Feeling Hurt and Stupid

About a year ago i was in a jam. My daughters dad wanted to prove he had changed! At this same time a man i just met wanted to prove he could treat me better. It was hard but i ended up getting with the new guy. I thought i should give him a chance because he had never broke my heart. Well things were great for a couple months, then he got locked up. It wasn't any thing big and i stayed by his side, writing him every day.He got out 2 1/2 months later and we picked up right where we left off. We were happily in love and became engaged. Then we talked about having a baby, he didn't think he could have children. I got pregnant and everything was going prefect for the first few months. Then he started leaving all the time  and never answering his cell. We were a little on the rocked becasue i found out he was flirting with my step brothers girl. I heard it for my self! It wasnt to bad and he swore he wasnt cheating it was flirting and that was it. My heart was broken (after all i had done for him) but i would try to get over it. % months preg i wasnt eating, i wasnt sleeping, and i was throwing up.I was having a hard time getting his words to her out of my head. He stayed by my side and told me he was sorry! I start to feel better and he starts to leave again, so i say im going to leave him.Then i find out why he was staying gone and it wasnt because he was cheating. So i stay with him! The next day he gets arrested, calls and says sorry he loves me and our baby and my daughter and he isnt good enough for me. I say no im in this for the long hall and "i will stay by your side." I went to see him and he seemed so sad so hurt and so sure i was to good for him. Again i say no "i love you." Then i get a visit from my mother a few days later. I find out he has been cheating on me for months, with my brothers girl. He has been lying to my face.He has been sleeping with her and making love to me. I am heart broken.I am 5 months preg and i didnt even want any more kids. I did it for him. I did so much for him only to be cheated,used,and bruised! You know what the sad thing is, she is nasty. She does drugs, is dirty, dresses like a **** even in the snow,cheats on every man she is with,doesnt take care of her kids,and she has no brain at all. I have always been a clean, decent person and now im going to be retested for everything because of her. I have to feel the embarrassment of telling my doctor what has happened.When i look in the mirror i feel disgusted with my self becasue he has been with her and me. O and i find out she is writing him trying to marry him, but she isnt loyal to any one she is with. She will just cheat on him, and i know he deserves that but i love him to much to see it  happen......I am now lost and feel really used!

littlemamaa littlemamaa
22-25, F
1 Response Feb 8, 2009

=[ Oh Jesus. <br />
Well, I wouldn't make it about her. It takes two to tango, right? It's his fault. I think getting tested is smart, especially when you have a baby on the way. I hope stuff has gotten better since you wrote this. You can always message me if you need to talk.