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My Wife Cheated On Me With Multiple Partners

I just found out my wife has been cheating on me for about 9 months about a day and a half ago. The sad part is I have suspected it for about 9 months as well. Every time I accused her, at least 30 different times, of looking at cheating websites, texting people on her phone, asking her if she went somewhere on certain days and saying she didn't, she would look me straight in my eyes and promise me that nothing was happening and that I should trust her. It took me until just early yesterday to finally decide to look at her phone when she was asleep and find the text messages to random people. I feel stupid, hurt, sad, and hopeless. Why didn't I decide to look at her phone earlier... Her reasoning was that she was bored at home all day and said that she never had those "college" experiences back in college such as random sex. I told her that the one thing that would break up our marriage was if she cheated on me, and I told her this numerous times, before and during the point she was cheating. But she did it anyway, and in our own home.

Anyway, now she says that she will do anything and everything to make it up and start all over again and be the wife I want, even taking away her phone and computer. I don't think that's possible. She has destroyed my trust completely and lied to me repeatedly, even when I knew something was going on. Plus I don't want to babysit an adult and wonder if she is lying to me again or going somewhere when I'm at work. I am going to seek counseling soon for myself to deal with all of this. But should I trust her again after lying to me for 9 months about cheating with so many people, after confronting her so many times, her never telling the truth and lying straight to my face? Everything hurts right now, and I keep coming to different conclusions. Just needed to get all of this out there.
BDeth BDeth 31-35, M 71 Responses Apr 29, 2012

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Long story short, I found out last week my wife has been cheating on me constantly for the last three years. She waited until I had to be away for a year due to work to drop that bombshell and ask for a divorce because she can't live with her guilt. That hasn't stopped her from starting a relationship with a new guy and wants to move forward with him and not me, even though we have three children together. It's made things a little easier since I'm able to walk away with a clear conscience.

My wife has cheated on me with at least 4 different guys (one being my now former best friend) This has bhappend over a 14 year period. Weve been married 19 yrs. The last one (that I caught her) happend 25 days ago. I know I am freaking stupid but I still love her. But I have finally decided to have sex with someone else . Don't know if it will nake me feel better?? But I know it danb sure couldn't make ne feel any worse!!!!!!

In 2007 (25 years married) I connected enough dots to confirm my wife was the grocery store **** (where she worked). Could not seem to ever get enough **** in her mouth. I was devastated bla, bla, bla. Stuck it out because of the three kids. Saved emails and text messages over the years certain they would be beneficial in divorce court when the time was right. Fast forward to Jan 1, 2015 - Family picnic - wife says "New Years resolution is to turn over a new leaf." A few days later I see a text where she turns down an invitation for a date. She says, "I don't do that anymore." My initial thought was disappointment. Over the years the whole thing had kind of grown on me. I know the password to her iPad so I could see just about everything. I always hoped we could just become more open about it. A few days later I see a text from wife's coworker: "So how was it?" Wife's response: "It was massive and he was very nice to me afterwards." Does that mean he paid her? My brother thinks so. Anyway, so now it's Saturday night of a three day weekend. Haven't seen wife since she left for work Friday morning. My sense is that she'll wander in sometime Monday afternoon. How do I feel? Relieved! A cuckold marriage/relationship probably won't work for most guys but it seems to be working for me.

Love your story, and since you were broken up about it initially, sorry to hear that. I also had a cheating wife, and had to find it out for myself. But it was also something I told her I'd be okay with, if she was honest about it. She lied even when I confronted her after I found a letter. However, the way I really found out was her dirty underwear in the laundry.
In our 10 years of marriage, I knew of 12 different men she was with. She would often talk about different men she knew through work, school, etc, and then I would find her remnants of them. We were divorced, but not for those reasons. I loved knowing she was sharing herself, and men were wanting of her.

If you have Kids you need to think twice before taking a step. In othercase you need to think again. If you can live with it for the rest of your life or would like to start something new and live happily

Brother. My wife banged at least ten different guys behind my back over ten years of marriage. She swears its all over now. Midlife crisis. all the typical bs. We are still together for the girls sake. I can honestly say however en i mean this from the bottom. Of my heart, . . . . .I dont even know who i am anymore. It gets worse everyday. God bless you my man.

