My Story (divorced For 2 Years Now)

I was married for 4 years and we were together for nearly 6 years. I loved my wife very very much. We are both very athletic people and got along great together. I have never had that "spark" from being around someone until I met her. I always told people that for me knowing that being in love was when you always smiled when you saw or were with that person. We had a really great marriage until just before our 3rd anniversary when she decided to get on Facebook. Within a month or so I figure, she started talking with an ex-boyfriend from college. It kind of wierded me out at first, but i thought since he was all the way up in Iowa and we were in FL it was "ok." I read the first few messages and nothing bad or would raise concern. We had just found out she was pregnant and so very happy to start our family. She decided to go home to IA and celebrate with her family. I could no go due to work conflicts so she went off by herself. Well apparently from what I can figure out she met him while she was up there and ended up having a one night stand. All of those old feelings came back and she just couldn't stop. The other guy convinced her to abort our child because "he thought it was gross to have sex with a pregnant woman." So she ended up terminating the pregnancy and told me she miscarried after being nearly 3 months pregnant. I believed her at this point and did not know this affair had happend/started. After she started becoming very distant...not the women i knew. She didn't want to kiss me, hug me, tell me that she loved me, have sex, etc. Always on the computer after work. I thought maybe she was depressed due to the "miscarriage," but anytime i asked her about it she said she didn't want to talk about it, or she was "too tired." After a month of that she told me she wanted to go to IA for a week to see her family, but really went up there to screw him. When I picked her up at the airport she was angry, distant, cold. Later that night she got angry and told me that I was a ***** and couldn't believe she was married to a man that had a womans job (i'm a PE teacher). That really shocked me and I didn't know what to say and just ignored it and went to bed. Over the next few weeks it was several times a week I started hearing that i wasn't a real man, a joke, i should be lucky to be married to her since i was a teacher (she was an exercise physiologist). After 3 months of no sex and how all of a sudden sex "hurt her" i asked a couple what they thought and the wife told me she was having an affair. I thought...no way in hell! My wife's mom had an affair when she was in middle school and she hated her mom and never spoke to her. Finally my wife told me she was going to a conference in Tampa for a week. I talked to my sister-in-law and she told me that i needed to look at the cell records. I did and sure enough this ex-boyfriend's number was popping up on her way to work, during her lunch break and on her way home. I called her and after we talked about stupid crap i hung up and then saw where she was calling from...Las Vegas. I barely made it to the bathroom before I threw up. I have never been that emotionally distraught in my life that I vomited. After I somewhat regained myself I called her back and asked her where she was...told me in Tampa. I said, you are lying...i know you are in Vegas.....dead silence on her end. I said are you with this matt guy....she says, No im at a conference but it is in vegas. Im like ok why did you lie about the location.....uhhh i don't know. So I said i know you are there with him because his cell is showing up as being in vegas too. She told me she didn't have time to deal with this and hung up...and turning off her phone. After leaving several messages i get a return call 3 days later and she had the gall to yell and me saying it was none of my business to spy on her and how "hurt" she was and that how could she ever trust me again. I was so upset and speechless I didn't know what to say.
When she came home she was livid...told me that it was none of my business/how dare I/She can't trust me anymore, etc....total mind-f*cking me. And my self esteem was so shot at that point I somewhat believed that and she capitalized on it. I left and within 3 weeks she was begging me to come home....she was wrong and that they were "just friends." Well I loved her so much i overlooked that lie and came home. I ended up wasting nearly a year of my life living in torment. Always wondering if she was talking to him, he was coming here to see her, etc. I told her this numerous times and she told me i needed to get over it, it wasn't that big of a deal, etc.
She could see me hurting and still treated me like crap...after about a year I saw she started texting him again and that was it for me. I had to ask for a divorce.
She yelled at me and was very angry that I wanted a divorce. My favorite quote from her was, "I shouldn't have to be faithful to someone I don't respect."
She wanted to take me to the cleaners in the divorce (shows you how much of a ***** ***** she became) and when I told her father he talked to her and she dropped that B.S. I got about 3/4 of everything.

Shortly after the divorce this guy ended things because "it wasn't exciting for me now that you are divorced from your husband." You could tell she was hurt and my response was....gee you didn't see that coming?!?! He was an a-hole in college and he is treating you as an a-hole would now. So what does my ex do...she goes off birth control and flies up there to get him to knock her up....well she succeeded and tricked him into marrying her. What a great way to start off a marriage...from one lie to another. She got what she wanted and didn't care what she had to do to get it. We shall see if it lasts. She gave up her career, etc for a guy who cheated on her numerous times in college. And he is a fat douche now too....couldn't hack it in law school so he works in his dad's chicken feed store....just goes to show that love really is blind lol!

I have never heard an apology or seen her shed a tear. I hope to get one, but plan on it. I got a, "i'm sorry that you are hurting, but not sorry for what I did and I think you'll apologize to me one day for telling everyone what I did." Don't count on that happening *****!

It took me a little over a year to get over everything and move on. I do care for her and it really makes me sad that she became this person I never knew and threw everything away for a "blast from the past." And I really hope this kid of her's and anymore she may have aren't brought up in a crappy environment.

I have not met anyone worth a long term relationship, but hopefully soon I can be happy again and have the family I want and deserve.
sigchi152 sigchi152
31-35
3 Responses May 16, 2012

Wow...I'm actually heart broken for you. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I'm sure you've come out of it a stronger and better person. My husband had cam2cam sex and emotional affairs , I don't know for sure if he got physical with anyone. I was distraught , that raw emotion when I found out made me vomit too. Both our partners were totally un remorseful...it's sad they can claim to love us but not even give a dam when we cry. <br />
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Your story has given me hope ! I'm not bitter towards him so I don't want to see him hurt again the same way I was. But I do want to see that he misses me - but he doesn't. It's been a month since we have been divorce. <br />
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I pray that we both find someone who is worth our love and attention.

Hey - my wife cheated badly...awful betrayal and I still wonder whether she really understands how hurtful it was / is. The guy was the father of my child's best friend. Just brutal. I hope you are hanging in there. I pray a lot about it, and remind myself that I'm not about being a victim....

People just suck...women can really suck. My story is bad too. So sorry.

Am sorry you have to go through all that. Hope you are still not bitter over this cuz it will only eat you up. All the best.