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How Do You Get Over The Hurt?

My husband and I have been married for 19 years. I found out 3 months ago that he was cheating on me. I decided to stay, but I am having the hardest time. He is sorry for what he did to me and has cut all ties with the other woman. I just can't seem to get over it. I try, but nothing works. I can't sleep. Laying down at night is the hardest part. EVERYTHING I have found out runs thru my head. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I love him with all my heart, but I don't know if I can keep living like this. I feel like a fake everyday when I put a smile on and act like everything is fine. Does anyone know how you get past the hurt they have caused? I always thought he was the one man who would never hurt me and now I know the truth. He has hurt me more than anyone ever has. I feel like I will never be happy again. I am too hurt and ashamed to tell anyone what he has done, so I have no one to talk to. I thought after 3 months things would be better, but I almost think at times I feel worse.
wcooksey wcooksey 36-40 72 Responses May 29, 2012

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I'm going through the same thing & I. hate it I don't trust her no. More I never will

my case is worse than yours, I am bitted everyday, he even pour hot tea on me, i don't know what to do, before he really used to love me but i am use he doesn't anymore, i am scared to tell my dad because he was soo against it at mariage, i have no else to go, and am just sad and crying everytime

I'm. So sorry to hear that please hang in there this too should pass

I have recently found out my boyfriend (of 2 yrs) cheated on me while I was on a business trip (july 2014) with one of hist "best friends". He had known this girl for 10 years prior to knowing me and he had been single for 7 of those 10 years. In all those 7 years she never tried to have a relationship with him other than being friends. She would tell him about all of her sexual exploits with other men and run to him for comfort and emotional support when she got dumped. This woman is irresponsible to say the least. She is quick to sleep with men she meet and is then surprised that they dump her quickly. She worked at a university where she slept with a student and got fired. After my BF suffered a the loss of a very important family member he started talking to her again and out of the blue she started to tell him that she hated seeing him with me. That it should have been her standing beside him at the funeral and not me. I was aware of this friend of his and had warned him many times about her. But he didn't listen and continued to talk to her via facebook and messages. I had asked him to limit the contact with this girl since she had once a long time ago when he was with his ex tried to seduce him when he was at her place for a visit. Back then we was strong enough to resist her. As soon as he had told me this (about 6 months in our rel.ship) I told him that this girl is dangerous to have around since she obviously does not respect relationships. I asked him to stop talking to her. He lied to me and said he stopped but he didn't. She would continually ask him for help with her computer and he would lie to me to go help her. Then it started to get physical as she would sometimes kiss him when he was at her mothers place, since she lived with her mother. She also touched his private parts one time and went as far as to take out his member and played with it. Then july of this year I went on a business trip and he went over to her place to help her with something. Then he needed to grab his hard disk he had left at the appartment we shared and she told him she would go with him since she wanted to tell him something. When they were in our apartment she made her way into the bedroom and layed on the bed my BF and I share as she had wanted to watch a movie (our TV was in the room). They started watching the movie but soon after my boyfriend could no longer resist and he started to touch her. They had sex that whole night. In our bed with my pictures all over the place. She spend the night in my bed and in the morning he dropped her home before he went to work. Surely some of my neighbours must have seen him. After I came back there were issues with our landlord and he said he wanted to move. So we did. Two weeks ago I found out about this whole thing because I noticed that he was still talking to the girl, because she liked a picture of his on FB (I had asked him to unfriend and block her) I send her a message saying that she should stop talking to him and get a life (at this point I still did not know about the affair). After the girl proved to me that he was still talking to her by mentioning things that had happend very recently like the passing of my grandfather and a date we went on just two days before. I confronted him about it. He admitted to still talking to the girl and when I had asked him if he had cheated on me he denied it. The day after the girl went to his place and cursed him out giving him an ultimatum to choose me or her. He chose me and came home and confessed all that I just wrote. I am devestated, I am still with him but I don't see it being that way much longer. There is just so much hurt and I wasn't even gone for 2 days before he cheated. It took him almost getting caught (his mistress had threatened to tell me) for him to come clean. I hate him now and I am just broken. He was cheated on with his ex so he knows how that can destroy you. I am unsure of what to do.

I am where you are. My husband of 16 years did the same thing and I confronted him almost 7 months ago. I thought I still loved him but as time goes by I am not sure how I feel. The trust and confidence I had is GONE and is never coming back. Not only is it the 3 years of cheating but also the lying, the deceit, the anger he displayed toward me, and the fact he tried blaming it on me. Yes I wasn't perfect but this does not justify cheating-nothing does. The wonderful thoughts and feelings I had are gone. He may as well have died that day because I don't know the person I am living with-I just know he is a liar and extremely self centered. I have decided to get a divorce now. My fears and feelings are overwhelming and I can't forgive or forget. I cannot start over with this "new" man. It is better to be alone than to have someone that can never change the past. He is still a liar and a cheat as far as I am concerned. He says all of the things he thinks he needs to just to keep but he has said it all before. This type of man is not worth the pain and agony because of his actions. Can you believe he says he really loved me the whole time? I told him I didn't believe and didn't want that kind of love.

Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

I lost my whole life a couple days after my 32nd birthday. I was in a relationship with a girl i loved for 4 years. We had some moments where we had giant issues (abortion) and I was there for her and took care of her. I will admit however, that I was verbally abusive towards her (about 2 years in) as she did not want to do anything except go home and sit on the couch and watch netflix and tv. If she did not want to talk even though problems were evident, we did not talk. She basically had control of all our interactions but I love her (i still do). Earlier this year she started having trouble at her job and became worried she would be fired. I had been telling her for 2 years she needed to prepare for something like this as her job was causing her to be very tired and have nothing at all for me. I told her she would need to have to find somewhere else to live ( i shouldnt have done this) if she lost her job and I think that is when I lost her. But she literally had nothing for me emotionally or sexually, I just thought this was a phase and it would pass (we had gone through short periods before where we would still talk but you could tell there was some unhappiness). She was on a business trip and was being very sporadic with the calling saying her phone's reception was bad in that area (northeastern US). I had enough one night after she called me and said she would call back and she turned her phone off. After she came home about 2 weeks later I asked for her phone to recover all the deleted messages and found she was having a relationship with a co-worker (her subordinate) but ended it after 2 weeks. Although it didn't say they had sex but were kissing at work and exchanging texts, she admitted they had sex once on that trip (yeah right). I still love her to death. I feel my reaction to our problems pushed her right into his crotch but even though I acted like an ******* and called her terrible stuff she did not try to fix anything with me before/during all this. As our problems increased her level of intimacy or being with me was non existent. I ordered flowers for her to work, i bought anything and everything we needed (im not rich i loved her so much). She told me when she hired him that he flirted with her jokingly and I paid no attention to it. The guy even got married to his wife on November 8th a couple weeks ago. He must be smooth. She wants to get back together and say it will never happen again but I don't know what to do. I feel tremendous love for her, but I also realize I was replaced as she was asking the guy to tell her that he loved her and when he wouldn't reciprocate that she knew it was a fling and she cut it off and told him not to contact her. I honestly would have rather it been a fling than this emotional stuff. I would just like to say I am not a perfect person and I accept my faults and bad decisions. But i do not feel like a man or a human being as I put myself out there to be broken and was in a relationship that had problems. I dont know what to do and I feel very bad about myself. I had to leave our home, lose my dog, and I am living at my parents house (they arent there.. blessing or curse?). The only feeling I have is I want to go home, but home is not there anymore and might have never existed in the first place. I feel like the best parts of me mean nothing and I have lost the meaning to my life. Maybe someone has an idea that could change the way I feel... it seems impossible..

