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So Lost And Confused

I 've been with my husband for 11 yrs.. we got married this oast november and together we have 2 daughters 4 and 2 i found out this morning hes been ************ on chat roulette .... i feel like my heart has been rip out an stomped on.. he says he didnt think it was cheating and tells me he loves me but i cant shake this... ive been a wreck all day and i asked him to leave our home... a part of me just wants to forget it happened but them i think of what he was saying to these women and im physically sick...  I feel like everything i knew was a lie.. my whole world is crashing down but im trying to hold it together for my kids the best i can.. has anyone been in this situation? either way can someone give me some input, am i over reacting?
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0607Proudmama0622 0607Proudmama0622 26-30 10 Responses May 30, 2012

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Ive been in your shoes for 8 yrs, with the love of my life, who treated me like a queen, and tore me apart, physically, im now disabled. But its the psychological and emtional trauma that has changed me for life. Youre in my prayers

Interested in knowing what's happened since Aug? I hope you have somehow come to forgive him. Sometimes if we love someone so much, it's hard to let them go but love is unconditional, we're all humans and humans make mistakes. I hope this has stopped and you two are getting through it together. I just want to tell you love always perseveres and be so thankful it wasn't anything more than what it was. Someone always has it worse than you. My now ex husband cheated on me while pregnant with our third and come to find out 3 days before having our first daughter, the other woman is pregnant and due only 2 months later and gave birth to a girl too. That was last year. Now after only being apart for less than a month, another woman is pregnant by him. It's an awful thing to walk around pretending to be ok and not. The love of my life has messed up in the most worst possible ways. Still I love him but can't be with him anymore. I have been forced to let go and it hurts. Hurts more than being cheated on. I hope you both have learned from this and hope it has made you both stronger. This world needs parents together... ;)

I'm sorry for things happening the way they have. I am a man and I have been on both sides of the issue. The one thing I took from it was that sometimes we have to look at ourselves first. When I cheated, it was because the person I was with loved me but didn't support what I did and never showed any real emotions. I met someone who gave me that and I let it go too far. When i was cheated on the person gave her something I didn't at the time. I say this to say that we have to accept our part in what happened. Am I giving my other half what they desire? Did I change things from how I use to do them? Was my other half truthful about who they were when we met? Were they ever really faithful? If you add up all the what if's, you will never get to the bottom of it. So many things can cause it but if you know your part you can move forward or just move on.

WOW! So your position is that the other party is to blame for your indescretion? If you are not happy or not feeling supportd or have whatever problem with your partner, then it is YOUR responsibility to man up and talk to your partner. That's what a relationship is. You shouldn't go out and find someone else to fill that hole because that is not what a partnership is all about. If you want out, then say it. But acting on your own behalf without any concern for others is the definition of being single. If thats what you want, then go for it, but don't act as a single man while in a relationship. And BTW shame on you for telling an already emotional and insecure woman that its basically her fault!!

Maybe you can read what I said again and if it wasn't clear let me explain. So many people jump straight to blaming without first taking a look at the only person you can get the total truth from, (Your self). All I did was provide some questions that can be asked so you can see. You are talking about partnership but I'm talking about reality. Sometimes we do things that we feel will attract the other person or we act a certain way because we think they like it. When that happens your building a partnership that is not based on the real you. It already takes a lifetime to get to know everything about someone but when it starts off untrue it takes even longer to know that person. I'm not blaming anyone though. I just want her to find peace in herself because even if she changes herself her husband is the only one that can change him.

My husband and I have 4 kids. We have been together for 15 years. We haven't been intimate with each other in many years and he just blamed the medicines he takes. I honestly believed and tried to live ignoring that part...We went to get ice cream at the mall and a woman came to him calling him by his name with her arms open...he stepped back, he said he knew her form the bank, that that was it. It is the 3rd time that a woman comes to him with such familiarity...I feel so depressed, so dissapointed. I relate to your situation. I want to forget about this but I just can't. I really wonder if he has been having sex with these women and keeping me here just to take care of our home.

I found out yesterday morning that my husband of almost 11 years has slept with a least two prostitutes. One of which looked at him with such adoring eyes he gave her 10,000Baht (he was in Bangkok - this is probably 10x the amount of sex should have been), he then exchanged e-mail addressees with her and sent her pictures - which is how I found out (his fourth and final version of the why he emailed pictures story). <br />
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My whole world has crashed down, I told my kids I had crying disease, I cannot eat and I cannot sleep, I've lost six lbs since sunday (when I just thought he was "playing on the internet"). I saw a counselor yesterday, he saw one this morning, and I feel like the only thing to do is fix the marriage because the alternative is ruining my kids lives. But I cannot even look at him so that feels like it would be climbing Mt. Everest. And I currently have issues getting out of bed and walking across the street. <br />
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You are not over reacting - even virtually it is a break of trust and commitment which is the foundation of a marriage. I do not know yet if our foundation has been evaporated or just very badly cracked.