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Regardless of your decision regarding your wife's poor choices, consider divorce as the last resource. Try to build that lost trust, if something is not done soon, nothing will stop the already damaged relationship. You are doing great getting help, and you'll be okay. Your wife must get help sex therapy while taking couples counseling. If these efforts fail, pray and kiss her goodbye.

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Your wife does NOT respect you since she is continuing to lie.
DO NOT trust her one more minute longer.

I feel you I too have had the exact same thing happened too me she wouldn't leave I made her sleep on couch I ended up letting her stay I have kids with her it's been two years now I still don't trust her she was sleeping with my so called friends she blamed me for bringing them over I need to get a d.n.a. I don't even think all my kids are mine I'm so tired of her fake ways I'm the one who was so Hart broken it hurts its embarrassing I tried to let it go but having a hard time I think she is up to something again I caught her on my son's computer and sheer jump and closed it I said who was on computer she said some lame lie I should have looked I don't no why I even trusted her

Brother, get help! When you had the chance to look and you did not, is a bad sign. It means you don't want to get hurt again and by not looking you are delaying the inevitable! She lost respect for you and respect for her. She needs therapy and most likely medications to control her impulsive behavior.

She my friend is a Narcissus. The question is not whether she cheated, but how many times she cheated. This is the very thing a Narcissus is known for. Quote," I didn't get to in college, I was board". It is all about her. I bet you have bent over backwards trying to please her because of her insatiable desire to fulfill her needs. You ever here, once a cheater, always a cheater. It is a famous cliche for a reason. Is it true for every person, no, but for the majority of cases, yes sir. Multiple partners, think clearly about this, do you think you deserve such a total disregard for the vows you spoke, promised, and kept. Kick this lying, cheating, sick, and selfish maneater to the curb. Pack up, and run like hell as far away from this heart stabbing viper as you can. She says now, but I want you. I,I,I,I. I bet she starts every sentence with I. She does not deserve loyalty, because she now, nor may ever be able to reciprocate. You, on the other hand, is letting your heart lead you to the land where cheaters dwell. YOU DO NOT DESERVE NOTHING LESS THAN AN HONEST, LOYAL, CARING, WILLING TO WORK THINGS OUT TOGETHER, TRUSTWORTHY WOMAN. And unless you leave," I'm the center of the universe", you'll never ever find her. And trust me, she's out there waiting for you.

Totally agree with your advise Sir.

I like married women but not porcupines so her multiple partners would turn me off. You can suggest counseling or ask her honestly why she did. Mos I have had were simply bored. Some were like men and wanted something "different"

Just found out for sure that my wife of 43 years has been frequenting, and acting on, online hook up dating sites. I've suspected it for six months or so, been probing her about it, trying to catch her, but was not successful until Fathers Day weekend. I could tell by her body language as she sat across the room from me on her shielded iPad that she was distracted, up to something. So I grabbed a mini video recorder and slipped it behind her so I could see what she was looking at and sure enough, she was arranging the meet up at a Walmart in broad daylight 2:30 in the afternoon!I had seen 'your picks of the week' emails in her email, which she summarily dismissed as unsolicited spam. As well as emails from other dating sites. I'm absolutely devastated by this, don't know how long it's been going on, how many men she's been with. Thinking of getting HIV tested. In fact, her hook up that dreadful Saturday afternoon turned out to be a couple, a man and woman in the parking lot. I know because I placed an audio recorder in her car before she left and I heard portions of their conversation. At one point, I heard the woman ask, "you all wet" and the man cooing about "Marsha" loving Giovanni, which I later learned was a **** star with a line of sex toys. I don't know for sure but either one or both of them experimented on my wife right there in the car or she used her little toy in front of them. I'm told that the latest rave is a remote controlled device. So they could have been pleasuring her by remote.My ******* mind is blown! It's like the worst nightmare, one that won't go away. Now, she's pressuring me into reconciling but won't even admit to anything, says she won't "grovel" and expects me to never probe her on it or mention it again, just like it never happened. <br />
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She's asking for more than I can give. Absent a complete confession and a genuine and sincere request for forgiveness ( which I will grant because I love her that much) either one of two things will happen; either I will stay with her and dog her out by giving her a taste of her own medicine or I will dump her and fight her for every dime she tries to muscle out of me through divorce and alimony. I feel so violated, so ripped off at this stage of my life. Don't think I will ever be able to trust her again. She's been doing this while I've been at work, making her life easier so she can do QVC, and Jared and buy all her little trinkets and **** she likes. And now I find out that she had so little respect for me that she made her hook up right while I sitting 3 feet away from her! Telling her two friends in the parking lot, "tomorrow's just better. He's home." That 'tomorrow' was Fathers Day! And where was I on Mothers Day, with her and my mother and sister, showing her respect. <br />
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All the while, she's been telling me, "I don't have any hormones." Man, I got to be the biggest Fool on the planet! Any thoughts from women on this site?