My marriage has been on the rock for over a year now. I love my husband and really hoped and prayed that the marriage would work. We have been married for over 20 years - well on 10/22 I decided to follow him from work and all of my suspicions were confirmed. He trailed a secretary from work to her home. Even though I was behind him almost the entire time in my sister's car, he never noticed. I knocked on the daughter and asked the lady why my husband of almost 21 years was at her home. She said it was to cut her grass - a blantant lie. I made him get his things and get out. The truth is for a long time now he has not given me the love that I so deserved. It's so hard for me, my emotions are all over the place, one minute I'm crying, then I'm okay, the next meeting I'm filled with hate and would really like to go and do something bad to him - I know God has something better in store for me but the pain, the hurt, the betrayal are overwhelming me.

Exactly where I am now - I had to double check the name just to make sure I hadn't written this in my blurred state. You are carbon copy to my story

I am on this site because I have cheated. I am trying to better understand the perspective of my girlfriend whom I hurt so that I can better address her needs & assure her that everything will be ok. It happened about 3 months ago. I was on a bachelor party in Vegas, had several several drinks, and ended up kissing another girl at the bar. I suddenly snapped into it and realized what I was doing and went up to bed, but the damage was done. When I got back home, I told my girlfriend about everything to come clean (it took a bit for me to finally divulge all of the details. I was so ashamed I couldn't let everything out all at once), and she was extremely upset. She had been cheated on by two prior serious boyfriends and still has scars from them as well. It has been 3 months & she still cannot understand how I could have done that to her, especially since I've known about her past. I myself don't know how I could have done that either. I love my girlfriend very much, but just got caught in a bad situation that I never should have been in. Every day, I am remorseful for what I've done and want to gain her trust back, but she just can't seem to get over the pain. What can I be doing to show her I love her & that she can trust me? Is it possible to get our love back?

I would be really interested in talking with you. Our stories are very similar, but I was the one cheated on. I'm not sure of the answers to your questions though, I am trying to figure it out myself.

It's been 6 months n I still feel exactly as u do word for word. Most people know around us though n I go to counseling for it.
To me It validates my feelings. But the pain is still the same. I don't know what to do. We struggle with our realationship every day because of this.

i feel for you and your pain as i to have just gone through the same thing, and feel that i will never be the same again cant sleep, cant eat think i will never stop crying , i love him to bits but cant understand how he could ever have done this to me and broke my heart , did he never think how it would all ever end .

It happend to me as well. After 6 months I still cry everyday. N we struggle everyday to recover our relationship.

My husband and I have been together for about five years. last month we got into an argument because i caught him cheating, i was heartbroken and i used to love him with all my heart, I was about to leave and asked him what’s on his agenda and he just ignored me. I got mad and cursed him out and left. He said that I am jealous and insecure which is a recurring theme in our arguments. i tried everything to repair our relationship but nothing came alright, luckily enough i was browsing on the internet and i saw testimony of clients who talked about Mr Robinson buckler and also i saw his email address robinsonbuckler@yahoo.com, i thought may be its also one of the scamming spell caster, but my heart was restless until i contacted him and i used his spell and it worked so nice, his spell made my husband to take me back as his wife, it also made my husband to love me more, anyone who want his or her lover back should contact robinsonbuckler or call him +19715126745 him

It's been quite awhile since I wrote this message. Since then things have changed for the better. I left my husband after 20 years and got a divorce. I have met a wonderful man who I love very much. My life is 100 times better and everything worked out for the best. So for anyone going thru what I went thru. Follow your heart and do what is best for you. I can honestly say I tried to save my marriage. After catching him yet again I had to leave. That was the right answer for me. Yes I was scared and to top it off I lost my job a couple of months after I left. So I truly had to start all over. Best part is ... Everything was fine and I made it. I did not rush to date or meet anyone. In fact the man I'm with is the only guy I have gone out with. He treats me great and I'm very happy. Life can turn upside down on you but it doesn't last forever. Tough times never last ... Tough people do. <3

Me and my boyfriend have been together for two and a half years. During the first six months I found out from another girl that he had been with her a lot and don't many things behind my back with her. I confronted him and he continues to lie about it until I got evidence on his phone of her and he finally fessed up with some of the truth he never would agree to everything being true... That was six months ago... Since then every single day I would tell him "don't lie it's okay to tell the truth even if it's bad I just can't take the stress of you doing it behind my back" every single day I told him that. Every single day he would tell me, no I never do that, no I don't even talk to anyone, no no no. Every single day he deleted everything, lied to my face, and broke hundreds of promises. It is impossible to trust him. It is impossible to believe him, it hurts to know how much he had lied to me... How it never phased him and still doesn't. It just seems so heartless and now I'm so broken and I don't know how I could ever trust anyone ever again. The extent of his lies are unbelievable I have never heard a case as far as this before

First of all I just want to say how sorry I am for what you are going through. I went through a similar experience, my boyfriend for over a year, who is now my ex cheated on me during our whole time together. He cheated on me with his ex lover and girl's he had met online. It broke my heart finding out, and even now the pain is still there, every day, every minute with him was walking on egg shells, he gave my love to other women. I know every single emotion you are feeling, you are hurting, confused and broken beyond words. Each time I confronted him, he would lie to my face and start making me feel bad, when I would cry he would do nothing, I even found pics of his lover and the emails he was getting from dating websites. He was more than two-timing me, he was a serial cheater. I loved this man beyond words, I went against my family and friends when I started dating him and he replied my love with cheating and abusing my trust. I told him, to never abuse love, there is only so much a person can stand. He pushed me to the last straw, when he gloated about his cheating (finally after asking him), these were his exact words 'I am going to f*** my ex gf'. The minute he said, that I dumped him. There is only so much a person can bear. I was heartbroken and bitter with him, life and everything in it. I hated him with a passion and went into depression, I could not sleep, eat or think, my life felt like a bad nightmare, the man I once loved and gave my heart, kindness and soul had betrayed me to that level. After ending the relationship, I struggled to get myself up, I would spend days crying and being hurt. Even now, the pain is still there, but through great family and friends I am learning to love again :). There is life after pain, and you know what karma always delivers justice, my ex lost his job, car and he lost weight :). I sound bad lol but I am glad because he put me through hell, I have now moved on and I am blessed with a lovely, honest and kind man :), but I had to learn to love again and move on, it took me time, even now I am working on it :), I am doing hobbies and interests I love, I joined zumba, volunteering, book club, after the break up just to get myself. I even started praying and being optimistic, I realized he was the problem and not me, it was never me, it was him,. He cheated because he wanted to, he had a choice and he chose to cheat. Now I smile because I am loved by a great guy, and my ex is suffering moving from one to the next, to the next and yet he is miserable. Trust me, it hurts now but give yourself time :), and know this be with someone who makes you their priority and not an option :). GOOD LUCK AND KEEP YOUR HEAD UP :)

