Getting Cheated On Hurts

I was married for 5 years and I never cheated on my ex wife and I had offers and I just said sorry i am married. The first time she was caught cheating i forgive her and told her if she ever cheated again I would divorce her. She got caught the second time & I divorced her. Getting cheated on kind of branded me I allways wonder what I could have done different or how was I not good enough. If she loved me like I loved her no one could have replaced me.
1woody 1woody
41-45, M
24 Responses Jan 12, 2012

I am Elizabeth from Texas i want to share a testimony of my life to everyone. i was married to my husband Marc Andrew jr, i love him so much we have been married for 5 years now with two kids. when he went for a vacation to France he met a lady called Michelle, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seek help, i didn't know what to do until I met my friend Nina and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called Prophet Alamin who did wonders on her ex and brought him back to her after 3days. Nina ask me to contact Prophet Alamin, so i contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by two days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After two days my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great prophet did for me and my husband, you can contact Prophet Alamin on any problem. He is a very nice man, here is his contact detail He is the best prophet as far as i am concerned

Please watch this video, I was surprised the way he described the girls we meet!!<br />
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It's real anyway!

I will just leave him/her .. I am done.

What is the reason to cheat on someone you claim you love? Cheated once .. will always cheat..

Sex is NOT physical, sex has some sort of emotions and attraction involved, it doesn't happen "suddenly" and nothing happens suddenly that we can use the usual expression " it just happened" to justify and escape such big and cheap mistake, so, does she like them and you? what they have you don't have?

Cheating hurts very much, and for me, I will leave her or him immediately, I will not be a dumb in front of myself again and sit around the table praying again ... ! I AM DONE !! Find a new one, divorce if married is a right solution.

I have broke up with her since I wrote this story. Back to your question it turned out she had multiple partners, I didn't know this when I first met her, and I was the one getting used. You know the one that did things for her the other guys didn't.

You are respectful and you don't deserve this, I can see this, this is the problem, when we the guys spoil them and take care of them and provide them with what they don't dream from others, they cheat on us.
You can never turn any girl who is a hoe, *****, hooker or, in lighter terms, a girl who sleeps around into a housewife.
Please read this post, I always read it and in every time
I feel this is the first time I read it!

Thank you so much for sharing that link with me! Several things I read in that link described my ex right down to someone would have thought the author was thinking of her when he wrote it. A few things described my other ex also. at least after reading this, I know they were the ones with the problem, and not me. Now the question is, is there any women out there who will be faithful and not cheat?

This is really the question I ask my self everyday.
Unfortunately, they claim it is a physical thing which is a lie and I don't believe it, because at the same time they admit they like the taste !!
No one can have sex with someone without attachment unless s/he is a hoe, same we read in that link above. The faithful one will worship you, will let you feel you are a man when you deal with her, she will not go and jump on another ****.
It really hurts, then they say that they made lots of mistakes, they are just messed up characters and broken personalities.
I would recommend that you look for a well educated lady that at least understands the diseases caused because of sleeping around and do NOT offer them money at the beginning even if they ask for it, if someone has just met you and asked for money, leave her immediately, she is a hoe. Don't be generous at the early stages of your relationship, be nice but not an open pocket, because they will keep complaining to you and suck your **** to get the money, they will use your generosity, they will not understand it the way I or you understand it.
From my experience, if you stay with someone for hours and you didn't hear her phone tone, it's silent, and she doesn't want you to know about the others and she doesn't want them to know about you, she wants to **** all of you separately, end of story, she sleeps around. Watch the attitude.
Unfortunately, we do all of this and we still pick up the worst!! I wish we meet a faithful lady that appreciate us.

Thanks, I really appreciate your advice.

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She cheated. You were faithful and loving. My ex husband of 6 years moved in with his gf of two months after I found out about her. The best thing I did to help me recover was know that I did my best to keep the relationship alive.
I would like to see the same peace with you. It was her fault. You tried. No relationship is perfect so don't think it was anything you did.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I know how bad it hurts. Be strong. There is life after divorce. You have to get over her first though

Thanks. i am getting over her now. i am still going to have A tough time trusting another woman. Sorry you went through that with him.

