Tell Tale Signs

after 12 years of marriage to my wife i guess things had become a little dull and perhaps i was not paying her enough attention, heres what happened.  given that my wife is 11 years younger than me she would go into town for drinks with her friends and  i had no problem with this,  I had no problem with her dressing in short skirts or low cut tops, from the day i met her she dressed this way and I quite liked having some sexy young lady on my arm.  Things changed gradually and eventually after a hard days work i would stay in and put my feet up while she would go out with female work collegues.

My wife never even owned a mobile phone and I thought it a little odd when sudddenly she wanted one.  I thought of the benefits of being able to text her n stuff so never gave her sudden need for one to much thought,   but started to notice she was going to the toilet more often and taking longer, instead of sending the kids to the local shop she would go herself, She would not come to bed but stay up late to watch TV.  I used to work overtime every saturday and i believed she loooked after the kids.  At one point the oldest mentioned in all innocence her mum had been out for ages.  I dint know how to approach the subject of my lack of trust in her but it all came out after we had a rare night out together.

She asked why my mood was foul so I let her have it  "I think youare having an affair" no denial, just an  admission, she met a guy one friday night and aranged to meet him knowing i was at work the following day.  3 times she met him close to his home he got into the car and she drove to a nearby wooded area where on each of the 3 occasions she performed oral sex on him to completion.  She swears he never entered her saying the time he tried he was too close to *******.  We are still together but is it possible to put something like this behind us, I cant get the image of a guy in our car with his trousers around his ankles being pleasured by my wife.
spellb0und spellb0und
51-55
5 Responses May 10, 2012

I know this is a while ago but when caught out women usually on offer up 3/4 of the truth. In all probablity she did fuc..k him.

She only told you that oral sex bit to make it seem her vagina is still sacred to you.

Anyway hope your in a better place now

i feel your pain. i think that if you remain together, you have to discuss the possibility of therapy. if neither of you is willing to move on thru therapy, better then to discuss the possibility of a open relationship and accept that is who she is & wants to be.

Sadly, trying to forgive someones past actions as a "growing up" experience doesn't mean they actually learn anything from it. Like you, my ex had a history as well..but she made me feel like I was all that mattered to her. There were always little red flags, but it wasn't until we hit tough times and her interest waned that the red flags became too big to ignore.<br />
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Even with all that happened I still love the girl, but she's gone. Your story intrigues me, because I always "what if" had I stayed....I was 8 years older than her. It sounds like the 'ladies' we were with were cut from the same cloth. Interested to see how this turns out for you.

Well tho were still together but if i could rewind with the knowlege i have we wouldnt be. She never goes anywhere, she hates me
going anwhere, to the point where i just dont in order to keep the peace, and i seem to live my life expecting her to let me down. Also why was,nt i enough in the 1st place? what if I had not discovered her tyrsts? my guess is she would have fallen in love with him and i,d have been dumped. Might have been preferable in hindsight instead of constantly dealing with her insecurities.

when i say she only pleasured him thats because when they were about to f*** she had taken her pleasuring of him too far and he was too close to c***ing to be able to enter her, ive no doubt that had he not been so aroused she would have and wanted to f*** him. I should have known what she was like tho, the stories i heard ,but she made me feel like i was the only one she ever really loved so i thought her past behaviour would not repeat itself

At least your wife admitted it, I played the detective game for months with my ex until everything was pieced together. What I find interesting about your story is that only she pleasured him...doesn't that sound a bit strange? Like what was her motive? My ex lied over and over saying she just kissed a guy, but in reality the guy was in rehab for heroin/had sex with my girl unprotected/and came inside her.<br />
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I'm sure you'll hear all kinds of crap that "you made her do it", but much like me, you were at work when all this was going down trying to take care of your family. When I went through it last October and heard all these bs excuses that it was my fault, I got the greatest piece of advice: "Did you go out and hand-pick a guy for her to fool around with?"<br />
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Because I guarantee if you or I cheated, they would lay down the hammer. Hilarity ensued when my ex's next boyfriend cheated on her and she came crying to me about it. No remorse for what she did to me, but flabbergasted someone could actualy cheat on her.