She Cheated A Long Time Ago

I have been married for 27 years to the same woman.

We met while in High School, married after she finished College.
Like most marriages we have had our ups and downs, perhaps more downs then up, but that's life.

Lately we have been in a real bad spot and during an argument I told her that perhaps we should get divorced.

Once the words left my mouth, I felt heavy and almost sick. Later we talked and I said, that getting divorced was not what I wanted but our relationship needed to change. I told her I needed to re establish my self and figure out what we wanted. At some point we loved each other, and I needed to figure out what happened and if we are still in love.

Over the course of several weeks, I flipped through a bunch of old photos, old letters we wrote to each other while she was away in college. The good times and good feelings started to come back, and I was sure we could reconnect. Then in the garage I found a box that had more stuff in it. I opened the box and it was filled with stuff from my wife she saved after she had graduated High school and through College life. As I looked at the contents I found notes and journal entries and it was very very clear that over the course of 5 years, she cheated on me with 4 other guys. She wrote about one relationship in short hand, but sitting in the box was an old shorthand dictionary so I was able to cobble the story together. In one other entry she travelled with one guy on a vacation for a few days.

In all this time, I had no idea this was going on, and in fact had always assumed that we have been a couple for far longer then the 27 years of marriage.

I am pretty sure she has not cheated on me after we got married, but I really feel betrayed. But this was a LONG time ago. Not sure what to do at this point
Johnnysacseed Johnnysacseed
4 Responses Mar 24, 2012

Investigate first, and then decide what to do. Unfortunately the expression once a cheater, always a cheater is generally true. 4 separate instances of lying to you and cheating on you is not a one time mistake, it is a pattern. She got away with it, she knows it, and it is likely she continued the pattern. More investigation, research any other records that may be around, check up on her with her friends and family, see if anyone else knows (highly likely) then a careful interview with her to see how she responds to what evidence you have. Do not let her know what you know, how much you know or how you found out.

That was a long time ago and your wife is not the same person she was back then. She most likely is devoted to you and not cheating. Other than create a lot of hurt and sorrow (for both of you) what possible good could come from bringing it up now? Forgive her in your heart and move on with your life. You CAN forgive her for something she did when she was very young. You may never forget, but you can forgive!

Dont ignore it at all. You have evidence that she already cheated on you, so who can tell shes not doing it even today? How many times could that have happened??

if u feel hurt then u should talk to her about it, otherwise it will eat at u, but try and remember that it was a long time ago, and she has grown since then, but its ok to be hurt, even angry, just dont let the past ruin the present and the future.