Leave hr bro coz d person who has cheated u once will do it again... N dis is my personal experience

hello everyone...I am 53 years old married to my wife for 25 years. We are both highly educated and have two kids. Six months ago I found that my ex-soulmate had more than an affair. She had developed a relationship with an unemployed electrician 15 year younger than her. My wife is a medical doctor. I always trusted her judgement and heart. At some time point when we were all on family trip overseas she started talking about bringing home a remote cousin to live with us. When I saw them together and their body language my suspicions grew stronger that <br />
they had sexual contact. Took me a day or two snooping around the stupid facebook to discover sexual conversations between the two of them. My wife continued supporting the unemployed electrician for a good 6 month financially, emotionally and sexually. At the same time all this time she kept open conversations about everything. She has been humiliated by being beaten up by him, she had to go court for domestic violence charges with him, she was texting and talking to him openly on the phone in front of me. When I made her life difficult she left me with our two young kids (15 and 8-both girls) stone cold and rented an apartment away from us to live with her young lover. her relationship with him turned out bad and gradually deteriorated. I wanted to leave this country and go back to my home country but I couldnt abandon my daughters. Mom was all about partying and feeling sexy and such...It was pretty much leave or take deal. All this time it turns out she enjoyed having sex with me, her husband, as well and gradually she started shifting more and more towards me sexually. She was very open about what she did and why she did it. Initially I forgave her but since she kept going with that guy I started feeling more and more repulsion for her. I came to the point to feel sorry for her condition. A trusted physician, mother and wife turned into a stupid whorish trash. I thought about divorce many times and it still up in the air. She says she loves me. She spends less and less time away from home. In my case I put the kids first for a number of reasons. I tried to be reasonable with the situation though I cried for a good three months..then i dried out...I am not sure where we are headed in this "marriage" but now I feel more like a roomate than anything else. If another relationship comes along I might jump off this train but since I am a working 53 year old male taking care of two young daughters I decided to stay on this very unpleasant ride for a while. The difference between men and women is that when men cheat it can be purely a sexual one time thing -its bad...but when women cheat is more than that...a woman wont easily offer her private parts to a man without offering ALSO part of her inner self and that hurts even more...I went to counseling but found no use for it...talked to everybody I knew about my wife's affair...never took it as a shame...just as a sickness she I still love her? NO! I love the person she was way before the affair happened...I am thinking riding it out another 10 years until my youngest is off to college...unless something else happens on my part or hers. I sacrificed my career for hers cause she had too much money to pay back...I came to live in a place that I never wanted to be just to be with her...and thats how she paid me back....she is almost 50 now and she is going berzek with hormones, getting older, etc. never mind education, background and family -all out of the times I think my decision was not too bad...My kids "see" mommy and daddy still together, we still share a bad and maybe over time things will get better....although true never the same ever ever again...the once a cheater always a cheater clause recited by many here its true even if a cheater does not cheat again...we all need to realize that all sins are a form of stealing; killing someone : cheating him/her out of their lives; wrongly accusing someone : cheating someone from their reputation; adultery? cheating so many things out of so many people including dignity from your own self..for the cheaters themselves. sure thoughts of abandonment and punishment come to mind all the time...if there is a way though and if there are kids in the middle it may worth a try to stick with your "marriage" to see what happens....if there is still a connection in body and soul couples that go this way they may have chance...

