost everyday about their days. I learnt that their relationship started almost 2 months before he came to me with the mid life crisis crap. There have been many many days where he has not gone to office and gone to resorts and hotels with her. His blog is very vocal about how much he loves her and need her.....about their making love .....he has even written poems for her abt his undying love.....he has shared our favourite songs with her and is using the same songs he used to woo me on her now....
After this I confornted him abt her and asked him to move out of our house. To which he did saying that I did not love him enough and that he wants to end this marriage. But he deny's the adultery. He says that they are just friends and I am losing my mind. I also met her and she also denyed it on my face and said that I am crazy. I have not told him that I have read the blog and I am saving that for using when I file for divorce. He wants divorce on mutual grounds of incompatability, while I want it on adultery. Also the house is in his name even though I make the monthly payments for it.
To this day he has not accepted that he has done any wrong and keeps saying that it is my fault that our marriage has broken.
For the past 4 months, I am trying to get my self esteem back and the tears to stop but I still feel terrible most of the days. I also do not have any friends to turn to and my family are like "we told you he was not the right person for you. so just forget him". But I am unable to do it. The first thought I get everyday moring when I get up(if I am able to sleep at all) is about him. Sometimes it is even about him and her.
He on the other hand is having a very good time with her. I came to know through his blog that she is also hiding this from her husband and spending nights with him often. He recently changed the password to his account and I no longer know how their affair is going. This is a good thing I feel but sometimes, I am over powered by the feeling that I want to know, even if reading all that just hurts me more.
I keep thinking, if there is any justice in this world? 2 people who are causing so much pain, betrayal and misery to their loved ones are having a good time while I am not even able to feel sane.