You are not at fault.It happens to the best of us.You could be perfect in every way and you will still get cheated on.No matter what.Statistics say 8 out of 10 couples cheat either 1 or both.I have recently been put in that statistic and I hate it.I have been with my husband for 16 years and he cheated on me with a women who is 13 years younger.It kills, and yes I feel like I wasn't good enough.This affair is recent also,but I am trying hard to realize that wether there is something wrong with the person your married to cheating is not exceptable in no way shape or form and saying that something was wrong with you is telling them that that's the why and its ok and its your fault.Its not.Its the cheatersfault.Its a choice that people make,a choice,they choose to do it or not,and they have to deal with the consequences.It sucks and hurts like crap but everyone says it should get better.Dont know if this helps but hope it gets better for you.

Thank you this has hepled alot. Sorry you had to go through this too.

There are many reasons married couples cheat or have sex with others....and I can only relate my own hopefully help others gain a little understanding the reason of just one experience of why this happened....

In my case I was the cheater...and I had no idea why I was doing it....we had no problems between us,,,, we had love we were kind to each other had sex weekly, very little conflict, 3 lovely children...we were doing well in business and I would have classed us as being reasonably level headed....

I was a bit of a high flyer with close contact with women and I would cheat on her then confess to her believing it to be honest.... she would break her heart....and I would feel relieved inside instead of remorse but had no idea why I felt like that or why I was doing it in the first place....she put up with this for 10 years....then couldnt take it anymore and left me....even though I deserved it I was totally shocked and knew I needed help big time...

I enrolled into a heavy group therapy program and it was brutal and in hindsight it was a salvation for me and for her too...unbeknown to me she had enrolled into the same program and the facilitators spent days convincing both of us that it would be the best for us because we could both deal with our own personal issues and the other would be there to understand the dynamics of heart mind and spirit and the motivations under all of that...

Long story short....the most amazing revelation was my patterns... that when she and I were at our closest and happiest together is when I would go to bed with another woman and then tell her I did.... I really thought I was nuts !! why would someone do that to someone they loved?? and how could someone do that to someone who loved them wife loved me with all her heart and soul....

Only with therapy my patterns came out and wow!!! I had a hmmm rather difficult childhood....we were poor lived in isolation cut off from the rest of the world no electricity or running water...schooling only when the rivers were not in flood as there were no Dad was killed in the ww2 when I was 15 months old youngest of 5 kids under 10 and apparently my Mum was so bereft she could not look after friends and relatives did their best... 9 months later Mum became well enough to look after us and slept me in her bed....

One night when I was about 6yrs old I woke and felt my hand being rubbed on something wet... she was using my hand to ********** with and when I jerked my hand away and asked what she was doing she turned her head away and kept silent.... (in my therapy as an adult my heart broke for her)

I was very close to my Mum and I remember that night something dropped in my heart and to this day I dont know what it was...When I was 8 she married a guy who turned out to be a sadist...he was cruel violent and merciless...he had been wounded in the war and in fights in bars and other places... had knife and bullet wounds all over him....Later in life I asked Mum why she married him she said she could not feed us and there were no prospects where we lived....

The reason for my infidelities became very clear in therapy....when I was the closest to my Mum she hurt me emotionally (she left me as a babe and then removed me from her bad when I was 8 cos she got a husband...and never stood up for me when he was thrashing me, much violence and cruelty)

So I had to make myself safe by putting distance between the one I love (mother/child) (wife/adult) and myself but did want to leave her because I really did love her and needed her when we were the closest is when I would fear her hurting I would have sex with another lady then tell my wife....she would break her heart which made her distance herself from me...that is why I felt relieved when she cried because I then felt is also the reason I felt so shocked when she did leave me...crazy stuff !!! but true...

Just over 6 months apart we got back together and have been happy ever since cheating glad to say....
Sorry for the length of this and if you are still reading it then there must be something in it for you....and I thank you for your post on this subject....

There is always an answer to every action and reaction....and only love can cure and fear pull it apart....

The problem has to be me then because 3 different women cheated on me and I never cheated on them. Sorry what you went through.. I am glad your therapy helped you.

Just curious, did you tell the 2 women after the 1st that you had been cheated on and looking for someone who can be faithful?

I told both women the reason I left the last woman is because she cheated.

