I Trusted Him and He Doesn't Understand Why.

I am 24 years old. I had been dating the same man seriously since I was 19. It doesn't seem like long to some, but in the grand scheme of life, that's 1/5 of my years. He was always there for me. I noticed this, that he was so sweet and not the abusive type jerk that I had met before about 6 mo. after we began dating. He was there when a serious medical condition I had affected me, when my friends died, my family, uncles, and grandfather. He was there when I simply needed a ride home from work. And I ALWAYS did my best to be there for him the best I could: when he got lonely at school, when he felt pressure looking for a job, when his best friend was putting him through hell. I lent my ear and I took care of the person who was so kind to me.

Well, in the past 18 months we both graduated from college and he convinced me that we should move in together. And with my grandmother's blessing, we moved into MY place. I treated it as much of ours as I could. I made him pay rent only when he could afford, but considering it was so cheap, it didn't seem important.

He did his fair share otherwise, cleaning and cooking, and fixed little things up, it began to look like a home. Only once did he accuse me of acting to much "like the man of the family." I quickly pointed out to him that he acted much like a "Suzy-Homemaker" and that ended that.
About 8 months ago his best friend and his girl broke up their long term relationship, and I ran to her aide without really knowing her simply because she didn't have many friends. I've know people who have gone through that stuff before, it shouldn't be alone. We quickly became good friends, we both liked adventure, history, but we approached life from opposite angles, so we were like yin and yang. We always had fun, because we always had more than one plan to do in one day.
Two months later on New Year's 2007 I was asked to marry him. I said yes. Many well wishes followed, and about a month later a day was set to allow us to save money with our families, and plan. This was no shotgun wedding either, we set the day another 1 1/2 years away as we knew even our large families would have trouble assisting us in funding!
My new friend and I still continued to have fun, she said she was the happiest for us, and even helped me make a few of the plans.
My guy however, gave us less and less time to ourselves, more girls nights became us and him nights and when I mentioned this to him he said I was paranoid and he just wanted to have some fun. Then I noticed I was battling him for her attention. I knew that they exchanged emails, it was with my permission, I figured she needed another friend to talk to. I couldn't have been more blind.

My guy and I had two major fights in those six months after the proposal: 1 around the time I first caught him looking at her. He wouldn't give me answer or an explanation of any kind, so I locked him outside the house without keys and told him to figure out how he felt. As I reached for the door his hand went through it though. I felt it was my fault and let him back in. The 2nd was about 2 months ago: she and I had finally planned another girls weekend. He decided to cancel his plans last minute and intrude. He got drunk with her in front of me and began talking about our personal sex life. I should have kicked them both out, but I didn't want to get them killed.

Two weeks ago when my family was visiting he refused to talk to me. It was only a week after my birthday. He had just thrown me an amazing party with all of my family, and was able to arrange major wedding discounts at friend owned establishments for us. I was on cloud nine. I knew something was wrong. I began to shake. I wanted to slap him to make him talk because he kept walking away and making an even bigger scene in front of these kids! He began to cry and said, "I don't think I can stay. I'm tired of all the little things, sick of the fighting, and I love another person." HER! I knew it. But he wanted more! He wanted to spend the night too! He wanted to come back and stay with my family the next day!! I had already given enough! A wave of peace washed over me till he asked for more!
He couldn't get it through his brain that I should be the one crying, that he was the one that had lied!
Then to top it off, after trying to find numerous amounts of family and friends to talk to I finally tried to call her, as I still gave her the benefit of the doubt, she was dating someone else. I called for 4 hours! She finally got back to me while she was in his car on the way to pick up his wallet.

It hurts, I was lied to and used. They have only talked to me once in the past 2 weeks since and deny cheating. But I still can't help but wonder: Did every time he touch me, was he think of her? And her, every time she encouraged me to look at a wedding registry and brought me a magazine (thank GOD! I never read), was she really just planning her wedding? And he also told me he never wanted to "Hurt me" and she was only "trying to make me happy." Did it ever occur to them that true friendship and trust, what all relationship are founded on before all those other things, dictated that they were honest with me before it came to this.
I don't care if it wasn't physical, they used me emotionally to get to their ends. They've even started dating (maybe they'll screw each other over, too). But I knew that he needed someone to talk to, and he refused to talk to me when I trusted him; he went to her, "grass is greener girl" and she told him whatever he wanted to hear about life, me, the wedding, love and that hurts, that is cheating. It's a one sided fight.
I trusted him, why did I do that if he couldn't have trusted me?
Kixx Kixx
22-25, F
Aug 9, 2007