Girlfriend And I Both Slept With Other People.

Me and my girlfriend of 4-5 months were having a rough month or two , it was mainly because I drank alot( which affected our relationship as well) but the drinking made me confused about my feeling for her. So we broke up the last month we were together but still spent our nights together and......all the other relationship stuff. but after about a month of being "broken up" i told her i wanted to take a break (didnt know how i felt) we wernt technically together but still together all the same. so we took a break where we wernt spending the nights togetehr anymore probably only a few hours together every few days, we would text and facebook though. she kept telling me she wanted me back and to be together because she loved me ( and i did the break thing because i wasnt sure on how i felt so it felt like the right thing to do, by her and in general. So i decided i would ask someone else to hang out. we hung out a few times (this girl seemed cool i didnt plan or try anything i asked her to hang out because i thought we would get along good and have fun) me and her ended up sleeping together once( she was just broken up with her bf of 3 years so i guess she was rebounding i didnt know though) she stopped it halfway through and i agreed obviously. My ex i guess figured it out or accused us and then figured it out that way. But after me and this other girl slept together i was sure i loved my girlfriend. Not a good way to figure it out but i`ll take it. But then my ex who said she loved me and wanted me back slept with my neighbor to hurt me she says. I begged her to come back to me but after a few weeks of trying she finally said we wernt getting abck together (i didnt want to but had to block her and cut off contact to try and get over her, didnt want to but ahd to try. Two months after (after me drinking about 30 beer a night, im 180lbs 5,9) she messaged me on an email i tryed but couldnt delete, she said she made a huge mistake and wanted me back. I called her right away she said she wanted me back and i asked her to cut off contact to this guy she slept with once but she wouldnt, and she stopped talking to me again. So i told her it was ok if she didnt (wasnt but i loved her) . And we started talking again. I quit drinking because i knew we couldnt make it if i drank (i was mean alot when i drank and it caused stupid fights). So on new years she finally hung out with me again, its been 4 1/2 months since then and we have spent about 5-6 nights apart. Our only problem is im to insecure or something. Probably about 7-8 times a day i will think about them together (cant help it) Only the last 2 weeks i figured out how to keep it in without her knowing it was bugging me. I trust her not to do it again. I asked her questions about her and him, i dont know why just had to know i guess i dont believe some of her answers but. . . . . its not about the questions i just need to get over it soon, because i know if we were to break up it wouldnt bug me anymore (i know it wouldnt so thats one solution) but i love her alot, i know im a hipacric lol. but either way i need to get over it or it cant work. I asked her to do one thing to fix it, either block him get rid of his number but she wouldnt until we argued for awhile about it. It jsut feels like I broke everything off with the person i was with because it would ruin any chance i have or had with my girlfriend before but she didnt do the same? basically I expected her to do one thing equal to that and i told her i would talk to someone after she did because then it wil be my insecurities for sure. She wont though and I cant keep thinking about the girl i love with him. And I cant do it much more.
rob20 rob20
18-21
May 15, 2012