Some people seem to be distrusting nowadays that is why we need to get to know them deeper for whom we want to share our lives :)

It not about her love she felt for you it is her behavior

My boyfriend cheated on me 3 times , I always forgive him, but going through a very hard time, he says that he has changed and he will never do it again. He always said that qfter i caught him and then cheated again, I love him, do jot want to break up, but i dont know how to trust again, and it had also affected my self confidn ce. I am always sad, I hate going out now
, i dont even feel beautiful, I have got deep depression and insomnia after that, I don't know what to do, please help me

same here, but maybe try to ask hi what makes him stay with you and why does he cheat ...

I feel all the same ways you feel. I don't know why you do not feel beautiful manisha14 by the looks of your avatar pic. you are very beautiful and don't know why anyone would ever cheat on A pretty lady like yourself. I know for A fact it is the cheaters who have the problem, not peopls like us who stay faithfull. Yes it is depressing to sit at home doing without while they are out doing whatever they want. The insomnia comes from the mind worring and thinking about this all the time.

I was in a relationship for over 5 years and I found out she cheated on me. At first I didn't know what to do, and I turned to alcohol, I forgave her and told her if it ever happened again that I would leave her. Low and behold, it happened again, and i thought I would be ok but im not. I left her and all I do now is drinkand drink to hide from the pain. Why the hell she cheated i will never know, try and move on.

I certainly know how you feel man. Please be carefull with that drinking. I am proud of you for not putting up with her ****. I dont know why any of them cheat but A real grown up woman would understand cheating is wrong and would never do anything to hurt their partner.

Actually if they cheated again, they are not worth even a bit of attention of you.

But I can understand what you feel, ima with you.

I won`t use the sentence "love is blind".But sometimes some people lie and manipulate their way through love.If you met such a person, stay away because a person who truely loves you will not try to "posses" you.

I agree with you. I dont need someone like that. And I am staying away from her.

Yes, i am sorry i have not known you sooner.If not i will have educate you on the "signs".Then you will not have to go through that much pain :(.

You are sweet :)

You too :).I see myself in you actually.But luckily, i have been taught not to be so trustful towards people, and luckily i choose to listen, your parents never do you wrong :).

Now your challenge is find someone worthy for you, and avoid all the unworthy ones :).

I wish I could find A good one for me.

I believe we all can if we choose to not waste time on the unworthy.I had a guy liked me who is very much like that ex of yours, but luckily for some reason his "too good to be true desporism and faithfulness" turns me off.

I know he is not good because of well, first my intuition, second the information i gathered from others.

The type who will get EXTREMELY jealous and try to prevent you from making friends with other guys, got the most charming smile, sweetest tongue and super friendly.

to be educated about "signs"
its true it really hurts

The point is, why do you want to your time being attracted to the bad girl when you are not a bad boy?

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This story is sad, i hope i am there to raise some "warning red flags" awareness before it is too late.Just remember not to make the same mistake twice.

I totally understand how you feel. I was married to a man I totally was faithful too. We had a business together which required us to be apart. I was approached several times and turned down several chances to cheat. He on the other hand did not turn away offers. He has been with over 4 other girls all of which are 19 years younger then him and has at least one child that I'm aware of. I divorced him and our 2 children and I suffer daily with what he has done. I blame myself but am learning to move on. It hurts because I know I'm better than what he did to me. I'm scared of the future and struggle daily to make things right. Hope u grow stronger because I know it's difficult.

It sounds like you were the mature, responsible one who was running the business. You deserve way better than that cheater. Dont blame yourself, he was the one who had to have sex with those girls to up his self-esteem. Yes you do deserve better than that. I hope you completely heal from what he did to you soon :)

I've the same situation goin on just found out my fella of 7yrs hs cheated on me & been gambeling all our families cash feel so sad & cut up I'm a pretty woman who adores him but he was not being intimate with me said I was a sex pest but could go with sum stranger from net I've 4 kids & just been diagnosed with a rare disease which leaves me in such pain I'm on 100mg patch 80mg pills of morphine what do I do now?Ive no choice who's gonna take me sick with 4 kids I feel so destroyed I wasn't a terrible partner 4 rucks in 7yrs ain't bad why did he do this to me?

I dont know why he did this to you, that is sad. I wish I had A lady who wanted to give me plenty of sex. My ex also told me I wanted too much sex. The gambeling thing is A waste of money and no one comes out ahead form that! No one wants me either because of my anxiety that leaves me agoraphobic. I hope you are able to recover from your disease :)

My anxiety levels r thru the roof!

I hope it gets better for both of us.