It's only been 42 days since I found out my girlfriend of 7 yrs cheated and it feels like yesterday. Everyday feels like the day you found out. The pain I've experienced trying to stay with her and the kids is overwhelming. Cry in the morning, night, and afternoon. How will I ever trust her? I think she is with him now, while I'm at work for our family

I'm so Sorry to hear your pain. It's been 6 months for me n the pain is still the same. Wish I could tell u Diffrent. The feeling is just so profound I'm not sure I could ever get past this.
Let us know what has happend. Me n my partner r still trying to recover our relationship every day.

My heart goes out to all of you!
I found out on our 9th anniversary after an intense night of passion with my wife that she had been cheating with a so called good close friend of ours. They had been lying to me for over six months but even though I knew there wAs something not quite right, I never expected the slap in the face from the woman I adore and cherish. After four months of her trying to tell me she only wants me, she still lies to me and lies to cover lies. The story keeps changing and I cannot stop thinking the worst of her. I don't know if we will ever b the same but we have three awesome kids that love us both and I can't abandon them for my own pursuit of happiness. Right now I want to hate my wife but I just love her too much and I can't seem to stop 😪

My friend. I hope you feel better now! I experienced the exact same situation but with me I found out 2 years after and when they had already stopped the physical affair but kept it on the virtual… I was in France celebrating our 10th anniversary and one night, after we went out, when back to the hotel I went to fix her phone which was very slow… boom! found those sexy photos she had sent me on whatsapp right there on her photo stream… but surprisingly his photos were just there as well… side by side with her photos! The same photos she had sent to me...
My life since then was never the same and in fact, besides to the therapist, this is the 1st time I say or right about that to other people. I still feel like **** and often think the worst of her… mainly because we were "the perfect couple" for all of our friends… including the SOB of my "friend" who decided to invest in my wife…. I still want to kill him!
I know I'm much better now than I was before but my BIG question is… do you know any man who is now happy with his wife after a situation like that? I mean truly happy?
I know friends who got divorced after the fact and are now happy but would love to know about the ones who decided to stay… Just to make sure I'm not wasting my time!!!
After I found out… I have done some pretty crazy stuff and went through stages of rage, jealousy and deep deep excruciating pain… the pain is less now but still come in waves some times…
My wife says she regrets everything, she did all she could to gain me back… including researches and subscribing to somywifecheated.com to understand what I was/am going through. Later, she stopped doing the same and constantly shows she doesn't understand why I'm still hurt!!!
Anyways… you are not alone! I feel your pain too and hope you are better.
I try everyday to be positive and keep busy to stop the thinking but sometimes it is just too much…
hope we'll all survive it and maybe help other people in the future not only to go through this but also to avoid it to happen...

Forgot to mention… it has been 1 year and 2mo since I found out...

It's been three years and I can't shake this feeling. I question EVERYTHING he does. Am I crazy?? He keeps telling me to get over it and he keeps reassuring me that he hasn't and won't ever do it again. I'm wondering if it would just be better if I left?

I know! How long you've been trying to shake it away?

1 More Response

I'm 5 months post DDay and it still hurts and this was after a ONS not an extended affair. From what I have read, it can take 2-3 years. I still question if this is something that can be forgiven.

6 months n still just as painful. :(

Im living that same nightmare. I renember telling coworkers my husband loved me so much no woman would catch his eye... Stupid! Hes lied, cheated, without me even suspecting, for 8 yrs... Im not stupid, how could i have been so blind?

All the red flags i pushed aside all yhe inconsistencies i ignored all the duh! Moments! Thats whats so hard... Realising you dont know ths person, and then youve been so wrong.

I know how you feel

Let me tell you what and this is going to hurt but once a cheater always a cheater.. Married for 30 years and after 30 years i still have one that cheats on me... So i think i am at the end and will get out of here.. I tried to cheat for revenge a few years ago and it does not work if you have any values at all in your heart.. So do not go there just get out and find someone that will never cheat nor lie to you. I have about come to the conclusion that women can not be trusted altho i know in your case it is men but there are still a few that can be trusted i guess.
Get out now because it will happen again and again... I know i have been there..

I just wanted to let you know .... It did happen again and I did get out. You were so right. I'm divorced now and with a wonderful man. For all the BS I put up with ... I'm living a great life now. I hope you are doing just as well.

Not true not everyone who cheats is going to cheat again. some people actually feel like a complete piece of **** and they feel bad for as long as they can remember cuase they'll always know what they did wrong an how much they hurt the one they love the most. but some poeple are just sick evil people who don't care.

I am so there with you. My husband cheated on me with my baby sister! Its such a complicated mess. I'm fine for a while but it keeps returning like a nightmare!

It does! I think hey its ok then ill see something pr find a phone number or hes late and bam there ya go

Right?! That's how i've been. I feel ok for the most part and then it creeps back and i feel like a crazy lady when I question him or bring it up again. He makes me feel so stupid!! UGh it's been three years and i can't get over it!

I don't know ehether you read my stroy - but I know exaytly how you feel, and in this point in time it is more than normwal to feel like this. But throught the time situation will change, one way or another. I had been in such triangel for 1,5 years, and this was the worse time of my life. Still I was not the one who gave up, I was just too frighteen to do that. And now, suprisingly, I'm just fine - I have new life and I'm satisfied with it. But yes, it still sometimess somes back to me, feelings of losing that was important to me for 20 years.

So, take care, I konw it hurts like heel, but belive me, slowly it will go away. In a strange way I even got the feeling that all this pain made me stronger and to certain degree I'm even proud of myself.

Take care.

Thanks for sharing. My wife of 23 years cheated on me with multiple men. Some through text (sexting) and one of them meeting for sex 2 times. It's been a year now. She was so remorseful and broken over the whole thing. I had to forgive her because I love her. I put her on a pedestal. Well, that has been shattered. It does get easier and I am learning to trust again but I still have bad days where I get very angry. Anyway, I have walked through this whole thing alone with no one to talk to. That's why I joined this site.... To be able to connect and hear of others in the same situations. I walked around numb for 6 month or more.... Still learning to trust....