Dude, you got complacent. A woman will push and push for control until she gets it, and when she finally gets control of everything in your life; she will get bored with you. A woman wants to feel that her man is a real man, a take charge kind of guy; not just with the house or the car but with her.
Women are like cats playing with a mouse; as soon as the mouse quits putting up a fight and stops trying to get away, the cat walks away.
And the more you pull on her to get back to the life you shared, the more the other guy will pull to hold on to his meal ticket.
So stop falling apart. Make a decision to move on with out her, once you do that, that cat will want to come back and play. But as long as you are waiting around for her to come to her senses, she will keep playing with the other mouse. Just like when you were in college and the professor gives 2 months to complete a five page report, why would you worry about it now, you have 2 months. She is doing the same thing not worried about you she has plenty of time; right now she is going to have some fun.
I speak from experience, my wife cheated on me twice before I finally divorced her. Here's what I did, I filed for divorce with the intention of keeping my kids.
Then I changed my house around met new people, did things totally opposite of what I used to do. The cat that walked away wanted to come back and play. But, by this time I didn't want to play, it was over I had enough of her playing.

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She will do anything allright. Anything to keep her meal ticket, ATM, house, cars, and cosy little world she has become accustomed with.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

I am not sure if the original poster has ever come back to EP, his story was posted in April of 2012, but I sure hope he was able to get past this relationship and find someone deserving of his love. As someone who is approaching the 1 year anniversary of finding out about their partner cheating I came here looking for proof that a relationship could survive this betrayal. I found the replies very interesting, obviously every relationship is unique and if I can give anyone in a similar situation some advice, it would be communication is everything. Your partner has to be willing to talk openly about what they did, why they did it, etc. because you will have questions for a long time. You may not be able to get past the betrayal and that is ok, it really is more about you in the end.

What do you want for yourself? I still love my husband, still actually in love with him. Our relationship pre-cheating was growing more and more sad as we did not communicate and grew further and further apart. We were too polite, not able to say what we needed, what we wanted and there was an illness that caused him to not be able to "burden" me with his desires, which spiraled out of control.

Since I found out, he has done everything to make me believe he wants this relationship, and only ever wanted this relationship. We talk about painful subjects often, because you have to. you have to let them know when you are hurting inside because a reminder just popped up in a movie, etc. - you'll be surprised to know they felt it too, and feel incredible guilt and saddness over what they have done.

I won't lie, the betrayal is the hardest for me at this time. I guess only time will tell if you ever truly move beyond that. I am working on focusing on me. What do I desire? What do I need? Who am I, as a person and what do I want out of this life?

2014 will be a very interesting year for self discovery, I wish you all well this year, and healing for all of us.

No don't rust her 95% of all cheaters cheat again. It's like the thief that isn't the least bit sorry they stole until the get fought and face consequences. I am a woman and I know it is said that men cheat more than women but this isn't true all my friends I have ver had cheated and if they did it once and got caught they always did it against to the same person that they cheated on int he first place. I am going to get in trouble with the girl code enforcers but I can't say it won't happen again in fact I have never seen it not happen again. The reason why men get coughs more often is because they eventually feel guilty and admit it (dummies!). Girls are smart enough to deny it till they are caught red handed. Sorry fella but she will do it again as soon as she gets the chance because the cheating and hiding is what gives her the rush she is desiring and it's like heroine she will use again.

I totally agree and I'm a man. If they cheat once, they cheat twice. The first time is the hardest after that a woman gets better at hiding it; unless she sleeps with the same guy enough times that she finally decides that is who she wants. Then it's all over, she went overboard and no life raft or life saver will change her mind.

If she had only one partner wile having an affair I would say it would be possible to work through it. But the fact that it was with multiple partners says she is doing it (Because cheating turns her on). There is no changing this type of person because it is a sexual prefference just like you cant turn a gay person strait. So unless you are prepaired to let her sleep with whome she wants and eventually inevetably give you HIV than i would tell her to hit the road.