It will we are strong no matter what life throws our way!!Feel smashed to a billion little pieces now but I know it wnt stay like this forever x

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true, why not settle into a nice conversation without hurting one's feelings. I can understand and comprehend if he talks his side if he is not happy anymore and maybe find ways to solve problems. I cannot comprehend why he had to hurt me and blame me and rationalizing his side. He has no respect and doesnt care. the funny thing is his gf, who is also married with children, have to insult me in front of my husband, what a nerve and a narcisst.....actually both of them are. I know that there is life after a nightmare. and life has more to offer than to stay with a worthless human being.

I am sorry you have to go through that. I dont know why people have be so hurtfull. If he is happy with her, why don't he just moove on and stop hurting you more than he allready has?

cheaters are actually people who have low self esteem. They are sicker than the one cheated on. I kept asking myself why he keeps rationalizing why he cheats as if I have a fault and dragging my self esteem to the earth's core. I know I am beautiful person and I cannot understand why he makes me feel ugly. Who is this person? He has no power over me and why does he hurts me so and tearing me into pieces? Cheaters don't care, ever. But I still believe in "karma". It is a triumph for me if one day he will ask for help and forgiveness when no one really cares for him anymore.

Why dont they just break up instead of cheat if they are not happy?

Cheaters are only on the look out for benefits.Break up = loss of benefits.It is just not in their dna to choose to "break up" because cheaters are despicable by nature and they will not do upright things.

They are sick people

Of course i agree with that.If they were more normal and human, they won`t cheat.People cheat not because of the sex, this i hope you get it too.


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The pain of betrayal can be devastating. In my case I found explicit text messages on her phone. Just want to wish you well. Hope your pain fades soon.

Thank you, For me finding someone to fill the emptyness would help me alot. and I hope your pain fades soon too :)

I'm sorry you've had to.go through this. Its a horrible feeling, when someone you love so much hurts you and your relationship. You are better off without her, though it might be hard. Just remember that in no way does this reflect badly on you, only on her. I ask myself every day the question you mentioned. "Why am I not good enough" but the fact is, you could be perfect and if someone wants to cheat, they'll still cheat. Stay strong and if you need to talk, I'm here.

Sorry you went through this too. That helped me alot when you wrote "in no way does this reflect badly on you, only on her" I hope to find someone else, this loneliness is killing me. Same to you if you need to talk, I'm here too :)

I am positive you will find someone who can show you the love and respect you deserve. Being alone can be tough, especially after recently coming out of a relationship. Don't settle though. I'm sure you have plenty of people who care about you and will help you through the lonely times. Stay strong :)

Nope, I have no one for support, they all tell me I told you so and etc. I went back to her because I believe in second chances and she did the exact same things as the first time so I broke up with her again for good. And family, friends, &amp; neighbors are all mad at me for giveing her A second chance in the first place. I even sobered up 14 months for her and I fell off the wagon after the break up and I feel awfull drinking. Finding the right lady for me will be much needed right now.

I am sorry to hear you have nobody around you at this hard time. It is a shame your friends and family can't put those feelings aside to help you now, when you need them. I understand your choice to take her back, I have taken my husband back more times than i care to remember, and it is sad that it seems they don't wish to change and just jump back to their old ways.
I believe that you should take some time now to be selfish! Do whatever it is that truly makes you happy. This could be the only chance you get to be selfish again :) and only when you yourself are truly happy should you let someone in to your life to share that with you.
I applaud your sobriety. 14 months is a long time and is a great accomplishment. I hope you can find your way back there again. If you ever need some support or a shoulder, I will be here :)

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I was with a guy for 5 years (married for 2 years) that I would have done anything for. I loved him completely and I couldn't even think of anyone else. He cheated on me numerous times, but I stayed because I loved him so much and I knew that if he loved me like I loved him that he would stop and realize what he was doing. Unfortunately, it never stopped. It started with my best friend then progressed to random girls he met on the internet and would go and see. It absolutely tore me to pieces, but we finally got a divorce. I totally agree with what you said about if she loved you like you loved her then no one could have replaced you. That's exactly the way I felt with him. I have a lot of respect for you for being strong enough to leave when you did.

Sweetheart who could cheat on A pretty gal like yourself? I am with you I dont understand cheaters. I am here all alone and doing without and the cheaters are out doing what they want to do.