I feel your pain!!! I am 4 and a half months pregnant and I just found out my husband of 10 years has been having an affair with a co worker for the past two months. I think the timing couldn't be worse i want to fight smoke a cigarette and have a stiff drink and because I'm preggers I can't do either one of those things. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare and I can't wake up from it!! To top it off I found all this out on valentines day which was only 3weeks away from our tenth anniversary. I love my husband to death and I truly believe he's sorry but I just don't know what to do with all the anger hurt and disappointment.

I had to respond to you. I'm 3 months pregnant and my husband of 11 years cheated on me 3 different occasions. The last one was only a week ago and with a colleague. I feel like drinking bottles of wine and hoping that would make me sleep. We have done so many things together and I thought we truly loved each other. Now he is so depressed as he might lose me. If I was not pregnant, I would leave him but a baby is on the way and I'm not so sure. I won't be able to trust him again, that's for sure.

I can say I've been on both sides of this situation. I've cheated and been cheated on and I'm not talking about 5 month relationships they were 10 years and 5 years and I can say that when I cheated I didn't wake up one day and say oh I guess today I'm gonna screw over my husband an go mess around. It was never that simple an it certainly was never that easy. I had spent years with 0 physical contact and he thought by us just being married meant if I didn't like something then I should just sit there and deal with it cause I was married. Wrong. Nobody and I mean nobody that has an option is gonna b treated like that and they shouldn't have to and that's why people sometimes cheat ( it doesn't make it right it just might explain it a little bit) now on the other hand I was also cheated on and it took my breath away and I stil hurt from it and I realized that I had taken advantage of my relationship. I had assumed he would always b there and I could treat him anyway I wanted cause I didn't treat him the way I once did. I wasn't as nice and I didn't want to have sex like we did when we first met and I was always busy or grumpy or had something to do and I can't tell u the last time I asked him how he felt and truly cared or the last time I thought of his needs and just his. I believe these are a lot of the reasons he found someone else and the same reasons I had found someone else, I'm not saying that this goes for anyone else but I stop an think about what I thought my relationship was and I realized that what I thought it was and what he thought it was were 2 different things and blaming him or me wasn't gonna change anything. The only thing to do was to make sure that I try to do things better the next time around and I hope all of u out there find happiness and a way to b happy even though uve had hard times

My husband and I have been together for 17 years and this came as a complete shock to me.
I am YOU only 3 years out. I want to say things get better but that really depends on the how much your partner wants to help you heal. My husband doesn't seem to get it. I've explained on a kindergarten level how trust is earned but, well.......anyway. If your partner doesn't have sincerity when they talk about it or doesn't really feel your pain, they probably never will. If they really want to get to the bottom of why they hurt you and are willing to change their everyday behavior to earn your trust back maybe there's hope.
Just know that I'm just like you. I've cried my eyes out alone many nights wondering how this happened. I've been sitting on the toilet and thought "Oh my God, this really happened to me". I've wondered just how much I'm willing to take for my child. I've wondered if he ever "really" loved me.
I figure, in the end, I'll know when enoughs enough or I'm in it for the long haul. It's a threshold only each individual will know they've reached. And only you can decide if staying is what's best for you.
I only wish the best for you. I know this sucks beyond belief. But, just remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

My ex ran off with my best friend. Getting over that was extremely hard. I will not forgive him but I did forgive my friend. It's not the same, but we talk weekly usually. That took 3 years to achieve.

I understand I just found out my husband cheated on me to we have been toghether for 10 years and his mistress hung out with me and around my children so disgusting. I forgave him but its hard to get the thoughts out of your head. Im sorry this happened to you it a horrible feeling.

W

Your story mirrors my own. My husband of 23 years cheated on me for three years before I found out. We've spent the past year trying to work through the anger, pain, fear, anxiety, and anguish. I also have no one to talk to about what happened. I didn't in march of 2012 when I found out and I still don't. I see by the date of the post that its been a year for you too. I still struggle with my pain every day - I have a feeling that I always will. If you're like me, you're not quite ready to leave but you know deep in your heart that you'll never, ever trust him again. You can't afford to let yourself be that emotionally vulnerable again. He's ruined it for everyone - himself and for anyone you may become involved with if you choose to start over.

I hope this post finds you well. Good luck to us all.

I do not think time will heal you, unless you do the work and work out the issues. Does he know you feel this way? You need to speak to someone. And with that I mean, a therapist, church pastor, your husband or anyone who you trust and can express your feelings to. It is a very hard experience, but unless you sort your feelings, it will never pass. He failed, why should you be trapped in a mental hell, while he is at peace?. I wish you luck. I know it is a roller coaster.

Unfortunately there are only 2 true options: You accept it and stay with him, or you move on and try to heal yourself. It appears as though you have already answered this yourself.

All the best to you. I have been in the same situation, I was the cheatie, too!

I just dont see how some people could be so selfish. When you get married you cant just think about you and your feelings. You have to think about how your actions effect other people. You have to begin with the end in mind and stop thinking about the moment. If more people thought about the end result I believe less people would cheat. I have shed so many tears as a result of someone elses indiscretions. Now I am expected to move on swallow my pride and be right by his side. It is so unfair. I have to consider everyone who is involved but he did not when he did his dirt with that woman. Someone say a prayer for me Im having a hard time.

I really think you need therapy. It helped me tremedously. I will still attend, so I may sort out all my issues. This is a hard situation to go through.My advise is that You need to dig inside and determine what is what you really want to do. Life is too short, to be in constant pain. the past cannot be changed, but maybe the future can be better. You are a victim for as long as you chose to be.

I have just went through the same thing. I have been with my husband for 18 years and married for 8. We have 4 beautiful children and alot of wonderful years together until recently. I found out 4 days before Christmas that my husband had been cheating with a co-worker. He claims to only have slept with her once but he carried on a inappropriate relationship for about a year. They would email, text and talk on the phone inappropriately. He said he broke it off because he did not ever want me to find out. But I did and now I feel like Im dying slowly each day. I am sick when I think about him being with her. I thought things were really good between us. We were always so in love so I thought. Now all he can say is that temptation got the best of him and he is sorry. He clams it wont happen again but I dont believe him. He begs me to give him a chance to prove himself. I really need some feedback, I dont break up my family but when he tries to kiss or touch me I get sick to my stomache knowing he kissed her. I so sad all of the time and I cry everyday. I love him so much but I am so hurt and disgusted. He says she meant nothing and it was just a sexual encounter. No love with no feelings... I feel like if he loved and adored me as much as he professes he would not have let this happen. I am so consumed by it l that I cant remember stop thinking about it. I need help.