I just found out after 18 years of being married with my wife that she cheated on me during our honeymoon . She stayed at the dance floor when I went to bed . She was dancing with this Jamaican guy who happened to be a prostitute . From what I gather my wife could of been involved with multiple partners that night engaging in what was an **** in the after hours of the bar closure. What I still don’t know is if she was the only female in there. She did this the day after we took our wedding vows . I don’t believe I will ever heal from this .

It happens more than it should. My first wife was sleeping with her boss while I was in Baghdad, Iraq in the Army. Just found my second wife of 7 years texting at least 5 other guys. One her ex fiance, talking about what they want to do when they meet. I know she met one of them. I have since called her out on them. She swears she hasn't done anything physical. Either way were done. She moved out two days ago. I think the anger is overriding the pain for now.

"But you'll need to set up ground rules, such as limitations on when and where it can happen, perhaps with whom, etc. For starters, I would suggest making your home off limits to activities you aren't involved in. But you'll have to agree on what rules make the most sense for you two. Here's a great opportunity to have the time of your life and make her a very happy woman in the process."

There is something in the dynamic of the cheating which is what she is attracted to. She does not want to have a *********, she wants to cheat. If its not cheating then she is not going to enjoy it like you think.

For now I am just going to be alone thanks. I think I would for more happined in seeking God than in seeking happiness through people.

get that worthless ***** a job. a lot of daytime idle women cheat. shes got that much energy she needs a job.

That is a good idea. But ***** are always *****, works cannot stop them.

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yea... right

I am so sorry. I almost NEVER tell anyone to leave a relationship. For the most part, I beleive that if two people are committed to making it work they can get through almost anything. The key is "committed." Your wife is clearly not committed to either the marriage or you. Her first (and perhaps only) committment is to her own selfish happiness. "Looked you in the eyes?" That is pathological. The fact that she even gave you that horrible rationalization (she missed out on "random sex"! seriously?) just says she will toe the line until you turn your back again. If you aren't sure, go to counseling. I would personally kick this one to the curb and never look back.

she has proven that she is utterly unworthy of trust. She simply does not want to lose in this battle of the sexes thing she is enaging in. If you want her to lean then she will have to pay consequences, which in this case is loosing something important. The best thing you can do for both her and yourself is walk away and never look back. cut off ALL contact with her and leave her in your dust.

This isn't a rvenge thing it is finally forcing her to face the consequences of her actions. Until she has to do this she will never change even for herself.

Sadly , it takes a lot of time to get over stuff like that... But honestly, if you don't think you can work through it and trust her again... It will only drive a wedge between you. My rule of thumb and at my over 40 years... Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Coming from a womens point of view.Not all women are like this.Men do it too.I am 35 years old and have been with my husband for a total of 17 years.I was a virgin and he is the only man ive ever been with and found out 8 months ago he had a one nighter with a 21 year old.Women suffer to and get cheated on.I did not try to get him back and am still faithful till this day.I would say multiple partners you need to let her go.I couldn't ever imagine doing that to my husband.Even know after hes done this and me trying to cope,i could never do what your wife is doing to you.I am so sorry for this and know exactly how you feel.The decision is yours and hope what ever decision you make is the right one for you and you get through even stronger than you ever were before.Keep in touch.Hugs.

You are a good woman if you haven't retaliated sexually. God bless you. We make dumb choices sometimes in relationships and In life. But I applaud you for still being faithful. I don't know but after reading your post. I like you As a person.

Aren't you going to leave him?

I think all man should wake up and smell the roses! Women do not function as men do. If they are with you at any point of time it is because they are getting what they need from you. I am not saying it in a financial way. She could be with you because you take good care of her, but that does not mean that she does not need another man that will make her fell ways that you are unaware of. Basically, they will always do what they please. Enjoy the time they are with you. When they live the house, God only knows what they are up too! The less questions you ask the better! After all , if she does it it's because she needs it. Go with or leave it.