It seems like they just get it all. They go out and do what they want and tear us to shreds. Then when it's over it's still us that are left to deal with the worst of it. They move on like it's nothing because they don't care about the people that they hurt in the process. But, I truly believe that in the long run we'll come out of it all better than they do because everything that you do to people always comes back on you in some way, shape, or form. I guess until then all we can do is try to stay strong and take it one day at a time and know that eventually it will all work out.

Very true, I like the way you said this :)

i just found out my wife cheated on me 3 times with the same guy,,we have been together for 12 years..this started jan 2010..she did it once,,then in feb, she did it once and came to me and aid she wasent happy anymore..we decided to work on our marrige then in march she did it again,,we have two children an 8yr old daughter and a 2 year old son..the last time she cheated was after march 24th 2012 righ after our sons 2nd b day party. my brother in law over heard he telling my sister ..two weeks ago ,,but she said she ended it back in march...weve decided to work on our marrige because we do love each other..IN the past week we have had the best connection weve had in years.. and have recommited to our marrige..<br />
<br />
Although i cant stop thinkin about the other guy..i found his facebook..saw his pictures(not very attractive at all) i found his house his number and i confronted him..was this wrong? <br />
should i still be feeling like i need to look at her phone every time she is texting someone or talking to someone?<br />

I dont know how she could cheat on you if she loved you. I could never trust A cheater ever again especially after she did it 3 different times. No you were not wrong to confront this dude, however if she is the cheating type she will find others to cheat with. I once heard " if they lie, they will steal, if they steal they will cheat".

It really sucks to hear all of your story's i just confirmed that my husband wanted to cheat i confronted the girl and told her how i felt i have been with this person for20 years and i am not sad or mad i am just done i forgave him before and i choose not to live like this anymore i hope i can still keep feeling like this we deserve to be treated with respect and love and not to be hurt by people that clearly don't care

I agree with you, thanks for the reply and we deserve better than this.

i married 12yrs ago with man who was 17yrs older than me,and it was his second married but i was young and my fist experience ,he had 2kids from first marrage,any way we were in love and had a great years,we have 7yrs old boy .but our problems becouse fof his doughter tarted 5yrs ago and get more ,more and more anyway we saparate but was complicate ,still live togather and still want to work on our marrage,we argu alot ,other hand we said we wan make it.any way ,i found he pass his mob number to lady 2times and every time he told me,hee feel alone,tired and...but he is guilty and sad about it,any way every 2times he didnt start any relationship and was just passing the number.<br />
i went for trip for 5weeks,and befor that we talked and will find some one and i better to find man for myself,but when i back,he start to ask me,did i find any man or not,i didnt say yes or no,becouse i was angry with him,we again live togather ,some times good and some times bad,anyway ,one night he told me he went to massage polour 1time when i was in trip and the other 2 times when i was back,even one of the time ,i remember he bought the dress for me,but i didnt know he was over there first(as you can see everything was very complicated between us)he told me these things becouse he tought i cheated on him in my trip and by telling truth he want to force me to tell him what i did,but when he heared i didnt do any thing,he changed his world any way he tell me he loves me,he wants to be with me again,he is very sad and he can do anything i want...but im lost..i cant even breath,now is 4days i finded and im very deprees,angry,sad and cant trust any one,i just stay in my room and crry,cant eat or drink.i dont know what i have to do.and i dont have any family here,im immigrant and i feel lonely,i wish i could trust him but i never can ,just i like to sleep and not wake up in the morning.

You have A sad story and I hope you can find someone who will make you happy :)

I just found out my girlfriend was texting another man telling him how she can't wait to make love to him and have his baby, basically the same crap she told me in the beginning of our relationship. it really hurts and sucks but I have learned the hard way that you can't control how somebody acts but you can control how you react to it.

This is A tough thing to accept and sorry you have to deal with this, I know how bad it hurts.

I can relate to that.Why not just end the relationship before you decide that you want someone else.I have been thru this. Things are just never the same after such an incident.The damage to the relationship is one thing but the damage to those who have been cheated on is worse. Our dignity and self esteem took a mighty blow. Its hard to regain trust or to even trust others after something like this happens.Those insecurities seem to hang around a long time. I wonder if the cheaters know just how much damage they cause.

I dont think anyone low enough to cheat cares about the damage they cause us. i also find it hard to trust now. And the self esteem thing I could go on and on about that I may never get it back.