omg! You totally just explained my feelings. I had a doting husband who, to the outside world, worshiped me. I can't stand to see him It sickens me if he touches me. We also have 4 kids, and I can't stand to see them hurt. Not to mention my religious beliefs

you have completely described me. Its 4 months since I found out my husband of 20+ years cheated on me. A lead on of inappropriate mostly mobile device behaviour ending with what he says was one sexual encounter. Says he regretted it soon after it happened. But like you, he maintained text intimacy and picture exchanges after that but says he has put it all behind him. He has the temerity of telling me that we should go on together and that it is a matter of trust. It is something I cannot understand since he cheated on me when I did trust him and totally. I feel sick in my stomach... worse when I imagine him being intimate with me. I just feel as if things have irreparably changed between us, our laughter and joy can only be a falsehood. I am still thinking what the best thing to proceed to might be, but there are so many complications. One of them is that I feel he needs me.... or in other words I provide him with a stable arrangement from which he launches to carry out his daily activities including jaunty relaxation... Why do I want to protect him? Both families just see him as perfect. I feel alone. It is raining inside me. He destroyed my forever. I do not know how to reset my internal button, how to create a fresh forever. Chammono

Just today i found out that my husband of 16years had been going to stripclubs and spending thousands of rands on escorts for the past 15years i always knew i guess but never wanted to fully deal with it i was that teenager married at 20 with a baby and alot of baggage but stayed even though he didn't come home most the time i sacrificed so he could further his studies and climb the ladder.I googled these clubs for the first time today i am devastated im so hurt i find that i can't sleep tonight we have always had issues of cheating he cheated three times on me some were my family members but i believed the lies every time and so much wanted to believe he loves me because we met when i was just 16years old now know better.I have three kids and have decided to stay for their comfort also i have never worked and am struggling now to get a job if i only had an income i think things would have been easier for me but Issiah 49vr 23 keeps me going i feel like all i have left is God and in him i put my faith.Afterall in Job 34vrs 18 God promises that no one who waits for his help will be dissapointed.

I'm doing my best to deal . We have Been together 22 years. We have traveled a hard road. Took a while to get it out of what was going on. Still I know he has more lies hiding in that head of his. I talked to her too. She claimed they were only friends. But in the next breath she proclaimed love for him. She even tried to down play it.4231 text messages in one month. Phone calls for hours on end while I was at work. She works formthe same company,different state. they will end up losing theirnjobsmifmit is ever found out.He says he cut ties. I have found an email account with exchanges between them.it has since been changed. He also changed his pass close on his tablet.m At night I am up pacing, snooping and just so sad. I know I can't stay. It hurts so much. My kids know something is happening. How do you tell them that the man who they worship is a liar and cheater? This all just happend on new year's. she drove here from Illinois. About 3 days to get here. I thought at first it was an emotional affair and it will fizzle. He swears he wants to work it out and fix this. I know it can't happen if there is lies and secrecy.

It's nearly been a year since I found out and to be honest it doesn't get any better for me, still think about it daily!

First few weeks the only thing that has worked for me is repression of the details and lots of alcohol. Yes, I know that sounds counter-productive, and I am also a psychologist, but sometimes the only thing to dull the pain (and to stop your thoughts!!) is a good dose of denial momentarily to keep yourself from hurting someone, and drinking (because there was NO way I could sleep after I found out, or eat!). It has been almost a month for me...my anger is less, haven't cried in a few weeks and we're working on it. Every now and again I still have the urge to punch him in the crotch however :)

this is how I felt the first 2 weeks.
And yeah, I want to kick his *** too. I have had some happy moments after that. Somehow, now we are talking, making each other aware of our feelings, and the pressure is gone. But, in the back of my mind, I wonder if i will be able to live with this long term. And the details from the affair just make me sick.

My story is bit different - but still you might want to read it. 3 yars ago I would be pleased to be in your choes. For me that would be easier option, at least from that perspective. And it needs time to heal - years and years.....

It truly hurts, and in time you will heal, I know I've been there, there is someone who can truly help you heal, have peace and joy again in your life, and thats GOD he loves us and is always there to lift us up in these moments. I know its hard if you decide to stay with your spouse and you cant to it alone, so everyday, every moment talk to GOD he knows what we are going threw and knows how much we can handle, he is our everything , he loves us and wants us to be happy.the lord has a plan for each and every one of us. Most of all pray for your cheating spouse , ask GOD to touch his heart ,pray for his salvation leave him in GODS hands. JUST REMEMBER GOD IS YOUR LOVE , YOUR FRIEND, AND HE NEVER STOPS LOVING US, AND IS ALWAYS THERE WHEN WE NEED HIM. GOD BLESS MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU.

I too am in a similar situation and I have tried to put anger behind me and try to get our marriage back to a better place. I still spend my life being suspicious of everything she does and I have driven my self insane over it. I just can't leave right now.
I have want to cheat with someone to get back at her, but then what!!
Trying to get past it is the hardest thing. hang in there!1

My husband cheated, moved her into one of our properties, cleaned out our savings account and now wants the children to visit. I don't know how to move on. I can't make it to a red light without crying. This has consumed me. There is no way to leave it behind. My heart is broken, it doesn't feel like it will ever heal.

my husband must be his twin, he keeps swearing he never touched her, she is lying but yet once again i found her number saved in his phone under someone elses name. yes it is not right for me to go through his phone but how will i ever know what is going on? i feel so stupid. i have been crying over this same affair for over 6 years now and i just dont trust him, i feel so stupid...............

hello, well i cheated on my boyfriend of 10 years in febuary 2012. for the first time ever. Guess i have no reason, just kinda gave in. I was asked if i slept with this person by my bf and i answered honestly (thats just how we work). He was mad but then told me that he slept with 14 other women for a peroid of 3 years, but it ended in 2009 when he reolized he was done f***ing around and wanted the real thing. Im going to skip the details but i dont regret what i did. In a wierd twisted way he was honest to me and brought us together closer even though im acting in the same ways u r with the coping and the hurt. The problem for me is that he slept with my fathers girlfriend multiple times, and i cannot go to my dads without feeling awkward. My dads gf has no idea i know. I lived there for a few months recently and said f*** this and moved to my mothers. We r still together but financially barely keeping our heads above water. thankfull my mom allowed us to come but i would rather b at my dads, thats not ganna happen. Anyway, i can forgive him for hurting me but not the action. Atleast not with her. I luv him to death but its been 7 months and its better but still so damn depressing. I think we will try living apart and playing the rol of bf and gf with dating one another for a month n c how that helps with healing and time alone to relfect on what we really want. Ive read the books, blogs, websites on how to forgive n move on, and it seems like ive done all they say to do accept this new bf, gf starting over slowly thing. If we love each other, well try it and see if the spark comes back alive. Sure im know my pain will never totally subside, but it can get weaker and my "wall" has to come down, just slowly. even if things dont work out, the "wall" has to come down. The hurt will never never never go away, but will weaken and become part of the grey in your mind popping up every seldom to remind you that it didnt go away totally. things will get better, but the wall needs to come down. mines been up for years and it so strong i havne a clue if this ***** is even "takedownable". IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, YOUR #1, YOUR SMART AND BEAUTIFUL, AND ALWAYS BETTER THAN THE OTHERS. NEVER STOP TELLING YOURSELF THAT, EVER. YOU GOT IT AND YOU KNOW IT. KEEP THAT PRETTY LITTLE CHIN UP.

in short, in order to get over the hurt and stay or move on you should 1) love yourself everyday, 2) be yourself, even if he doesn't like it, u r u, and thats y he married u in the first place, and if you dont work things out 3) you only get one life, so being scared or alone is going to be part of it, embrace it and have fun with it, you never know what kind of new experiences you may encounter, and 4) lastly, dont dwell on it, cant move on if you keep thinking about it.