I am so sorry to hear about what you've been through.. I will keep you and your children in my prayers.. If you ever need to vent I'm here!

Listen honestly honey...I've been with a lot of married men...now I will be very straight forward with you....Yes, he's more than likely been inside another woman (probably bareback...the married guys crave that)...but it's ok. You are mixing up sex and love....he has probably been inside someone like me....someone he desires and drives him crazy BUT he loves you. So don't worry yourself....it's not worth breaking up a home....my advice is to put it out of your head....it's the best thing to do....it happens....men want to be inside women other than their wife....

You are a disgusting excuse for a women, how dare you even comment on my story you selfless *****! I pray a wife with enough guts walks in on u in bed with her husband and shoots you in ur ******* head!

You ******* *****! All these women that commented have been hurt and u have the nerve to come around with ur trash? ***** I don't know you but I'd love to ******* scalp you you dumb ****! Believ me sweetheart in sure they don't DESIRE you they just know ur an easy lay you ******* ****!

I have been there too! Although we do not have children. I am quite the computer hacker and I had a suspicion that he was up to no good. I was able to get a transc<x>ript of their Skype conversations and I confronted the girl via email. I said I was going to out this up on my Facebook page to show what lowly creatures they were. I confronted him as well. It hurt me tremendously that he said some things to her that he said to me. Even through they have never made physical contact it is still cheating in my book. That happened a few years back and I still cannot completely trust him. I know I should forgive him but I will never forget. Keep you head up and let him show that he truly loves you. He should also be completely open to you checking his online activity to prove his is not sliding back to online chats. Keep your head up and try to forgive him, it does sound as though he does regret what he did. Good luck!

Oops I just noticed I was being repetitive...that is what happens when you only get 7 hours of sleep over three days :/

Yes, I have been through something like this. First, start taking care of YOU! I know what it is like to have small children and how easy it is to forget our needs. If you love him, give him another chance but, make him be transparent and make him understand that he has to earn your trust again. Have a date night, movie night something for just you and your husband. The feelings you have will not go away soon. Good luck to you and you are in my prayers.

Thank you for your input! I do honestly love him..we did actually get away, Just us.. We went to NYC to see a broadway play on tues.. We really needed that.. He knows why in so upset he says he understands but at the time he said he thought he was just taking care of himself but he assures me he would never do that again, that he just wants me back..

hes home now... he reasures me that he loves me more than anything and how sorry he is but all i think is if he did this would he go further? he swears no that the only reason he did it was i was sleeping and he didnt want to bother me..as for our sex life, he wants it all the time...after 2 kids im not as confident with my body as i was when we were teenagers( he says he loves me the way i look) but ive been with him since i was 15 and hes my everything so i do whatever he wants to make him happy..I let him tie me up .. even though i dont feel comfortable with it, I even allow him anal sex because he enjoys it... even times im not in the mood, I'll go with sex to make him happy.. There are times i say no but that isnt too often...Hes had a bad past with being unfaithful when we were teens. I think thats why im so schattered.. other than his sex drive he is the most amazing man.. hes the best father and he really is my best friend... I does treat me well.. all the other couples we know are jealous because they say they can tell he adores me.. he workd 2 jobs so i can stay home and raise our daughters. But I dont know how i should feel, I want to be angry at him but deep down i just want him to hold me.. But all i think about is the way he was talking to them is the same way he talks to me when we talk dirty and that someone else seen his ****, when i should be the only person too see it, other than him..Its not the fact that he was beating off, its his he can touch it all he wants i just dont want another women seeing him doing that or her words being what makes him get off...if i was **** i wouldnt have given a second thought.. but it being a live person watching his every move hurts..

He probably feels really bad for doing what he did. You aren't over reacting. Maybe kicking him out isn't a good idea though... he hasnt put his di*k in anyone yet so I wouldnt do anything to hasty. You need to talk to him. Ask him why he's been doing all these things. .. I have a friend who loves his wife but he chats up women on the internet the same way. I asked him man to man if he really did love his wife and he said yes..i believed him. He wasnt happy with his sex life with his wife which forced him to look for pleasures elsewhere. How good is your sex life with your husband?