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She's My Friend, Is What He Told Me...

At this point in my life, I'm not sure if he is to blame, or if I can only blame myself.  I've been with this man for 24 years...he hasn't married me!  We have 3 children together, and all the other components typically found in a marriage, except for the actual license and now I find out, committment.  But our life is good.  We have most of the things we need, and some of those we simply want.  We compliment each other perfectly with out household duties and parenting.  WE've been together for 24 years...we are friends, we enjoy one anothers company.  We like to travel places together, cook together, play cards, and have many other things in common.  This man, I thought was my best friend, my everything!  I loved him more than I can describe, and completely trusted him, and never dreamed that this would happen. 

In 2008, my significant other left to take our 3 sons out to the roller rink for a father-son day.  Later in the evening my middle son called me from his grandmother's house and told me that their dad had dropped them off and not returned.  I went to pick them up.  I did not see or hear from their dad for the next 8 days.  His absense was somewhat new, considering the length, but not new, because he frequently stayed out all night, and sometimes the entire weekend.  The only difference is that I usually knew where he was at, which was a newphew's house or a close male friend.  This time, I had no clue, and neither did his family.  Finally I tracked down one of his brothers, who located him, them told me not to worry that he was okay, but just out "messing up".  Anyhow, on the 9th day he contacted me via phone, and sounded really strange...I immediately knew that he had been with a woman.  He then started fishing for a reason to support his absence, and the reasons were all about our relationship and how he was so unfufilled and unhappy.  This was news to me....we had not argued recently, had a fantastic sex life, were in sync with every avenue of our life for the most part, things were good, so I thought.  Anyhow...he came home that evening.  Acted really weirdly, and when I asked him if there was another, he denied it.  However, much later that night, he left again...then sometime around 2am, I got hang-up calls, and a crank call from a woman who asked me if I wanted to hear him snore, because she had "laid it on him and knocked him out".  Sure enough....there was someone snoring in the background.  Having access to some pretty dynamic research tools, I quickly discovered where the call came from, and around 6am, I drove to the address, and there was his truck!  I sat there for 2 hours, contemplating my next move.  Then right before 8am, when I finally decided to go up to the door, he walked out of the government subsidized project apartment, carrying the trash.  The look on his face was one of shock, and defeat.  I instantly started crying....but had to know who was in that house.  I proceeded to the door, although he went to his truck.  I knocked and was instantly greeted with 3 or 4 female voices who yelled profanities out of the door and window.  They would not open up.  However, I knew the name of the person who rented the place.  He continued to go over to this woman's house for the next couple of years on and off, and sometimes didn't try to hide that he was there.  He did however, continue to deny any relationship, wouldn't even admit to a sexual relationship.  A few months after this happened he moved out of our house.  He got an apartment, and would not tell me where it was.  Of course I found out, but did not go out to his place for quite sometime.  The he suddenly started playing a game with me...he would say just enough about us getting back together to keep me hooked, and to keep me supporting him whenever he needed me and for whatever he needed me for.  Then something prompted me to go to his place....the first time I did, I noticed a strange var parked in his driveway.  Waited...and sure enough a woman (different than the project ho) emerged form the apartment.  I confronted her, learned nothing.  Confronted him...he lied and said a male friend of his was staying the night, and the woman was his.  A few weeks later...I went out to his place again, found the same car parked there....the male friend was out of town, this I knew for sure, because I had given him a ride.  Then he admits that she was his friend...but only a friend...nothing else.  Yeah right!  So this went on for a while, then all of a sudden he loses his financial stability...moves back home.  He continues this relationship....I found out where this woman lives....sure enough he goes over there everytime he thinks I am at work, or otherwise unavailable.  Then I suppose it gets so good to him, that he starts going over to her apartment and staying the night...on nights that he knows full well, I will come looking or will know.  He tells me that I can not tell him what to do....she's his friend and that's the way its going to be.  I go to her house one morning, after he promises me that its over, and that I'm the one, we should marry and live happily ever after , la-di-da....la-di-da!  I knock on the door...she greets me with a revolver.  He is no where to be found in the front room....  the cops are then involved, she gets off the hooks somehow.  He comes home....I read his text messages from this woman, which are all very sexual...he tries to wrestle the phone from me, I go completely off.  Pimp slaps the skin off his face....cuts him, bites him, you name it....I go to jail!  I'm like what the hell?

Now...he continues to see her, I have a jail record a protective order to stay away from the woman...but he still wants to depend on me for financia and emotional support. 

I am hurt beyond words.  I feel so betrayed.  I'm like, you were so supposed to be my protector.  Yet, you let some trick from the streets threaten my life, and still you continue to befriend and bed her?  We can be no more!  I seriously thought about hurting this man, but then thought what then?  I have three sons, that are so much more important than he is.  Now, I can not even stand to look at him, without all of the hurt coming back.  I think if the word hate could be defined, I am fast approaching a perfect definition.

chaka1608 chaka1608 36-40 1 Response May 16, 2010

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I definetly think you should knock him completely out of your life. Seriously what a user of a man he is. Move away, start a new hobby, invest into your children and become a better woman from this without considering him. The fact you can move on (no matter how long or hard it takes) will only disturb his spirit in the end-if he still has one, which frankely i doubt.