This is awesome, this is like what my girlfriends are trying to teach me. But I dunno how to cheat on him back, I just don't have that bone in me. I don't feel right. I wish I could and make him cry the way he made me, because any little thing would. I just want him to feel the hurt he made me felt, but nothing really could unless if I cheated on him. So I dunno... good job with what you wrote. It's helpful.

Your situation is so similar to mine. I found out after 12 years my husband has been having an affair with a family friend. I didnt keep it to myself I told everyone as I wanted to humiliate him and hurt him. I thought I could just chuck him out but I found I couldn't (we have children). He has cut all ties with the woman too and says he will never do anything again but like you I cry every day, dont trust him and also feel I will never be happy again. I was always one to say if ever i was cheated on that would be it, but its so hard. I never thought he was the type to do it and I feel like I have lost my best friend.<br />
I have had counselling and been on antidipressants but nothing has worked. I'm hoping in time I will feel better as when I first found out I was suicidal, couldn't eat sleep or function at all and things have got better since then but I still have all the awful thoughts of what he has actually done going through my mind every day. You have nothing to be ashamed of and if you have a good friend or family member you should confide in them. I dont know how you have coped alone! I hope you find happiness whatever you do.

Don't be suicidal please :( Men are just men, ******* ********. You should try and do the same back to him and make him feel the same way you did. Then you guys will be even and he might even be scared to ever screw you over like that again.

Just hang in there....

@ wcooksey - I totally understand what you are going though because you wrote my story. I admire you for staying and trying to work it out. Instead of thinking about the horrible deeds that he has done, think about the times that he made you feel good and the love you share. If you going to work it out and you both are committed to each other to pick up the broken pieces then give it your all. However, if you find yourself falling back into being a detective move don't drive yourself crazy. There is life after divorce. Be happy and stay prayerful.<br />
<br />
Good luck!

Been 8 months since his affair ended; he ended. Have to say he promised to end it in 2008, and again in 2010, and 2011. Now he expects me to treat it like it never happened, and trust should be instantaneously and miraculously fully there. Being betrayed by the one person who was supposed to never hurt you, really bites the big one. I don't feel as bad as i did, don't feel insane any more, but won't ever feel the same again either.

That is so true! They don't realize just how they broke us. I actually felt bad last Friday... He ask if I hated him and I said "kinda". I don't truly hate him - I hate what he has done to us and how it will never be the same. I too am doing better than I was when I wrote this, but I still have good days and bad days.

Not only do they not realize the devastation they brought about, they do not accept the responsibility for it. I saw my cardiologist one day, kinda lost it-he was asking some questions, i said "yes, my heart is broken, but not in any way that you can fix." Do I get that slide show that runs? you bet. But just like any horror movie, the shock dulls a little each and every time. But do I dream and wish for someone who would truly love me and honor me? you betcha. But I continue to try to move forward with my husband, and am making strides, my self esteem is returning, and am having some success with getting him to listen to how much pain I feel, and how his betrayal is behind a lot of it. Sometimes I think this life is a "payback" life, how i must have really been loved in a past life and really screwed them over; am paying for it in this life. Sometimes the damage done seems so overwhelming; that just the idea of recovery is fantasy time.

It will get easier but it will never get better. It has been 11 years since I found out and all the promises he made 11 years ago were broken in time. I can't say if he has ever cheated on me physically again but I do know that he finds ways around what he assumes I would be upset with ... as example I hated the fact that he did stuff in front of ****, so now he thinks that by checking out the girls on Plenty of Fish.com means he is not looking at **** so I should be ok with that

if you are uncomfortable with something your spouse is doing, they should show consideration and NOT do it.

Hello, and I was reading your post and I had to look up to see If I had written it. WOW that is exactly what Im trying to deal with. I want to talk to you can you message me. Plus I have not figured out how to get over it either it constantly hurts

First, let me say that your response is entirely normal. You have been betrayed, and this causes grief. There are several steps to moving beyond this grief, google "steps of grief". Seeing a counselor, and getting some sleep meds will help, as sleep deprivation doesn't help your thought processes; and can actually contribute to depression. If he isn't supporting you, counseling will help YOU.

Wow! There are alot of us out there!<br />
Am in exact same position as you, my hubby had an affair with a work colleague for 8 months, he ended it, this was 2 yrs ago but I have only recently found out, he cant understand me as was a while for him, some days I love him to<br />
Pieces and want it to work, other days I hate him so much and want to punch him in the face!<br />
I cry every day as well! I have not told anyone as feel pathetic and stupid for wanting to stay with him, I was always the first to say if anyone ever did that to me they would be out the door!<br />
It is now 6 mths for me and some days feels it is getting harder not easier!<br />
I so empathise with you, if ever you need a chat I'm here! Hope u can sort it out, hugs to you x

I am 10 months out from my wife's torrid affair...it is so flipping difficult. I hope u are doing ok. Faith helps me.

I know how u feel my husband of 17 years left me for my friend he is a drug addict and so is she he lived with her for 3 months while I stayed with our 5 boys. I wad a kid when I got together with him I was 16 he was 31 I got pregnant very quick. Well anyways he left me for her we went to school together and I let her and her kids and man stay with me when she had no where to go. She ended up stealing from him and that's the only reason he came back now I sleep iN the bed with him there is no intamacy and I wonder is it me or dies he miss being with her. I feel broken unrepairable and very very lonely have no one to turn to I think now maybe he has someone else again he would rather be gone all day then be here with me or the kids. I just need help

This douchebag robbed you of your youth. Get rid of him and let your **** friend have him. Once you leave he will beg to have you back, but we all know once you leave for real and move on, it'll be too late! You can do it. I'm in a similar situation. I get beat and almost to death many times. I went from the most gorgeous girl to this dirt bag he punches out from. Let your friend have him, whatever you think that's so great about him is honestly not that great. Get child support from him, he will regret missing out on his kids' childhood in the future and will want back in their life.

