My Wife and My Ex

I have been married now for almost 12 years. My wife had an affair with my "best friend" of over 20 years. The affair lasted just over two months until I found out on Oct 24, 2007 (I call it D-Day). I had suspected something for the entire time, but couldn't prove it and they both denied it. It wasn't until I pulled her cell phone records and caught him in the lie. He said he "Didn't even know she had a cell phone" and then he "doesn't know her cell phone number". I said "Really? That's funny, your cell phone knows it, it's called her cell phone 10 times and she's called yours 6 times." He knew he was busted and asked me how much I wanted to know. I said All of it. Well, he only told me about half of what I wanted to know. But then my wife finally admitted to it and filled me in on some of the rest. Through my own PI work, I now know what dates, what hotel rooms, how much he paid for the rooms, every call that was made between them, pretty much all of it. We are now "working out our marriage". HE is out of our lives. He's known me a LONG time, he's seen what I was like once before when I was betrayed by a former wife, and he KNOWS that if he comes anywhere near again that I won't hesitate to arrange for him to meet his maker. Do I still sound bitter? Well it's only been a few months since D-Day, so forgive me. This has been the absolute worst experience of my life, no question. I just felt so empty inside, like my insides had been ripped out and discarded. What a hollow life this is lately. I'd like to cut his f'in **** off!
Anyway, *shakes head to try to come back to reality*, Sorry for the rant. But sometimes I just want revenge on him so bad I can taste it. But I've promised him, my wife, and God that I wouldn't so long as my wife and I are recovering our marriage and as long as he stays away from my family. I sometimes feel like less of a man for NOT taking vengeance out. But I am taking the high road and, for now, as long as these conditions are met, keeping my peace.
So here I am, the newest member of this fine club of good people who no one wants to be a part of.
~Mark (MrStrype)

UPDATE: It's now April 2015 and I no longer harbor any ill will towards my former friend. My wife and I have a very good marriage now and we have just celebrated out 19th anniversary. In a way, what happened has actually brought us closer to each other and to God. Our marriage is absolutely better now than it has ever been. I do not say this to throw it into anyone's face who may be going through hard times with their marriage, but to encourage you that it can get better, MUCH better, if you are both willing to work on it and can forgive. Forgetting is another story, I'm not sure that can be done, and trust is something that does take plenty of time to restore, but forgiveness is a choice you can make right now. Good luck to all of you who may be going through this. Pray about it please. It wasn't until I asked help from God and told him that whatever His decision is, His will be done, and that I would accept that as being what is best for me, and meant it, that He healed my marriage and our hearts. All glory be to God. Love you to all.
MrStrype MrStrype
51-55, M
3 Responses Jan 17, 2008

My wife did it to me and she sleept with her ex. Im still with her because with have 2 small kids. We are working on our marriage. Its hard I know. She said she felt unloved that's why she did it

I too am sorry that that this happened to you. <br />
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However getting even will not help. You have started, IMHO, the best course ... working it out with your wife.<br />
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Best of luck and your in my prayers.

I am so sorry about what happened to you, The same thing kind of happened to me too, but I actually postedmy story in I hate liars. My husband cheated on me with my best friend of 17 years, SUPPOSEDLY only once, I know different now, but he actually got her pregnant, so I just celebrated my stepsons 3rd birthday last October. I can't get away from her she lives next door to me.<br />
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I love my husband too and we are trying to work things out, but the pain is a lot to bare. Every day I have to look at my stepson because I babysit him and know what she and my husband did, I wish I could run away from it but I can't. My family is very non-supportive of me and my decision, they will never consider the little guy part of the family, and it is like I told my family....well I guess it is a good thing that I won't mistreat a child because of who his parents are. I am now not talking to most of my family.<br />
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I congratulate you for taking the high road, and I hope that things can be worked out between you and your wife. Best wishes to you.