Cheated On And He Still Calls Me For Help

I met this guy 7 years ago and we have 2 kids together. He cheated on me a few times and so did I as payback. After a few years you learn that behavior is not taking you anywhere, so I grew out of it, but he didnt. When our second baby was 2 months old, I found out he was trying to hook up with some chick he met at a park while I was at home taking care of the kids. He had no job and I was paying the bills working from home. Lots of sleepless nights and still working to keep the bills caught up while he slept through the night and played with the computer during the day.

I put his sorry *** out same day I found out.

Now, even though I am not as furious anymore, I want to move away and say f*** you. You have no right to see my kids. I get very little help from him whenever he wants 'or can' as he says. Bs stories of having less hours at work, but he stills goes out and out of town with his new girlfriend and her kids. Leaves the oldest one behind. By no means he takes baby (11 months) I wont allow it.
He has no rights because he's not on birth certificate, so there's no child support set up either.

Sorry idiot wants to be friends and call my phone whenever he needs help, either to borrow money or for any stupid favor. As if he didnt have his girlfriend to go to.

I refuse to stay around, he's a user pos, but what do I do with my oldest son?? He's crazy about him cause since this useless pos man always had plenty of spear time and played with the kid...

Do I suck it up and stay around just so this kid has a 'dad' or do I say f** you Im gone and forget about us. I dont want the little one to get used to him. He doesnt deserve to have the love of this child. He made his choice of trading us for a piece of a**, so why should I let him be part of the kids lives??

Im confused. I need other points of view.....
36-40, F
6 Responses May 18, 2012

I'm considering a move, myself. With my husband or without, I am not sure. But I have friends and family in another state and I know I need to get out of here. There are too many negative memories where I am at right now. I need to start fresh with my little girl, and if my husband can get his stuff together and come with, great. If not, I am determined to make it anyway.

I say move. If he wants to see his kids, he is going to have to make an effort to do so. If he isn't willing to put in the effort to see his kids, he is not really the man you want as a role model for your children anyway. Find a new man who will take care of you and love you and your children. Good luck!

Tks! I think every day of where to... trust me....Another man no, I cant trust them again. I'd be a doubting him all the time and it be torture for both. I do want friends to hang out with, if you read the other response you'll see what I mean.... Im a mess right now.

Yeah, it is every weekend from friday night til monday morning, he drops him off very early since he just lives 2 miles away...only one weekend the kid gets to stay because he's on call.....I guess he thinks because Im a stay at home mom and I get to see them every day he needs to spend as many days as possible with him.... I know by law thats not the way it works.....

Even of you are are a stay at home mum, you do hold a job and hence I think it is only fair that he either get a alternate weekends or every sat/sun. Try checking with the authorities in your region on that.
As for making him suffer his consequences by leaving town, am sorry but I can't agree with that as you are then revenging at your kids' expense. The only time I think keeping the kids away from the dad Is right is if the dad is abusive, which your ex is not.
Though it's been 10 months, the hurt he caused u is still raw ans hence all these resentment. It took me around 4 years to get over all that hurt and to be able to treat my betraying ex as a friend and the dad of my child.
So I hope you will give yourself more time. Don't be in a rush. When the kids are with him, do something that u used to enjoy pre-kids days like hanging out with friends, catching a movie, having a manicure or just chilling out in front of the tv. Soon u will look forward to such times when you can be relieved of your duties as a mum ( I do. Haha).
Hang in there girl. We mums are great. Our love for our kids makes us stronger people who are capable of putting aside our resentments against our ex-es for their benefit. God bless. :)

Wow, 4 years is a long time, although I think I'll feel this way forever... How long did you guys stay together?
AT times I talk to him like nothing happened, I try to act cool and as if it didnt hurt anymore, but the fact that he has all the free time in the world, has new girlfriend, got a new truck, goes out, has a job and enjoys of the kid as he pleases, just plain drives me crazy. He doesnt deserve to have it so ez.
I dont have friends because I dont have a job, only been here 2 years, all my friends are in another town (6hrs away), I have no family here either. Im always at home closed up with the kids, just go out to the park, and people now a days dont really want to make friends just because, everywhere I go I take the kids with me. The baby cries bloody murder if someone else picks him up, he will warm up to u, but it takes some time, so he stays with me 24/7. I love this baby more than life itself, he's the apple of my eye right now, but I'd like some time for myself also, meet new people, go for drinks and do normal stuff. Im a prisoner in my own house. Like if I was the one who did wrong and I have to pay for it.
This is hard as hell, Im tired of being alone, and the worst part is that I cant trust again. Im scared from this. I loved this man more than anything in this world and he crapped all over me.
He said once he would change his ways for someone else, but not for me. So why should I stay? He knew the consequences and still did it.

leave that jerk and take care of your little ones

We have been separated for 10 months now....Im debating between leaving town and make him suffer by not being able to see the kids as he pleases.....he comes and goes when he wants since we live 2 miles apart....i hate that part.....
I want him to deal with the fact that his mistake has big consequences. I dont have to stay here since I work from home and I can do the same thing anywhere I go, I rent, so really and truely i have no ties but him. Him and the fact I have the kids.........

I dont wanna make it easy on need to go through hell when they decide to blow a relationship up in smoke just for piece of a****..... ...
If they just had the guts to sit down and say it to your face without a big drama speech and the classic blame game, maybe it wouldnt be so hard......but the betrayal and snicking out, the lies and temper tantrums they throw just to get what they want is what makes me sick to my stomach......cant forgive and forget it.......

Tks for your comment......I do check and ask him questions as of what they do and things he sees and hears. My x doesnt have a place of his own, he rents a room. When his girlfriend goes to visit him, they sleep together and so all the kids (her 2 and mine). Him and her in one bed, kids in a seperate bed, but in the same room. I dont agree with that, but I have no control over it. Ive mentioned it to him but Im sure he could care less and probably thinks Im jealous. He is not detailed oriented, nor he's used to having a little baby around, so as long as Iittle baby doesnt and still needs xtra care of mama he'll stay with me and he can visit at home, but wont take him away.<br />
This guy has sooo much freedom as what to do with the oldest, and not to mention he gets him EVERY weekend and one day during the week. I think that's wrong. I think he should get him every other weekend, but he accused me of trying to keep him away from the kids and of course calls me all kinds of names. Even if he gets some kinda help from me. <br />
I have thought about finding a place to go for therapy because there was violence and emotional abuse for quite a while. Only the last year was sort of ok, but still a thing or two broken around the house.....Its a long story

When you mention every weekend, do you mean both saturday and Sunday? If do, then it is not right. You will need to spend a day with your kid too. So you should put your foot down on this.
My ex gets to spend every sat with my son which is fine with me as I do cherish a day off to do my own stuff.
If you are coping well mentally and emotionally , then I think a therapy may not be necessary. But then again, it doesn't hurt to give it a go :)

Much as I think that your ex is really a lousy guy, I think that we as mothers should not deny a child of his/her dad's love. Especially for a boy where a father figure is v important. Having said that, am also concerned about what sort of role model your ex is as a dad.<br />
Maybe you can consider letting him have access to your son but regularly check with your son of what they do or say so as to keep tab of whether his dad is teaching him the right values.