Know what you are going thru. I have had a similar experience with my wife and we have been married almost 30 years..... She had her affair with a man she said was her "computer teacher". In other words he was teaching her computer skills on the side. He is a high school teacher at his day job. So I actually knew they were getting together, I just didn't know the scope of it. Boy was I blindsided! If you would like I can talk with you.... Maybe we can help each other through our respective issues that our spouses have left us with.

I know what you are feeling because that is exactly what happen to me as well. I can't seem to get over the affair and worst part is my husband is thinking of leaving me and our three kids to be with her. I really don't know what to do or how to get the pain to go over. I haven't been able to sleep and eat but he doesn't seem to really care. He still go over to the girl's place and it is tearing my heart apart. He used to be so caring and loving but everything changed in an instance. I guess we just have to stay strong, at least for the sake of the kids

if he cheated on you with her, he will cheat on her. Betrayal is very painful, time will help with the pain. If your man isn't loyal to you, and your family, let him go, in fact, help him move out.The coming and going isn't helping you.

True that! If he's willing to do it with you, he's willing to do it to you! So just pray and hope, one day he'll cheat on her and she'll be hurt!

Hi my name is Ashley. And I am going throw the same thing now. And it hurt so much. I don't no what to do. Did everything work out for u ? I just don't want to be hurt again.

I can empathize with you. I am in the same situation. I have been married 19 years and my husband cheated on me 3 months ago. I haven't told any of my friends and have been putting on a happy face in public. I do not respect him anymore and cannot look at him the same way. He was suppose to be there for me but instead he has caused this pain that I feel on a daily basis. Just know that you are not alone

I hope you are doing better. Since I see this post is like two months old. For me it's only been one month for me finding out of his four month affair. At times I feel things only get worse instead of better.

My husband was always jumping everytime this girl called..she’s disabled and sometimes needed a ride someplace and she would call and he would run..I told him years ago I didn’t like it but it continued on from 2002 until I get a letter from her in March of this year telling me to get him to leave her alone...he had been staying over at her house giving her naked back massages....??? but now she wants me to make him leave her alone...we have had a sexless marriage for the last 15 years, his choice, claimed he couldn’t preform but I guess I found out different...I hate him for this and I hate myself because I only BEGGED him to leave other women alone...I told him I want a divorce but he wants a chance to try and love me once more....Really??? I’ve been the provider in this 20 year marriage and he’s been the one getting all the massages from other women and now giving them in return...I was so in love I thought but after all the lies, he finally admitted what he had done. Now all I feel is contempt and the thought of his hands on me makes me cringe knowing he’s had them rubbing all over another woman... I too want this pain to go away and I want to trust him but I just can’t...I think he only wants another chance because he has no job, no car and no place to go!!! I’m so stupid sometimes...but I don’t have the heart to put him out on the street, he’d be homeless...and my kids and grandkids love him to death...I was always working and he got to be the favorite grandparent...I hate him then I love him but I think I hate him more right now...I wish you the best and I’m here to sound off on if you need me...

That's where these men always gets us, we always don't have the heart to put them out. I don't have the heart to put my boyfriend in jail, where he actually belongs for nearly killing me many times. Yeah you are probably right, because once they realized you are the only thing they have, they will stick by you and won't let you go. And we feel happiness that they need us. I don't know what else to tell you I really hope you can get rid of him.

MEN are supposed to be providers, not the other way around.

I hope you will one day find someone great who's willing to provide for you, then you'll see the difference.

It took me at least 3 years to get over the hurt mind you i was so pissed i started walking heaps lost about 30kg, guys started hitting on me, then the shoe was on the other foot he didn't like it appreciated me more, i got strong :) it does get better though you never forget.

Feels good to know that people are out there carrying the same hurt. I have literally just found out my boyfriend has been cheating. We've been together 6 years and both of us are still young. I really dont want to break up with him but I keep telling myself I have to, that it's the right thing. I'm devastated.

I've been married for 18 years. We have children. He confessed recently ( a few days after our youngest celebrated her first birthday) that he had a "meaningless" affair with a woman he met while working late. They would hook up in his car. He fessed only after I opened his blood test results too see if his iron was low. It read that he may have had an old herpes infection! We were both virgins when we started dating. I've never been with anyone else. I feel like I've died. <br />
I can't tell anyone. I don't want my children to suffer for this and I've read that it can have profound impacts on children. He begs me to stay. We are seeing a counselor. I thought I was a good wife. I work from home so our kids can be home with us. I am very sexually active with him. I was the one to do all the feelings, diapers and baby care all year. I would forgo sleep so that he could relax. His job is dangerous. I thought I went through great lengths to please him. I was so so wrong.

Hello there and know you are not alone you need to read my story it is very long but I needed to get some anger out of me. I cannot talk to anyone about it and its going on the year anniversary of it and it seems like only yesterday it happened. I really hate what happened to you and feel the same thing as you. I wonder if we could speak out of this area or I could send you my phone number so we could speak sometime, I could really use the talk since I cannot tell anyone either about all of this.

Well the pain your feeling takes a long time to get over. I'm 3 years later and although I'm past it, I still think about it from time to time and it hurts. The trust is another issue to contend with. You need to decide whether you feel you'll be able to trust this man again. From experience I can tell you that a marriage without trust is not a happy one. But if he stops his behaviour and you feel you can trust in him, then that is a huge and positive step for you. As far as talking about it, and this nay sound rough, but it might not be best to talk to him. If not a friend or family member then of course support from people here is good. I found talking to my husband caused more issues. I was holding onto hurt that he wanted to be forgotten. I would warn again confiding in friends and family too, unless they can stay impartial. The one friend I told holds a grudge against my husband now, and who can blame her when you see your closest friend broken. <br />
I do hope you can work through it. Remember to just deal with it one day at a time, and if you need more answers to receive "closure" of the situation, he owes you those answers. Be strong, his actions don't reflect poorly on you, remember that, they only reflect poorly on him.

I just found out a week ago that my boyfriend of 10 years (I am 30, he is 35) was trying to cheat on me. We are living in different country since last october due to his job, but I visited him in December, and he visited me in April. I got him a friend's friend(24 years old, just graduated) to teach him a foreign language in April. When he went back to his country in May, he was uncommunicative for almost a month and a woman's 6th sense told me something is wrong. I contacted the brother, and his brother told me that the 'teacher' will be in Europe to see him in 2 days time, and she will be staying with him for 2 weeks/2 months (unsure). I managed to contact the girl and my boyfriend separately before the flight took off, hoping that I can stop them from seeing each other, but they insisted to proceed anyway. <br />
<br />
His parents and brother stopped talking to him, his friends think he is an idiot. He is shutting all communications, and his father saw him and said he looked totally stressed and was crying. But no one knows what he is really feeling. The girl is still staying with him now as I am typing this. And she is such a ****, she even have the cheek to show up at his family's house, because my boyfriend has no choice but to drop her there to attend a family member's funeral.<br />
<br />
My world shattered. I quit my job so that I will be in Europe in August for 3 months, and we might be getting married in the near future. <br />
<br />
I couldnt eat or sleep at night, wondering what happened to my best friend and soulmate whom I thought would never ever do something like that to hurt me. <br />
<br />
On one hand, I wanted to leave him. On the other hand, he is part of my family, and I know he is in trouble with this girl. Although I really want to salvage this relationship, I do not want to be his shadow. He has to do something extreme now to make up for the mistake.<br />
<br />
I am really at a loss. But I am leaving him alone and will be traveling for a month in the next few days to gain new perspective and try to be happy. <br />
<br />
Only time has the answer now.

I know all your feelings, even though I'm only four days into this mess. 2 strange men in six months from the internet in our home no less. I cannot look at her without picturing disgusting things. I cannot look at our bedroom without picturing it. I can't pull up to my house without thinking one of them might be there. It is sickening and doesn't stop. It's been getting worse for me over the past 2 days. I have just been trying to keep myself as busy as possible to keep my mind occupied. Today I had to get up in the middle of lunch and leave the house.<br />
I don't know what is going to happen. She wants to stay and is sorry and we have a 6 year old. I will likely stay just for her, but I'm not sure how I'm going to do it like this. From my currently limited experience, I have found hard physical activity and things that keep the mind occupied help me keep distracted. Although you can only keep that up for so long.<br />
I truly wish you relief. This is agonizing.

I know the feeling, it will be one month since I found out about my husband's four month affair. And at times it feels like I just found out. It's hard for me to concentrate at work. He tells me she meant nothing and he wanted to end it but didn't know how. Which I think is a bunch of bs. The ***** husband came to our house to tell me what was going on. And I think that is the hardest, he didn't have enough guts to tell me himself. And the best yet is he works with her. GoodLuck, I myself hope the hurt gets better. I just feel like I must be the ugliest and nasty wife for him to not want me.

u and i are in the same boat. my husband did the same thing with a girl he met at school. he was lonely and felt i didnt love him anymore. we had become so disconnected because our kids took over our lives. he says he is sorry, loves me, and has cut all ties to her. do i believe him? how can i trust him again? we are trying to work it out and its going well. i believe that he is being genuine. its so hard everyday not to think about it and let it consume me. i wonder everytime he leaves the house what he is up to. i totally know what u are going through. everyday i wake up i have to remember it isnt a dream all over again. stay strong and hopefully we will both get through this....

I went through the same exact thing one year ago. My husband also cut off all communication even though she tried to keep it going. We both went to therapy- individually and together - and because we found a really good therapist (who repaired her own marriage after an affair) we are still together and working on things. Our therapist's mantra is "happy people don't cheat" and I do believe it's true. Neither of us were happy, we just were moving forward with our emotions in neutral. The affair - if it's not a chronic issue - is usually a symptom problems within the marriage. I don't know if our marriage will make it, but I'm stronger and am thankful I stayed because I've grown as a person, as has he. We've learned so much about what went wrong in our relationship, and why. We are communicating better and have both made changes. Even if we don't end up together in the end, we have learned about how to relate to a partner in a more constructive way so we won't make the same mistakes again in a new relationship.<br />
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I would encourage you to find a good therapist for yourself and your marriage. Everything will be okay, and it WILL get better - I promise! The hurt is immense, but just breathe and know that each day you are healing a bit more.

Well my husband had an emotional affair, if you can call it that. Really he sent her 15 messages on fb hoping to get the opportuniy to bang her. I believe there was more than I saw. I found no emails or texts back and forth. I don't know if they spoke in person at work. He says they were never together anywhere else, no lunches together and such. But, he also says,"she was toying with me." So.... Anyway, u love him and he's hurt u in the worst way. I'm angry. I'm pissed, we have 5 kids together. I want to just walk out the door. He disrespected me. I feel like he should have known me better than to do something like that. I cope by treating him as my friend with benefits. We're having great sex, I just think I'm sending mixed messages. I hate telling him I love him. Do u feel this way? I'm a very loyal person I expected him to be loyal to me and only me as I was to him. Part of me wants to just have sex with someone else, but that would just be stupid. Are you going through counseling? We're supposed to. I'm about 2mos into this myself so I'm really interested to know your feelings now. Do u feel numb? How do u know u still love him? Bc I don't know if I still love my husband.

I am going thru the same thing. I even thought about leaving again this week. I have also thought about having an affair to get back at him, but I'm just not that kind of person. I truely do love him, it just isn't the same love I had before. My husband is not romantic or anything and never has been, but I find myself mad at times now because he isn't. I feel like he was able to put out an effort to sneak around - why has he never put out effort on me? I went thru a period of numbing myself with pills and alchohol, but I finally stopped that. It was helping nothing. We have our good days and our bad. I'm just hoping somehow I can quit thinking about it so much. I hope things get better for you. It has to be the hardest thing I have ever gone thru.

I hope u guys go through counseling and can make it work. It sounds like u know u still love him. If he's willing to do the work to make u feel secure and loved I think u two will be fine. 19 yrs is a long time. We've been married 14yrs. I feel like I'm lying to myself about what our relationship really is. If our kids weren't so young....If I could do it all over...?

I feel the exact same way! I can't stop thinking about it especially at night. I also have no family or friends to talk about it with because I do not want to tell anyone.. I hope we can both find a way to get over this and stop thinking about it.

Hope things get better for both of us. If you need someone to talk to I'm here to listen. It's hard not having someone to talk to.

That is a tough one. I was cheated on once. Think I did pretty good with dealing then it happened again. Maybe me look back and wonder how many times I didn't know about, because my love blinded me even now after the last time she was the one that left. But now even though I have my rough days I know it is best. I could never trust her again. It is hard to say if once a cheater always a cheater without help. I wouldn't do it again with out her getting some serious therapy.<br />
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http://www.cheaterville.com/?page=cheaters&id=17225&sid=41933&sb=1 <br />
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This is what I did. Sometimes we have to let the world know what they are.

Heya I'ld just like to say that I know what your going through. It hurts like hell doesen't it and you feel so betrayed that the man you use to love so much could do so much damage to your little heart. I experienced it myself and it was the one of the most painful un-imaginable thing that had happened to me. I was sad everyday till I was fed up, I was sick of being hurt. I thought I'ld leave him, better now then later till the mind turns to dust. I was hurt for a while, I hated him so much that it hurted but now I know I am better without him. You find yourself more when you go through these experiences and I hope in due time you will come to love yourself more by wanting to be loved by someone who will never want to hurt you. Till then take care:) x

Thanks for your kind words.